Couch 158: The Newberry Couch!

My t has been known to be untherapisty...

Are you sure that's not the wily?

That is the wiliest kind of all. Those who appear untherapisty

Right now, I like my T's wife more than him. ( she just posted on fb about how much I "rock") I want to email him and tell him you suck, but your wife is cool. I am currently on t sucks bandwagon.

I think I have saved a lot of time by never actually getting off of the therapists suck wagon. At best, it might have slowed down maybe twice or I got off to use the bathroom, but other than that, firmly atop in the driver's seat.

Yeah... I just realized that before I came back here & read it! Augh!

You're probly right....

Grrr...Info. Why can't she exist in the here and now? Be "present"? And remember I canceled an appointment days ago?

Could you just forward her the emails where you canceled and she acknowledged

I did.

She wrote back, “I’m planning on tomorrow.”



The woman is very bad for my blood pressure.

She's a fruitcake. Did you write back and say you weren't? I wonder what she'll do when you don't show up.
You think she's denying reality to see if she can make you show up even though you canceled?

That would be truly wily. I am not sure she can focus that much.

I am not writing her back or participating in her fantasy world.

Actual LOL.

I think anyone who tells me my abuser brother's mental world is worse than what I've been through at his hands can...go eff themselves.

Why should I care if his world is "filled with loneliness and pain" and why should I move my arse yet again to ease his pain?

There's something I find very distasteful about the statement that his feelings are worse than the traumas he inflicted on me.

I've cared for him at the cost of my mental health for years. My world back then, when being abused by him was full of loneliness and pain too. Where's the care about that huh? Funny how these repeated culprits conveniently brush that off.

Maybe the anger I feel is a good thing. I firmly told the person off, but this is a repeated problem with that person.

Argh...that sucks, QM. I presume cutting contact with said person isn't an option? So sorry.

Where's Granite?

I was only thinking of granite yesterday.

It is really warm here and keep the kittens in the bathroom as it is relatively cool and they are safe in there, should i let them out so they can find cooler spots and risk them knocking over things as i will not be able to supervise them and there is no way close of the aeras in my house or keep them in the bathroom? I dont want to unneccessarily stress them

And squirrel and mixedupemotions and others who no longer post.

Here's hoping everyone is okay.

We're in a few mutual circles. Peer support work is really damn small. They've also been a good friend in other ways.

I keep civil with my sister, who's another culprit. Last time she exhorted me to care more for said brother (she knows the graphic details traumas he did to me...), I told her I'm done and she can go counsel / nurture / rescue him all she bloody wants. Since then, she's not had any in depth contact with me except for cordial pleasantries.

I'm looking forward to when I can move half the world away and cut most of my family of origin out from my life.

You know what (else) bugs me about Info? She’s focused like a laser when it comes to money, but not at all on anything else. Like she has no responsibilities.

Whatever "mental pain" your brother had, it did not excuse what he did to you.

I struggle with these kind of thoughts about my husband. I know he had his own trauma and struggles, but it did not excuse what he did to me. Yes, he was a suffering individual, but what about the suffering he caused me?

I'm sorry your friend is making those kinds of comments to you. I can see how hurtful that would be. My therapist has commented before on how my husband's internal world must be, and I'm fine with that usually, but it's a fine line to walk. One day I started wondering if he felt pity for my husband's struggles and felt a twinge of pain at the thought. I know he's fully on my side though. Your friend should be on your side.

Agreed. I'm glad you're validating the trauma and abuse your husband has inflicted onto you.

I was firm with my friend... I reminded them briefly what I've done for my brother over the years, reminded them again that I don't feel I owe my brother kindness (because my friend literally said small kindnesses from me would help...), reminded my friend that I've literally been there for my brother at the cost of my mental health...

It's not the first time this friend has said something like "he suffered more than you" or "you should try to help him" and/or pushed forgiveness on me. Despite knowing what he did.

They're ordinarily a caring friend and they've old me they mean well, and they're a survivor of serious abuse themselves...so I'm not saying they're all bad....

I think my friend heavily identifies with my brother due to certain identity similarities which are too personal to state here.

My sister is worse, she knows the graphic details of the traumas and she preaches the same lines.

I'm civil but avoiding communication with her. She's started ignoring me since I told her she's free to nurture / love / rescue him or whatever but I'm done.

I'm a little frustrated because sometimes my T does what your T does. Like you said, it's a very fine line.

What irritates me about my T is that I've told her that I have spent 17 years empathizing with my brother. That he'd been abused worse than me by our parents, that he was just a child too... etc etc etc...T knows all about the crisis counselling, all about the intrusive images and memories that flood my mind while/after I attend to my brother's suicidality...

Hell, in an imagery rescript of something he did to me, I asked T to step in and make sure he was OK because I didn't want him punished for hurting me.

....and there she goes saying he as a hurt child too...like I bloody don't know that.

I am having dreams again where my person is alive. I had these type of dreams after my mother died. In them, I know that she died - but it was either all an elaborate hoax or she was just sleeping or something like that. Last night's dream, after I realized that she was waking up in the coffin (but it had been awhile because I had already gotten rid of her stuff), I told her that I had gotten rid of all her books and stuff because I thought she was dead and it had been a month (in the dream) and she got upset. I was so happy she was alive but really concerned about how to fix all her missing work and stuff that I had gotten rid of.
It was so real that it was jarring when I woke up. I will be glad when these type dreams fade off. I don't have them much about my mother anymore - they come up every so often but not as frequently.