[musinglizzy]

I'm just feeling really low and lonely tonight. I'm emotionally exhausted. I've even tried to reach out to a couple of people...but no one's there....T1 is VERY busy expanding her practice, and things have changed and now it seems like she doesn't know I exist between sessions. She doesn't even remember things I tell her, important things, like she used to. T2 kicked me out....T2...the most loving, caring T....SO happy to see me at sessions, treated me with so much love...then we had a disagreement about my treatment plan and POOF. I'm kicked out. And being ignored. She will not talk to me AT ALL. T1 is there, but just too busy, I know I'm a bother. I can't seem to hold onto relationships (friendships)...the only ones I can hold onto are the ones who suck me dry because they need everything from me. My family is not supportive. I feel invisible at home. My husband is just not available. I have to compete with the TV, and I don't usually win. There are holiday lights everywhere, and they just make me more sad. This will be the first Christmas without my beloved grandfather. The only person in the world who adored me. I'm getting sucked into this depression too deep....and there's no one there....

[MessyD]

Hello!

I may not be much of a help but I get that. Feeling alone and sad, especially this time of the year. I like lights and music but it makes me extra sad this year too. I'm sorry you don't have T support either, that would make me feel even more hopeless. But know that you're not bothering anyone here and it can be helpful to vent out to strangers sometimes, so keep posting, it may help you to get through this time. Well, I don't know, but that's what I'm doing too..

[musinglizzy]

Thank you, I really appreciate your post. I've not been very active on PC lately, but it's certainly not because I've had nothing to share....I just didn't want to waste anyones time. Think I will try to go to bed, and hope to feel better in the morning. My soul feels empty. And I'm working on trying to fill it up again.

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Thank you, I really appreciate your post. I've not been very active on PC lately, but it's certainly not because I've had nothing to share....I just didn't want to waste anyones time. Think I will try to go to bed, and hope to feel better in the morning. My soul feels empty. And I'm working on trying to fill it up again.

I was very hesitant posting here too, for similar reasons but I'm starting. To care less. If someone doesn't want to read, they don't have to. And if they do, sometimes it turns out to be really helpful. And in some ways it fills up my emptiness too, altough that might not be the right way to do that. Anyway, get some rest, and post even if you just need a hello
And feel free to pm if you like

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Thank you, I really appreciate your post. I've not been very active on PC lately, but it's certainly not because I've had nothing to share....I just didn't want to waste anyones time. Think I will try to go to bed, and hope to feel better in the morning. My soul feels empty. And I'm working on trying to fill it up again.

Never feel like you are wasting anyone's time. We are in this together, all of us. Fighting similar fights. When you need support always feel free to reach out.

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry, ml. I'm kind of depressed now too. Maybe you need to look for a different T? I hope you feel better in the morning. You are NOT wasting anyone's time by posting! And you're not invisible here! You're as important as anyone else. Hugs.

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

Never feel like you are wasting anyone's time. We are in this together, all of us. Fighting similar fights. When you need support always feel free to reach out.

This is why I like this place. We are fighting similar fights. We are all different but can help each other fight. In the real world I just hear that I need to be more positive, oh well sometimes I don't know how and that makes me feel even worse. So yes, you're not wasting anyone's time here. People either want to log in or not, they can read your post or not and they can reply or not.

[TrailRunner14]

May I offer a hug to all and say that I’m feeling low myself.

This place gives me a place to be heard and feel welcomed too.

It feels so good to know that someone hears me and it’s ok to say how I feel.

My husband wants to watch tv and I take that as an ok to be in my space (with y’all) and that feels good.

No wasted time here sharing how you feel.

(((Hug)))

[growlycat]

I’m just here to say I’m so sorry you are hurting and keep posting.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. You're not alone. We're here and listening.

[Out There]

Hello ML I'm sorry you're feeling low , this is a difficult time of year without other things. But this is a place we can come to and reach out in and there's always someone here to listen and understand how we're feeling.

[GeminiNZ]

hello, musinglizzy
i'm sorry things are so rough for you. hope it helps to know people here care about you.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

I can relate to losing a grandparent that makes you feel adored and at the center of the world. You are grieving a terrible loss that can't be replaced. I am sorry for it and I hope you are able to get the connection and support you need to get through this difficult time.

[musinglizzy]

Thank you all for your posts of support and encouragement. The only thing I know how to try to do is stay busy, and today I'll work on cleaning my basement, which has gone to hell. I actually sleep/live in the basement, but everything but my room and bathroom has just been turned into big piles of mess.

I have something else I was going to bring up, but I'll make another thread about that...about dissociation.

[musinglizzy]

Thanks again for the replies....I managed to try to stay busy today, but my mind is still haunted, no matter what I do. I'm pretty sure this is the lowest I have ever felt, and it has been going on for a few months now. I posted here last night because I was a little scared. And just needed to know someone was out there, listening to me. Evenings are hard....and again, tonight, is no exception. My heart feels pretty empty.

Hello MusingLizzy,

I hope your days get better <3 Your words are seen. You matter.

[guilloche]

Just sending some warm thoughts, MusingLizzy.

I'm really sorry to hear about your grandfather. Mine passed a couple years ago, and it hit me a little harder than I expected. It IS hard. And sad. *hugs*. Do you have anything that you can do to help hold on to his memory? Mine was very in to music (he played in several bands) - and part of me honoring him was learning a song that he loved on the piano, for example.

Is there any way to schedule a second weekly session with the T that you have, just for the next couple weeks maybe, to help give you some additional support?

That's awful about your other T. Really ridiculous that she dropped you like that - I am so, so sorry. You didn't deserve that!

*hugs*

[musinglizzy]

Thanks much. Just struggling a lot lately, and appreciate the replies. guilloche, I already see T1 twice a week normally.

Yes, what T2 did was awful. Simply because I didn't agree with her, and she has not allowed me a final termination session, nor answered any Emails, just to kind of close the door on this. I miss her terribly. I feel like what she did was awful, but regardless of that, the work we did together was excellent, and she is truly a HEALER. She's amazing. So that makes it hurt even more...