[Daeva]

Still struggling with this therapist. I can't even stand going to see her. It's such a mix of things. There is just something fundamentally wrong with her that I do not like, along with a list of things I can name that I do not like about her. It's like we are soda and pop rocks. Dancing around each other cause we know what'll happen when we clash, yet wanting it to happen.

Answering her work and cell phone in session, talking over me, not listening to me, being rude to me at times, giving me bad advice, talking about herself--which is ironic cause usually i like to know about my T but this one I could not give a damn about--going through paper work while i'm there and the general way she talks to me. When I try to tell her whats going on she gives me the basic generic advice I could find under a snapple cap, with a bunch of the positive sunshine bs on top of it all. It's like she's not listening or caring at all.

What is worse is there times she doesn't believe me because I'm not acting like what I'm saying. I have a very hard time expressing emotion to anyone cause I do not like to be vulnerable, so I shut down when I have to be with people. Even her. So when she asks how my week is I am honest and I tell her I was depressed this ad this day, I cried randomly this day, I feel hopeless. But it's all with a very flat affect and no emotion. I can see why it would be difficult for her. Yet the way she speaks, and what she says makes it obvious she doesn't believe what I'm saying.

Like sorry I'm not having a nervous breakdown in front of you of all people, but I don't even know if I like you as a person let alone as a therapist. So why would I be open and vulnerable with you?

The problem is that no matter what I say, it goes in one ear out the other. And if I try to force myself to show the emotion it just won't come. I was thinking of a transfer then I remember it took them almost 2 months to transfer me to her, when my other T quit. And that was an involuntary transfer, one that couldn't be avoided. I can't imagine to think how long i'd have to go with no one to speak to for a voluntary one.

And the last few days have been hard, and I've been wanting to self harm so much, especially tonight. And I can't help but think at least then I'll have something to show her so she can see I'm not lying.

You honestly could chart all my therapists by their IQ's. First was T1 she'd be high up, then the next one further down and then this one bottom rung of the evolutionary intelligence ladder. A perfect \ graph

Originally Posted by Daeva

What is worse is there times she doesn't believe me because I'm not acting like what I'm saying. I have a very hard time expressing emotion to anyone cause I do not like to be vulnerable, so I shut down when I have to be with people. Even her. So when she asks how my week is I am honest and I tell her I was depressed this ad this day, I cried randomly this day, I feel hopeless. But it's all with a very flat affect and no emotion. I can see why it would be difficult for her. Yet the way she speaks, and what she says makes it obvious she doesn't believe what I'm saying.

Like sorry I'm not having a nervous breakdown in front of you of all people, but I don't even know if I like you as a person let alone as a therapist. So why would I be open and vulnerable with you?

I definitely relate to that. And I've had a therapist or two that didn't believe me, either.

Sounds like it's time for a new therapist. Unfortunately some times you have to shop around until you find one that's a good fit for you. I kind of equate it to shopping for a new pair of jeans. Some times you have to try on a few before you find that one that fits just right. :P

She sounds terribly unprofessional and disrespectful towards you.

Please, I hope you can transfer to s different T. You deserve so much better than someone who isn't even trying to "phone it in".

[rainbow8]

She sounds awful for you! Can you try to find a new T?

[Out There]

That doesn't sound good for you in many aspects. The external appearance doesn't reflect the internal state so people say how they're feeling and that needs to be accepted. She sounds unprofessional and maybe no therapist is better than a bad therapist. I'm sure there's a good fit for you out there. Good luck finding them !

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Out There

That doesn't sound good for you in many aspects. The external appearance doesn't reflect the internal state so people say how they're feeling and that needs to be accepted. She sounds unprofessional and maybe no therapist is better than a bad therapist. I'm sure there's a good fit for you out there. Good luck finding them !

Agreed--you need to find a different therapist. In a recent session, I was telling my T about how I'd had a really rough week the week before. I was like, "I realize I'm smiling when I'm talking about it, so it probably seems like it wasn't that bad." And he said, "It's actually a common thing to be smiling or laughing about painful things--it's a defense mechanism, a way of trying not to make the other person uncomfortable." So I appreciated that he got it.

But really, the answering the phone, doing paperwork, not really listening, and not seeming to understand you at all point to your needing a new T. You deserve one who is present in session with you and who understands. Hopefully you have some other options near you...

[SummerTime12]

I can understand the fear of having no one to talk to while awaiting a transfer, but it seems like this T is really not helping you at all. Would it be possible to start building up some resources to use during the time between therapists so that you feel more empowered to make the change? Maybe consider online therapy for that time? There are also some texting or online chat services that I’ve found helpful when I don’t have access to a t. If you are interested I can list them. Maybe find a handful of members here who would want to be extra supportive to you during that transition through private message or whatever other means? I know nothing’s the same as having someone there in person listening to you, but quite honestly it does not seem like your current t is even giving you that. You deserve much better

[SalingerEsme]

This T sounds destructive for you to see. I wonder if you could find someone trained specifically in complex trauma, who takes their job super serious and looks at it as a calling. There are so many sub par T's, but there are some game changers out there too.

You can stop seeing her, right? Or are there no other options?

Really sounds like this is doing you no good to stay. I hope you can find a different option that will be helpful rather than harmful.

