Couch 158: The Newberry Couch!

I figure I am pretty much a garden variety client. I hired the woman for what I see as fairly usual, routine sorts of reasons that people hire them. I had little faith that therapy would help, but thought I should check it out. The experience/experiment/hobby did nothing to change my opinion of therapy or therapists.

Get up. Move around. Eat something. Your head will clear eventually and you can get out once it does. Flexeril is not time released, so you can split it (use a pill splitter though because if I remember right it isn't scored which makes splitting a bit difficult, particularly with such a small dose). Might run that idea by your doctor, but I doubt he'd have any issue with it. You are on a very low dose to start with.

NP, I saw your post on the Dear T thread. I think that's a totally fine thing to say, not selfish at all. My T just got back from a trip. I told her several times that I didn't want her to go before she left, and now that she's back we're working through me being upset and angry that she left. (And it was only a week!) I don't think your feelings (or anybody's feelings) are ever bad or wrong.

I agree. I'm sure your T understands. Consider seeing the backup T--you don't have to tell your whole story to her. (I wonder if your T would have filled her in beforehand anyway?) You can just talk about what you're feeling right then.

He said it wasn't an unfair thing for me to say and that I can say anything, but I still feel bad for saying it.l It comes from a place of complete vulnerability that I'm in right now.

I think that should be the couch's official mission statement

Seriously, That. Is. Excellent. Paranoid, but excellent.

And you know what they saw about paranoia - just because youre paranoid, doesnt mean theyre not following you.

When I learned about different techniques in my psych class I was all aha! T does that and that and that! And when I told her I'd identified them she said "well those are the ones you responded to." I wish I'd asked her what else she'd tried that I didn't. Although I might venture a guess they were things that pissed me off....

Trying to share a pic of slippers I'm making for my sister.

Nevermind stupid Tapatalk won't let me

If any UK Couchies hear fireworks from my direction...it's a celebration. I think the Fall Creator's Update has installed successfully on my computer, at the fourteenth attempt. I was getting deeply frustrated with the whole show.

LT, I'm kind of surprised that your T sprung the attachment thing on you at the very end of session. That's a total client move. (I just did something similar today!) Maybe he wasn't thinking, or maybe he wanted you to be able to bolt afterwards, if need be. Even if he is not psychodynamically inclined, I think he has to know how to work with attachment/connection/the therapeutic relationship/whatever you want to call it. I usually find that that's where the best stuff happens in therapy because that's the easiest way to get right to the core of the stuff that is going on inside you.

Yeah, I mean, I did wait until near the end to start talking about the whole fading transference thing. But he had to have realized that it could cause me anxiety if he asked if I could be feeling that for him. I think he should know me that well by now. He could have held off on that question till next session Maybe he was expecting me to respond "no" to the question?

If he didn't charge for longer e-mails and if I hadn't just texted him over the weekend because I was upset about some personal stuff (which led to him offering and my accepting an extra half-session--no charge for the texting, though!), I'd probably reach out to him. But I don't want to push it too much in terms of outside contact, like what will he allow for free. I'm going to try just either posting about it on here or journaling about it, with the thought that I could share it with him on Tuesday if I want.

He's already said that he expects work on attachment to be a major part of my therapy. And MC had told him when they talked a month ago that I have some attachment and transference issues that tend to play out in the therapy space, so if he thought he couldn't handle that, he ideally would have already referred me out. He did say in like the first session that he couldn't ethically abandon me (I told him that wording it that way didn't make me feel much better! More like he was stuck with me now). So I doubt he'd be like "Get out!" if I started to feel attachment to him.

I also have to think in like 15 years of practicing he's experienced clients having transference for him before. (Though I suppose they might not have told him...or they may not have really worked on it)

One last thought--part of the issue with the transference/attachment for MC is that I let it get really intense before even telling ex-T about it, let alone MC. I think now I'm aware enough of warning signs that I could address it early on, before it got to that point. Plus I'd imagine it would be considerably easier to work on with an individual T compared to a marriage counselor...

Oooh, warning signs! You make it sound so ominous! I think it could be a good experience if he handles it well. Probably intense and stressful for you, but hopefully ultimately helpful.

LOL. Maybe I should have just said "signs." Though with MC, when I first addressed it with ex-T, it had gotten to the point where I was sobbing on the drive home after every session due to the intensity and longing, so...yeah, would prefer not to get to that point with anyone again!

It's kind of "grist for the mill," though. I do think it'll be easier to manage in individual therapy because you have room to get into it, rather than dance around it and try to squeeze it in on the side. But yeah, definitely intense. If you want to get into why you feel and do the things you do in important relationships, it helps to have one right in front of you to work with. Sometimes it feels like time travel, which is both good (another chance to figure this out!) and bad (wait, I didn't enjoy these feelings the first time around either....). I wouldn't trade it for anything, but my god is it uncomfortable at times.

I am glad you liked it. I did not read it as paranoid.
I remember laughing out loud at it the first time I read it.

I keep watching a youtube video of my person giving a lecture over in Europe about a year before she died. I remember reading it and listening to her practice it.

That's true, I think it's been so difficult with MC because he's been trying to help me with it while mostly kinda keeping the boundaries of marriage counseling (sorta). So we can just work on in little bits at a time. And I feel like ex-T wasn't really helping me work on it either (or with my negative maternal transference for her, for that matter!) I just worry current T would bail on me or somehow make it more painful if he's not experienced in dealing with it, should it become a thing.

But...I guess those fears are something I talk about next session. Because it also isn't going to do me any good in therapy if I hold back and put walls up for fears of becoming attached to him...

)))SD(((

I read it as a version of Sartre's "Hell is other people."

Must. Not. Hug. Stopdog.

I'm sorry I hope it gets easier for you.

But Hell is other people...

Sorry SD...

Exactly. Lopate just used a lot of words to describe a particular way how.

Why do i know Lopate? Now i gotta go google...

Eta - well that was quick n easy. I prolly have the art of the personal essay somewhere in my stacks.

Thinking of you SD.

I went away for a girls weekend with friends last month. I got there after a couple friends had arrived, and I was just so tired and...griefful is the best word, I think. There was a two-person couch, but I squeezed my way between them and they just leaned in. Didn't even really talk, just watched a dumb tv show and sat together and waited for the others to arrive.

The Couch here makes me think of that. People from all over leaning in.

(Edited to add: And then laughing. And sometimes there's wine.)