Support/Advice needed

Okay so I didn’t want to start a whole new thread about school issues again, but I’m really struggling and I’d so appreciate some support/advice. I missed all my classes this morning because I was so depressed and anxious I literally felt paralyzed and like I couldn’t get out of bed.

I didn’t email my professors, I don’t know what I’d say. I’ve already missed the max amount of classes before it affects my grade, so I can’t just be like oh sorry I wasn’t feeling well and forgot to email. In one of my classes I even had something due.

I’m freaking out that I will get a B because of missing that assignment in one class, and missing participation in all the classes (since I’m graded on attendance)

I don’t know what to do. I can’t really bs myself out of this but at the same time, I can’t be completely honest and email my professors like (trigger warning) “Sorry, couldn’t get to class this morning because I was up all night and morning contemplating suicide due to severe depression and anxiety. I’m still here though so please don’t fail me”

Maybe this thread belongs elsewhere but this is the only forum I sort of know some users in

I have been where you are, and I know what it's like to be terrified about getting a B. I went through the better part of my third year in college feeling various shades of suicidal and still managed to finish with a near-4.0 (darn single A-!). It's hard when people don't really see your pain because you're succeeding. But the crushing pressure to succeed just makes the pain worse.

What kinds of support are you getting now? What kinds of support are you interested in? It's tough because students who are struggling often need help with things like tutoring, academic advising, or withdrawing from classes, but I know I wouldn't have been interested in any of that stuff back then. (And frankly it wouldn't have helped my problem.) Do you feel like you're seeing your T often enough? Do you need practical self-care tips to help pour yourself back into the shape of a functional human being? Do you just need a listening ear?

I do think you should consider contacting your professors. It's really common for people to have mental health issues that interfere with school, especially in the fall semester. They might be able to make accommodations for you, and even if they don't, I think there is something inherently freeing about admitting that you're struggling.

Thank you so much ElectricManatee. I saw my T yesterday but it made me feel worse, as I felt like he was trying to brush off my really low feelings and jump to fixing it (I’m sure that wasn’t his intention).

I think I just need a listening, empathic ear and advice as for how to approach my professors. I think you’re right that I should contact them to let them know I’m struggling. Do you think I should email them now asking to make an appointment during office hours? If I do that though, should I say anything regarding missing class today?

I would suggest getting everything documented and talking to the teachers before hand, to make them aware that you're struggling. For one exam in first year I asked for advice- I was told me to focus on my other exams first and he offered to let me sit his subject on an alternative date. I would suggest emailing if it's easier.

Thank you Lemoncake. I’m going to email my professors now, but I’m definitely going to take your advice and have things documented for next semester.

I just emailed the professor that I had something due for today. Freaking out that they’re going to judge me and not understand ugh

I'm sorry your T wasn't very helpful. Can you tell him what you said here? I bet the urge to "fix" is really hard to resist sometimes, but I know how invalidating that can be. But I think it might be easier for him to help you if you can tell him what you need from him.

I think it's a similar sort of thing with your professors in terms of asking for what you need. I imagine it will vary from class to class. For the class with the assignment, I might say that I am having mental health problems that are currently being treated, that I have the assignment, and asking if I can turn it in late. Is it something you can send as an attachment? Or drop it off somewhere? Late assignments are really common, and it's likely that your instructor has a policy for dealing with it that would give you a better outcome than not handing it in at all. For the other professors, it might depend on what the consequences are. If they have strict attendance policies, you might just have to take the hit and assume your performance elsewhere will compensate for it. If there are specific things you need help with, it doesn't hurt to ask if they have suggestions. Usually office hours were drop-in (at least when I went to them and when I had them as an instructor), so you wouldn't need an appointment. When I was teaching courses, I always appreciated when students were matter-of-fact about things going on in their lives and dealt with them the way you might do it in a workplace (i.e., not too much detail about specifics, not asking me to take care of them, but being specific about how I could help them be successful in my class).