[Daeva]

Well the other day i had an appt with her but I never got the reminder call, which I was planning on since I lost the slip and get anxious calling to ask. So the day comes and she calls me and goes "You have an appt today" and i asked "what but i wasnt reminded, I have things to do that I can't reschedule." When she called she said hello in an annoyed ton (Though it was still 4 hours til my appt), and was angry/annoyed and was being rude to me, so we ended up in a yelling match to which the end of it was being told i couldnt see her for another two weeks now and im like 'what a tragedy'

[growlycat]

Oh I hope you can dump this witch!!!!

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Oh I hope you can dump this witch!!!!

I'm trying but the only place around here is a public center, and they only have a few people and we have alot of mentally ill people in the area so everyone else has no spots open for me to transfer. So while we are waiting, I am trying to find a way to get on with this one.

[itisnt]

Originally Posted by Daeva

I'm trying but the only place around here is a public center, and they only have a few people and we have alot of mentally ill people in the area so everyone else has no spots open for me to transfer. So while we are waiting, I am trying to find a way to get on with this one.

I really do get that you want to make it work because you have no other options right now, but this T is a JERK! She appears to be wrapped up in her own issues, can't control her own impulses to jump in and give useless advice and she is looking for a "fight" (discharge of her own anger on another), revealed in her willingness to engage in an argument with you over the phone over a missed/unconfirmed appointment. Ditch this woman and find another, even if it takes more time than you want to take. . . believe me, taking the time to search out another will be more therapeutic to you than dealing with the weekly stupidity of this one! Good luck.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Daeva

Still struggling with this therapist. I can't even stand going to see her. It's such a mix of things. There is just something fundamentally wrong with her that I do not like, along with a list of things I can name that I do not like about her. It's like we are soda and pop rocks. Dancing around each other cause we know what'll happen when we clash, yet wanting it to happen.

Answering her work and cell phone in session, talking over me, not listening to me, being rude to me at times, giving me bad advice, talking about herself--which is ironic cause usually i like to know about my T but this one I could not give a damn about--going through paper work while i'm there and the general way she talks to me. When I try to tell her whats going on she gives me the basic generic advice I could find under a snapple cap, with a bunch of the positive sunshine bs on top of it all. It's like she's not listening or caring at all.

What is worse is there times she doesn't believe me because I'm not acting like what I'm saying. I have a very hard time expressing emotion to anyone cause I do not like to be vulnerable, so I shut down when I have to be with people. Even her. So when she asks how my week is I am honest and I tell her I was depressed this ad this day, I cried randomly this day, I feel hopeless. But it's all with a very flat affect and no emotion. I can see why it would be difficult for her. Yet the way she speaks, and what she says makes it obvious she doesn't believe what I'm saying.

Like sorry I'm not having a nervous breakdown in front of you of all people, but I don't even know if I like you as a person let alone as a therapist. So why would I be open and vulnerable with you?

The problem is that no matter what I say, it goes in one ear out the other. And if I try to force myself to show the emotion it just won't come. I was thinking of a transfer then I remember it took them almost 2 months to transfer me to her, when my other T quit. And that was an involuntary transfer, one that couldn't be avoided. I can't imagine to think how long i'd have to go with no one to speak to for a voluntary one.

And the last few days have been hard, and I've been wanting to self harm so much, especially tonight. And I can't help but think at least then I'll have something to show her so she can see I'm not lying.

You honestly could chart all my therapists by their IQ's. First was T1 she'd be high up, then the next one further down and then this one bottom rung of the evolutionary intelligence ladder. A perfect \ graph

I don’t see how going to her would be beneficial if you’re still travel in the same path with her. I would suggest speaking to her and letting her know that youndont feel that you’re being heard and that the things that she is doing during session is a distraction. At this point if there’s no one else to go to then I would bring it to her awareness. Otherwise it’s frustrating to you and it’s almost like a waste of time. If you’re able to see someone else now and you think that she won’t change then move on. Going to therlaybis about you and you meeting your needs.

I know how that feels like. My T would also answer phones and she was distracted at times. I felt like some of the things she said was out of a fortune cookie and generalized. Just when I thought things were getting better it went in the opposite direction.

If I were you I would address it and make her aware or move on to someone that will listen. You shouldn’t have to prove anything to your T in or see for her to believe you. Therpay shouldn’t be about proving things to your T we do enough of that in the outside world.

[Wonderfalls]

Make sure you're on that waiting list or whatever you have to do to be up for another therapist as soon as possible. I just fired mine for doing that sort of thing--only a whole lot less than your therapist! In the meantime do whatever little things you can do without making it worse. Mark you therapy dates on a calendar you keep close watch on and don't expect reminder calls. Complain about some things (like phone calls) that you feel you can do without starting a fight, which are only counter productive at this point. Try to think of some damn think she is good at.

[Daeva]

The only reason I keep going to this therapist while I'm on the waiting list, is that I love my psychiatrist who is in the same facility and in order to continue being seen by her I need to be currently seeing one of their therapists. So in order for me to keep her, I have to continue seeing my Therapist until I get a new one so it's not interrupted.

But yes I'm on the waiting list now so there's that and gonna be calling every week to make sure they are working on finding me a new one.