[fille_folle]

I've never felt like I understood what Ts are asking when they say "what do you need right now from me" or "what can I do to help you right now." I'm interested to hear how others have responded. I always feel like I'm rejecting my T when I can't think of anything.

Also, what do you think my T is thinking during the long, looooong silences? Is she annoyed that I don't keep talking? Sometimes I imagine that her gaze might cause me to spontaneously combust. I feel really exposed and like T is maybe analyzing my every movement. It makes me want to hide.

T is giving you the space to think. To see what comes up for you, rather then her pushing for something.

[Lemoncake]

To the first question I answered reliability and out of session contact when I needed it.and things are better now in that aspect- he acknowledges all emails and replies within 48 hours.

I defiantly don't think she'd be annoyed with you. I didn't used to like silences either when i first started, but now I find it comforting. I don't need him to say anything just be there with me, when I don't have any words.

[ElectricManatee]

Oh, great question! I almost never know how to answer that question. A few times I have basically asked for reassurance and gotten it. At least once I told her that I wanted to know how she felt about a specific thing I had shared that day. But yeah, in general, I have no idea what I can even ask for!

I tell her that I need reassurance or validation. Sometimes I just say I need to know that I'm making sense and she understands. We have been doing this long enough that she doesn't ask much anymore, she usually knows what I need.

As for the silence, I see it as a way for her to get me to talk. It's also the quickest way for me to stay silent. I refuse to fall for those tricks and it become a a battle of wills at that point.

[Fernwehxx]

I never kniw what to say because what I need tebds to push boundaries. So, a lot of time, I claim not to know when I don't want to ask sth of her that might be too much.

My T would never ask those questions or fulfill any of my therapy needs. I have to figure out how to fulfill my needs myself or elsewhere. It's been really hard but I keep trying.

Maybe you could talk with her about how you feel when she asks you the questions rather than think about how to answer them.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

Maybe during the silences, she is just sitting with you patiently, letting you have space for your thoughts.

[ruh roh]

At different times, I've said I have no idea what to ask because I'm not trained in providing therapy, so what kinds of things did she offer? A couple of times, I just asked her if she could be nicer to me, which seemed to irritate her. I think it's a hard question to answer--first to know what I want and then to guess at if it's something a therapist does. I kind of wish they had a menu to pick from to get the ball rolling.

[junkDNA]

I hate this question. I also hate what do you want to work on today. These questions anger me. I want T to read my mind dammit!!!

[stopdog]

For her to stay back and not talk.

[chihirochild]

I usually say, "I wish I knew. I can't think of anything that you could do or say to make me fell better. Can you think of anything?"

Inevitably, she/he can't think of anything. And then we sit together and are sad about it.

[LostOnTheTrail]

'I'm not sure', then follow up a few days later with a list via email...and then feel bad about being that specific.

[East17]

I usually say I just need someone to listen, to offload to.
It helps just to have that space where I can say whatever, or just cry if I need to, knowing I won't be judged for it.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T never asks that question and there's never really any silences (unless I'm trying to think of a topic). But I do tell my T what I need. I tell her I need reassurance, comfort, encouragement, etc.

[SummerTime12]

My last T used to ask this so often and I hated it. I usually just said “I don’t know.” What I wanted to say though was “you’re the professional, shouldn’t you know how to help me? I’m here because I don’t know what to do with myself!”

Current T has never aked any version of this, thankfully

[awkwardlyyours]

I've never been asked.

[InnerPeace111]

My T has never asked me this question. Above all else, I just need her to see me as a human being working through my challenges in order to live my best life possible...a life of peace and and compassion. My T already does this for me. I think we both just kind of figured out together what I needed. We’ve never talked about it.

[fille_folle]

Thank you everyone for all of the replies. I think my problem is that I hate asking anyone for anything because I can't bear to ask and be denied. Plus, I worry that expressing any sort of need will lead to a loss of control and my black hole of neediness will swallow everything up.

As for the silence, I think T is waiting for me to say more, as I'm rather sparing with my words. However, I refuse to talk just to fill the silence. Sometimes she asks what I'm thinking. I'm usually wondering what she's thinking, but I don't say that.

[winterblues17]

I don't recall ever being asked that! If she did I'm not sure I'd even be able to answer it, I couldn't think of anything than saying well actually I need XYZ from you right now and then being told I can't give you that...
Although maybe for me at least it would be a good question to ask me because I'm not the type that would say what I need/want without prompting