I don't know if your reasons for being stressed when it sounds like you're actually getting okay grades are like mine. I actually didn't understand my reasons until recently, and I've been out of undergrad for over a decade now. But I do hope you can figure out how to cut yourself a little slack. Even if you get a B (or all B's!), the world won't end and you will still be a worthwhile human being. Please keep coming back and posting as much as you need to.

As a professor - I get students who have all sorts of things come up. I don't actually think that much about it. I direct the students to the dean of students for my part of the university and let them handle it if the student appears to be struggling across the board. If the student needs to withdraw/get some sort of medical leave or accommodation etc - it is not a big deal to me. I prefer not having to read a lot of reasons/excuses/things that are really not my business - I like the designated administrator to handle it -unless it is unique to just my one class.
I really suggest you contact the dean of students (or who ever is designated to take care of student issues at your university/college) and let them help you negotiate with the faculty since it sounds like this may be a bigger issue than just one paper or something like that.

Could you go and see the Dean of Students or the school counselor, and get that person to email your professors? An RA? Also, as a really check, having taught college English courses, I promise you are far from the only one missing class. If you feel like you can get to class tomorrow, turn your stuff in, and be a presence , they might notice your absence less than it feels like. So sorry you feel this way, bc academia can be a pressure cooker, In the big picture, the last time someone looked at my grades in college was probably twenty years ago. I think of how I stressed over those grades, but really the difference between an A and a B isn't much .

Thank you so much. I do plan to tell my T so that he’s aware his reaction wasn’t helpful. I want to ask for a session tomorrow but I’ve asked for extra sessions a few times in the last month bc I’ve been struggling a lot. And I literally saw him yesterday and had to email to ask him for that appointment, because I didn’t have a session scheduled for this week

As for the assignment, I did not actually finish unfortunately.. it was my plan to do so last night, but then all this happened. It’s like half way done right now

Thank you stopdog. It’s good to hear from the perspective of a professor that it is not necessary seen as a huge deal. I will probably just contact one professor because I doubt my grades will be affected in my other classes.

You make a good point. Thanks you. I was freaking out so much, but I think I only have to really worry about 1 class. In the others I have 100% so I doubt missing a few participation points will kill me. I just have a tendency to freak out lol

To clarify - I would still count off for the grade or lack of class participation or absences. I don't weigh excuses from students - if the paper is due on X day or if you have missed more classes than I allow - then that is the deadline/ etc. unless contacted before the due date or documented hospitalization/death in family etc = that is why I suggest going to the administration person for your school. If the administration/dean of students is involved -then there is documentation and I don't have to use my time to figure out who is telling the truth/making stuff up because they screwed around etc.

If you're struggling, it's better that your T knows how much. I've asked for many extra sessions over the last 1.5 years. I wasn't always able to get in, but I'm glad I asked. I was usually embarrassed and afraid to ask. Put aside your fears about asking and do what you need to do to get through this.

Does your university have counseling services? If so, you might go in and speak to one of them. They can help communicate with the Dean and be sure everything is documented properly so accommodations can be made if needed. If you don't go through proper channels, professors aren't really obligated to make accommodations for you (and generally won't).

Worse case scenario, you can arrange to take a leave of absence from school while you get your depression better under control. I had to do that my last semester of college. It completely terrified me to have to do so, but it was entirely helpful to take a few months off and just rest. I was able to go back the next semester, finish up my coursework and graduate. It seemed like the end of the world at the time, but in retrospect, it was a small glitch in the scheme of things. I went through the counseling services department, which coordinated with the Dean and made sure everything was done properly so I didn't have to pay tuition when I returned, etc.

Thanks stopdog. I’m definitely not expecting them to give me an extension or participation points back or anything like that. I just looked into it and emailed the disability office coordinator for my school to ask about applying for accommodations for next semester.

Thanks NP, your posts are always very supportive for me. I thought about it and I think I’ll be ok til I see him next. It’s not all too long when I think of it as 2 more work days + weekend + 2 work days


Thank you lolagrace. I think right now school is helping to give me purpose again, although it is difficult at times. I was out of school for a while due to mental health issues so it’s new for me to be a full time student again. I just contacted the disability office so we will see what happens!