I'm letting myself be hurt by my T....Please...I need positive advice!

I've posted several times about me e-mailing my T. I end up being hurt beacuse she doesn't respond when I need her, which seems to be every second of every day.

My T and I have dicussed this, she says she doesn't mind at all my e-mailing but she can't always respond. She also said forr me to stop e-mailing an apology after e-mailing her to begin with. I do this because I think she hates me, its not true, but I seem to have 2 concious entities in me. 1 being positive and 1 being negative.

The negative over powers my positive...I guess I'm weak aren't I?

I tried to resist the craving of feeling to e-mail her. But my mind got overwhelmed and I just had to yesterday, I was crying and felt a release.

She hasn't e-mailed me back...its almost been 1 day....

She's a very busy person..I should know that...I'm just sooo negative that every goodthing turns bad.....

I'm sorry if I sound dumb...I just don't know what to do....

I feel horrible......

It sounds like your T does not mind that you email her. If it makes you feel better than I say go for it. However, she also told you that she can't respond to all of them. Maybe this is just one of those times.

BB

Dont call yourself weak!! You are reaching out, and that takes courage...I was thinking, the power of typing out what you're going through is neat to see it in print, perhaps an alternative to writing your T would be to write on an online journal such as livejournal.com, you can keep it completely private from others, you can rate your mood, everything from pensive to artstic to dorky to melancholy, and you see a face feel what you are feeling once you label your mood. You can change the journal's format to go with your mood, record the music that was playing while you were writing, give your entry a title, edit your entries, it is powerful force at understanding your mood...another option is to keep us posted here at PC writing it out that way....or posting a poem or short story in the creative corner expressing yourself that way...or pictures..does any of this help? write back, junerain

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I'm letting myself be hurt by my T...

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Yes it's good insight that you are the one doing it

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I feel horrible......

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more ... sometimes we just have to feel that way. It's a kind of connection itself; thinking of her keeps you connected to her. You don't sound and you are not dumb; you're longing for T and that's okay. You will be relieved eventually when she responds or when you see her next. There isn't anything for you to do; that can be relieving too--knowing that there isn't anything for you to do! You are feeling what you feel and you don't have to 'do' anything about it at all.

I think the part about not apologizing after is that she wants you to give her time to read what you wrote in the first place and to respond to that. Until she responds you don't have anything to apologize for; she says it's okay to email. Apologies aren't negative; they're useful when needed.

I hope you feel better soon. Can you journal in the meantime?

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Junerain said:
Dont call yourself weak!! You are reaching out, and that takes courage...I was thinking, the power of typing out what you're going through is neat to see it in print, perhaps an alternative to writing your T would be to write on an online journal such as livejournal.com, you can keep it completely private from others, you can rate your mood, everything from pensive to artstic to dorky to melancholy, and you see a face feel what you are feeling once you label your mood. You can change the journal's format to go with your mood, record the music that was playing while you were writing, give your entry a title, edit your entries, it is powerful force at understanding your mood...another option is to keep us posted here at PC writing it out that way....or posting a poem or short story in the creative corner expressing yourself that way...or pictures..does any of this help? write back, junerain

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Thanks! I've tried several times creating an online blog/journal. I felt sad when I wrote, I felt whats the point in taking so much time when its not helping, and more so when no one is reading it. I also right poetry, but feel equally the same. I write my T letters, she reads them at the beginning of each session. This coming visit I want to read them outloud. I'm so close to crying...I better stop...ty for help.........

Dustin

That is not weak!
I email my T CONSTANTLY every day. She replies as much as possible. If she doesn't after a certain amount of time my mind also floods with negatives and doubt. It's something that has to be worked on in therapy. We have to learn not to think that everything in the world revolves around *us* but that they may be busy, tired, computer crashed, etc. That the good and bad in life are not because of something we did or did not do... This takes a lot of work!
Trust in your T!

I don't email my T but this would drive me crazy too.

If you need a way to communicate with her when you really really need her, then you need to establish that means with her. For example, can you leave a phone message occasionally for her to call you back? Or will you be tempted to leave them all the time? Can you let her know in an email if this is one time that you really need to hear back from her?

(((((Moonkin)))))