Couch 158: The Newberry Couch!

i changed my mind. this would be my t's onesie:

egods can you imagine if a t wore a onesie to a session?!?!?!

informal couch poll: on a wrongness scale of 1-5 (5 being the wrongest) how wrong is it that I want to let my 11/16 session with t be the last and not go back despite that I told her I would come back to wrap things up? (a bunch of you know what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid that the crap that happened over the summer will happen again. We said goodbye-for-however-long before I took a break 3 weeks ago and it was very peaceful and nice and warm and supportive and I'm afraid of a repeat of July happening if I go back and ain't nobody gonna want me around if that happens again.)

Well...considering I told ex-T (who I'd also seen for 6 years) I'd definitely do a termination session with her if I decided to switch to...now-current T...and now I'm wondering if there's a point to doing it (I feel like I'd be doing it for her, not me)...I say if you're content with things as they are, let them stand. Maybe see if it's OK to leave the door open, should you be struggling in the future, but consider this the ending for now, rather than a break.

For scale...a 1 or 2?

Thanks! That's how I feel - that I'd be doing it for her, not for me - because my last 2 sessions I did a lot of reminiscing and what in my mind was wrapping up kind of stuff. I had the distinct impression she didn't see it that way. I don't know though. But thank you.

I feel guilty about it...her office door was open when we saw MC Monday, and I was afraid she'd be in there and see me (though I'm sure she would have just said "hi"!"). I'm probably going to send her an e-mail in the next week or two giving her a brief update and wishing her happy holidays. I know she's going to be gone most of January to Australia, so I figure if I want a termination session, need to do it soon or wait till, say, February. But I figure if I'm still feeling ambivalent, should probably just wait.

(((LT))) I may call her tomorrow. I'll post how it went if I do...

Therapy is about you and not your t. You would probably feel better if you had a wrap up though. I agree with LT, 1 or 2.

i'd say a 0? you do you. but then again i quit over email with my last T of 5 years.

I really doubt the therapist is going to get worked up one way or the other. But with all the ambivalence over it - I would think you would do better to call or write a letter and let her know. Otherwise you just gave yourself something to fret and feel guilty over - whether justified or not.

And billed for hosting a pajama party?

As for going back to say goodbye, art, why do you need to decide now? It’s been three weeks. Throughout the whole process you’ve been in a rush, yet there’s no need to be. She’ll be there three months from now.

Thank you. I think you're more than probably right about I would feel better with a wrap up.

Thanks velcro.

I hope she doesn't. Now that I think about it really, honestly, the only reason she got pissed in July was because I got pretty angry and hateful and she didn't mind herself too well and reacted a little too humanly.

Thanks you guys. I'm going to call her tomorrow.

You're right of course. I've been in a rush that's lasted 6 years. I'm laughing because it's true. But I have it in my head that I want to start fresh in 2018 as just me. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else. But it's how I feel. That's why back in the summer we were planning on ending in November until all that crap happened.

eta: I never intended this to be a lifelong commitment. I've gotten so much more out of it than I ever thought I might. I've realized in the past month or so that I'm happy with what we've accomplished at this point. It's time to live my life for something else now. If that makes any sense.

Art, can you feel like you are starting 2018 as just you without deciding on a final session? I mean, you can have a final session whenever and as many times as you like, sort of like Cher's farewell tour. Can you find any peace without setting a date for that? You can still send a holiday card to your therapist, to stay in touch.

I don't know. Like do it my h's way? He says I should still see her but only 4 times a year until she retires. (well he said that about 6 months ago. Not recently.)

Sometimes I imagine being in a restaurant and I hear my therapist in the booth behind me. She's with her family and they are laughing as she talks about her pathetic clients. It feels very real to me, same as the dreams I sometimes have where she's done something cruel and then I go into a session and act like she did it in real life.

Four times a year? Where the heck did that number come from? Quarterly taxes?

It makes sense, to want to start a new year in a new way, but I would say you always were ”just you” and are now. The therapist is not part of you. She never was, really. She has nothing to do with the characteristics that make up the Essential Art, she just helped you realize them better. She may be in your heart, but it’s not like you’re conjoined twins or a couple. Or sharing a onesie.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thanks @@.

I'll let this go for now. I've bugged y'all enough. Night couchies.

I didn't know he was proposing that. I was more thinking that your final session doesn't have to have a set date--you could just have it at some indeterminate time in the future, or have more than one. Or don't have one at all. Just go back if you feel like it to have a non-final session. I realize as I write this that the whole squishiness of that is probably what gives you unrest. Sorry.

There are other new years--the Chinese New Year, Jewish New Year, the start of the federal fiscal year, birthday year...

It's all good. I appreciate you. I suppose the cruz of it all is just that I feel the need to move on already. And spend my money on something else. But that sounds so crass...

nooooooooooooooooooooo

(Plus there's the fact that I don't want to get to the point of feeling trapped again, of feeling resentful, of feeling like I signed my life away into some version of slavery that I am never allowed to break free of. Just sayin'.)

And now I am going to bed. Night! Again!

I totally understand that. I had to skip a session today due to work and I was so glad to have the extra money that I saved from missing a session, even though I could have used the appointment. It's not a fair choice to have to make.