[colorsofthewind12]

I am trapped in therapy and I can’t get out. My T is very good but I just don’t think I am benefiting any more, and I feel like I am getting worse with him.

He doesn’t allow me to text him in between sessions and my therapy is very intense. I feel like holding the negative feelings and having to wait till the next session is getting in the way of my progress. I know that some therapists allow their patients to text them.

I am too attached to leave but there is also a part of me that believes that sometimes we need to let go of what’s comfortable for our own growth.

I’ve seen success stories of some people on this forum leaving their therapists.

How did you guys have the strength to do it?

[missbella]

I was lucky enough to have a former college roommate who became a vocational social worker who was not intimidated by therapists. She reminded me that I seemed optimistic in early therapy with one woman, but took a nosedive in group therapy. Her words "when you called me tonight, how did you expect me to advise you?" I hoped she'd give me the support/permission to leave the therapist. It was difficult because he was quite contemptuous and authoritarian. I had to deal with weeks of his rage before I could make a break.

So in Betty's words (not her real name) When you posted here, what kind of answers did you hope to get?

It's not for them. It's all for you.

Originally Posted by colorsofthewind12

I am trapped in therapy and I can’t get out. My T is very good but I just don’t think I am benefiting any more, and I feel like I am getting worse with him.

He doesn’t allow me to text him in between sessions and my therapy is very intense. I feel like holding the negative feelings and having to wait till the next session is getting in the way of my progress. I know that some therapists allow their patients to text them.

I am too attached to leave but there is also a part of me that believes that sometimes we need to let go of what’s comfortable for our own growth.

I’ve seen success stories of some people on this forum leaving their therapists.

How did you guys have the strength to do it?

Self-awareness over the years.
As for protocols - you have your right to leave as you please. A therapist should not hold a client prisoner (I can tell you that one of my therapists tried that and it failed for them). You may be uncertain, your therapist may make you feel uncertain about yourself. Uncertainty is always caused from people. Naturally we are explorers and have no reason to feel uncertain, other than by others.

[colorsofthewind12]

Originally Posted by missbella

I was lucky enough to have a former college roommate who became a vocational social worker who was not intimidated by therapists. She reminded me that I seemed optimistic in early therapy with one woman, but took a nosedive in group therapy. Her words "when you called me tonight, how did you expect me to advise you?" I hoped she'd give me the support/permission to leave the therapist. It was difficult because he was quite contemptuous and authoritarian. I had to deal with weeks of his rage before I could make a break.

So in Betty's words (not her real name) When you posted here, what kind of answers did you hope to get?

It's not for them. It's all for you.

I hoped that people would share their personal experience.

[NP_Complete]

If you're doing intense work, you probably need more support. He doesn't allow texting, but does he allow email or phone calls? Could you go twice a week so you don't have to hold on to those feelings for so long? If none of that is an option, maybe try looking for a therapist who allows for outside contact. I wish I had more advice for you. I've never left a therapist since I'm still with my first one. I'm dealing with intense stuff in therapy right now, but I'm going more than once a week and it wouldn't work for me otherwise at this point. I also email him some although he doesn't respond. If he knows I'm facing a tough time, he will offer to call and check up on me. Not all the time, but more than once.

[atisketatasket]

Getting angry at them (it’s usually justified) helps me leave.

But, you know, it’s really kind of like what you went to therapy in the first place: to change something. Sounds like you did that in therapy, and it took strength. You already have that strength and have used it, and you have a new change to make: you can do it if it’s what you want.

Hope that is not too cheesy.

[ruh roh]

There have been a couple of posters who left therapists they were attached to by first finding another therapist and trying them out before leaving the first one for good. In one case, I think she took a break and tried out another therapist for about 2 months and then was able to end things with the first one after that time. So maybe that's one option for you is to try out others while you take a break from this one; then, if you find one that works better for you, it will be a bit easier to leave (although, I'm not sure it's ever easy if you're attached).

[DP_2017]

I relate to this, other than mine does allow texting but my feelings for him are growing and growing by the session, yet, I am too attached to leave, I think I'd spiral. I feel trapped and I refuse to see anyone else. Therapy is too stressful for me overall and I have big trust issues, plus why would I wanna risk attaching to another? No thanks.

Anyway, sadly I have no good advice but I do get your dilemma. I am thinking it over and over every day myself. I agree with the person who suggested email or phone call if they do that, and even 2x a week but be aware, it can make the attachment grow more. I go 2x a week right now and I feel lost on the weeks when I am back to weekly. It's such a stressful journey lol

[colorsofthewind12]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I relate to this, other than mine does allow texting but my feelings for him are growing and growing by the session, yet, I am too attached to leave, I think I'd spiral. I feel trapped and I refuse to see anyone else. Therapy is too stressful for me overall and I have big trust issues, plus why would I wanna risk attaching to another? No thanks.

Anyway, sadly I have no good advice but I do get your dilemma. I am thinking it over and over every day myself. I agree with the person who suggested email or phone call if they do that, and even 2x a week but be aware, it can make the attachment grow more. I go 2x a week right now and I feel lost on the weeks when I am back to weekly. It's such a stressful journey lol

Thank you for sharing.

Have you spoken to your T about your growing feelings? It helps to talk about it and get it out in the open.

My T doesn’t allow for out of session phone or email. I understand that. I am mostly fine between sessions. It’s just after a particularly hard session or when I feel triggered that I feel I need out of session contact. It would be so helpful to me as I am struggling a lot right now. I tried to call a crisis hotline(for the first time) and their phone line is busy 😟

[stopdog]

I wrote the woman letters. I did not want a response from her (she would have so ****ed up any response) so I found writing letters and mailing them worked well for me.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by colorsofthewind12

Thank you for sharing.

