[Lrad123]

My therapist starts each session by just looking at me, sort of expressionless, and waiting for me to talk. I find this sort of unappealing because it feels awkward to just come in and start talking about personal things out of the blue with no “warm up” small talk or even “how are you?” I feel put on the spot and sort of dread this each week. He has said he doesn’t want to lead me, but there has got to be a better way or some sort of compromise. I guess this is sort of a classic psychodynamic approach. How do your therapists start? Does it work for you? Anyone seeing a psychodynamic therapist???

[ElectricManatee]

Mine usually starts with "How are you doing?" Sometimes she will ask "How was X thing?" if I had been talking about some event that was coming up. "How are you doing?" feels okay to me because that seems to invite talking about mood, sleep, what happened that week, how I feel about her/therapy, or anything else. I would not like a more specific question because I usually come in with an idea of what I want to talk about.

Have to asked your T specifically if he would do something different with you? I would find the blank stare thing a little awkward too.

[MessyD]

Usually he asks me how I am or what am I feeling or my favorite what am I aware of. Or he might ask about something specific. But occasionally he does the stare as well. He would just look at me and I usually just say whaaat? He might say you tell me or something like that and I say nothing. And then it goes from there with little steps. But mine isn't psychodynamic so I don't think he has an agenda. And he leads a lot too.

[LostOnTheTrail]

'How are you doing, Lost?' Such warmth. Such 'I want to be here, I want to help...'

I have a diary card to do each day every week. It covers things like if I had a desire to self harm, suicidal thoughts, risky sex, drug/alcohol abuse, anxiety and general emotions. We open up every session by looking at my card and going over it.

She often says, "So, you are here". She sometimes asks, "Are you breathing?". It's about as basic as you can get which is a reflection of how stupid I am in the therapy room.

[Lemoncake]

R:"Hello- How are you?"

But this week the how are you was replaced by what does your t-shirt say?

Mr Men is a series of books for children with characters like Mr Happy, Mr Tickle. My T-shirt had Mr strong with the caption saying "I'm Mr strong and I'm the strongest Man in the world".

[clueda]

First, my T greets me by shaking my hand. I always need to time to 'warm up' so she usually asks me how my week has been. I tell her something like "uuuuh... okay, I think" () so she follows up with some questions and gets me talking. Sometimes she will also ask me how I felt after the last session. Or she might have a follow-up question...
After a few minutes of our warm-up-talk T asks me, if we are already on the right topic, or if I'd like to focus on something else. It works for me.

(In the very beginning of my therapy she would just look at me, waiting for me to talk. This freaked me out and I'm glad we have found a compromise!)

[malika138]

Mine used to start by asking, "What do you want to talk about today?", which I felt awkward. Now she says, "How's your week been?" unless I've sent an email in some sort of crisis, in which she jumps right into that.

[Salmon77]

Mine is psychodynamic and also waits for me to start talking. I used to make small talk but he doesn't respond to it much, he said once it is a way to avoid talking about important things. This bugged me at first but I'm okay with it now.

[feileacan]

My therapy sessions usually start by me entering the room, my T saying "hi", to which I usually don't answer. He would actually shake hands as well but I rejected that more than a year ago. Then I will go and lay down on the couch and then fall silent for about 5 minutes. By that time my T has come to the conclusion that I probably won't be starting my session today and tries to get us going somehow.

Sometimes he tries to warm me up with a question like "how was your weekend" or "how do you feel this morning" or something similar and I totally hate that. I never tell him because honestly, it's not his f..ing business how my weekend went or how I'm currently feeling (not that I would know that anyway).

So we struggle every session. And every attempt he makes to try to be helpful just makes me so angry for some unknown reason. And obviously I don't want to talk about my anger because that feels like giving in to him. So, yeah, whatever. I guess I sound pretty angry ...

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

If we already have seen each other this week, he will usually ask how the time after last session/contact was. If we haven't seen each other the whole week, he'll start with "Tell me about your week" or "And, how about you?"If I decide to make small talk for a bit, he'll join in and ask what I would like to talk about today if I waste too much time. Otherwise, we talk about whatever I want straight away (which is what usually happens for me).

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

Mine is psychodynamic and also waits for me to start talking. I used to make small talk but he doesn't respond to it much, he said once it is a way to avoid talking about important things. This bugged me at first but I'm okay with it now.