Have you spoken to your T about your growing feelings? It helps to talk about it and get it out in the open.

My T doesn’t allow for out of session phone or email. I understand that. I am mostly fine between sessions. It’s just after a particularly hard session or when I feel triggered that I feel I need out of session contact. It would be so helpful to me as I am struggling a lot right now. I tried to call a crisis hotline(for the first time) and their phone line is busy 😟

Nope, he knows that I have a desire to be friends post therapy but that's it. As much as I trust him, going on this board and seeing all kinds of stories where things went badly after opening up about stuff like that and reading on other forums, I am too terrified I'd be terminated. So I just keep it in, I have to manage this mental hell alone. sadly.

Wow, that really sucks.... have you tried journaling?? That helps me a lot too, sometimes I write my T letter about the things I'm going through or whatever but he's only ever gotten one.

Sucks about the crisis line, not that it's much help but my inbox is always open if you need to vent or talk

I just sent emails to both of my Ts that I won't go back. Then emailed with them occasionally for a while, went back to 1-2 sessions months later, and then gradually just moved on. With the last one it is still kinda open-ended, but we do not communicate currently. For me strength was not required to stop, more to not give in to the impulses when I wanted to reconnect. But as I said above I did give in sometimes, so it's been a somewhat non-linear process. I feel it is most similar to beating a habit for me, the stage when I am 100% certain that I want to quit/change it, but there are momentary cravings/impulses. I really find that when I have those impulses, it's not the T/person that I miss really, much more a fantasy and a certain (not necessarily healthy) mental state.

[here today]

Originally Posted by colorsofthewind12

I am trapped in therapy and I can’t get out. My T is very good but I just don’t think I am benefiting any more, and I feel like I am getting worse with him.

He doesn’t allow me to text him in between sessions and my therapy is very intense. I feel like holding the negative feelings and having to wait till the next session is getting in the way of my progress. I know that some therapists allow their patients to text them.

I am too attached to leave but there is also a part of me that believes that sometimes we need to let go of what’s comfortable for our own growth.

I’ve seen success stories of some people on this forum leaving their therapists.

How did you guys have the strength to do it?

I had been through multiple therapists and finally decided with the last one to "hold her feet" to the fire. That didn't feel very "nice" but I guess my own interest in my own self began to take over more than my concern about "losing" her or her judgment of me.

So, when I did that, she eventually told me that she didn't have the "emotional resources" to continue treating me. The last few months I had often felt that it was a waste of time and money, but kept trying to make myself understood to her.

She found a referral for me, but I wasn't interested. I did interview several therapists I located online -- one was OK and my life currently is not great but I don't think that more "therapy" is what I need.

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I just sent emails to both of my Ts that I won't go back. Then emailed with them occasionally for a while, went back to 1-2 sessions months later, and then gradually just moved on. With the last one it is still kinda open-ended, but we do not communicate currently. For me strength was not required to stop, more to not give in to the impulses when I wanted to reconnect. But as I said above I did give in sometimes, so it's been a somewhat non-linear process. I feel it is most similar to beating a habit for me, the stage when I am 100% certain that I want to quit/change it, but there are momentary cravings/impulses. I really find that when I have those impulses, it's not the T/person that I miss really, much more a fantasy and a certain (not necessarily healthy) mental state.

Wow Xynesthesia that sounds a lot like where I'm at right now in my quest to leave current t. We're on a break right now (that I initiated). I have impulses where I want to call her. and come back. I'm 100% certain that I want to end therapy, but still have momentary cravings/impulses to contact her and go back. And true it's not really her that I miss... it's the being heard thing... which if I then stop and think about that, tells me that I need to get together with a close friend and go out for coffee/tea or something instead.

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

Wow Xynesthesia that sounds a lot like where I'm at right now in my quest to leave current t. We're on a break right now (that I initiated). I have impulses where I want to call her. and come back. I'm 100% certain that I want to end therapy, but still have momentary cravings/impulses to contact her and go back. And true it's not really her that I miss... it's the being heard thing... which if I then stop and think about that, tells me that I need to get together with a close friend and go out for coffee/tea or something instead.

I actually told my last T these things very directly once I had recognized them. Also the first, bad one, but he either did not comprehend it or just turned it into a manipulative, toxic game to try to lure me back. My last T understood or at least accepted I guess, probably in part because I had addiction/obsession issues as the main area I went to therapy for and we talked a lot about my struggles with cravings/impulses for different things that did not serve me well or used as distraction from stuff that was more important. He handled my occasional "lapses" (manifesting in emails sent to him) very well, usually responded in a brief and minimalistic way and did not engage more, never asked if I wanted to go back into sessions - basically did not reinforce my impulses but also did not ignore me at the same time. I found that helpful.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I wrote the woman letters. I did not want a response from her (she would have so ****ed up any response) so I found writing letters and mailing them worked well for me.

I do that. It works.

[fille_folle]

I've never left a T. I don't think I could. Granted, I have only had two - the first for 12 years and my current one for about a month. I knew I had to get someone good on the first try because I wouldn't be able to extricate myself if it was a bad fit. Longtime T allowed phone calls, texts, and emails. I still text her sometimes, since I just started with new T, but I'm trying to stop. New T has not provided her email or cell phone, so I assume she doesn't do that. I can call her at the office and leave a message - she doesn't have to be there to check her messages. I have not done this so far. I have a huge complex about being perceived as needy.