Yes Salmon77, the lack of small talk really bugs me. Any tips on how to get over it or make it feel less awkward? I wasn’t aware of this dynamic before starting therapy recently, and I just dread going now because I know I’ll be expected to talk right away and I never feel ready. How long did it take you to get used to it? It’s been 3 months for me.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Have you ever asked your T about it? Kind of like "it makes me feel very weird to just have you sit in silence until I say something, could you maybe come up with one or two sentences you could use at the start?". It's not like that's gonna change anything about therapy, and it would make you feel more comfortable, so it should be doable for a T.

[pepper_mint]

Mine also waits for me to start talking
For me, it's really difficult part of the session (and also often frustrating). It's strange to talk to someone who didn't ask about anything... When someone asks I feel they are more interested how I'm doing.

I told my T about this, but it hasn't changed anything.
She said that usually something I said first seems to be the most important thing for me. I'm not sure if I agree... I think I usually say the most important things rather at the end of the session

[Fernwehxx]

Mibe usually asks how I am, or how I've been since the last session, ot asks about sth specific from the last session. Usually, she picks me up in the waiting room and walks with me to the office, and on the way we chitchat a bit. I couldnt deal with silence because I need her to ask in order for me to talk.

She waits for me to say something so I usually start with "hello" even though we've already said that as I walk up to the door from my car lol. Sometimes I don't bother with that and I just dive right in. There have been times I have started talking before my butt hits the couch haha.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

Usually we’re making small talk as we walk into her office. Then she either asks how I’m doing or looks at me and waits for me to start talking. If she’s got something particular to cover, she’ll start off with, “I was thinking about...” or similar, and go from there.

[pepper_mint]

Recently I had a session where I couldn't start (I didn't know what to say) and she didn't ask anything (as always) - and we're sitting for like 15 minutes in silence
It was soooooooo discomforting. Now, I'm trying to say just anything - to avoid this long silence at the beginning

[fille_folle]

My T says come on back, fille_folle. I go sit on the couch and she follows me in and shuts the door. She usually sighs as she walks to her chair - not in a woe-is-me way or anything, I can't really describe it. Thank goodness she's not one of those Ts who says absolutely nothing at the beginning. I couldn't deal with that. She asks me how I am. I tend towards saying I'm ok or fine, but sometimes I'll say I'm stressed. I sit hunched and stare at a particular picture or try to read the titles on her bookshelf. She usually says "you're fine/ok" in a sort of questioning way, and I nod. Then she either asks what I want to talk about today or asks for an update on something we've been talking about a lot (my classes). This new T is a bit different from my longtime T in that she doesn't always respond when I'm finished talking. Even if I work up the courage to shoot a glance her way, she doesn't always end The Great Silence. But I'm stubborn, and if I don't have anything else to say, I will sit in silence until she gives up on me saying anything else and speaks. We continue to do this until the end of the session. I think she probably does not look forward to my visits and my stubborn silence.

[Salmon77]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

Yes Salmon77, the lack of small talk really bugs me. Any tips on how to get over it or make it feel less awkward? I wasn’t aware of this dynamic before starting therapy recently, and I just dread going now because I know I’ll be expected to talk right away and I never feel ready. How long did it take you to get used to it? It’s been 3 months for me.

I don't know how long it took. I guess I just accepted that I wasn't paying him to talk about the weather or whatever so I might as well get to it. Now I think beforehand of exactly what I'm going to say at the start so I feel ready enough.

[AllHeart]

My t usually asks how I am, what's going on, or what I'd like to talk about. General questions to try to get me going. Have you told your t how you need something to get you engaged? I would hope that your t would be understanding and more than willing to help you out.

[Fernwehxx]

I can't believe some of them sit there in ailence with you forever. I mean, its kinda natural to say something, and asking a client hiw she or he is is, imo, only polite. I get they want you to take charge, but sitting there for minutes without talking does not seem therapeutic to me. It would kill me.

[annielovesbacon]

After I come into T's office and she closes the door, I generally make just a bit of small talk because I also have trouble just jumping right in to the difficult issues. Just a brief exchange of how are you? how was your holiday? I like your sweater, etc.
Then she will ask me, "What do you want to focus on today?"
If we kind of left off in the middle of an issue in a previous session I ask if I can bring it back up. But sometimes I have to come up with something new... sometimes it's very awkward! Sometimes I feel like I don't have anything new to say, yet I don't feel okay or like I have no issues. But lucky for me, I always seem to be doing something dumb, so that's generally a good starting point for me

I'm psychoanalytic. Have never not struggled with this over the years. Talked about it.
As T says, transitions are difficult for me, particularly when we are transitioning from the every day conscious self we are out in the world to the inside unconscious self In the therapy room.