[atisketatasket]

Came up in another thread.

If you were to run into your therapist in public, do you want them to acknowledge you? Or ignore you? Or do you want to be the one to decide?

If you have run into your therapist in public, did they acknowledge you, ignore you, did you acknowledge them, ignore them, or something else, or did you two already have a plan in place?

[ruh roh]

Thanks. I have told my therapist to please say hello back. The many times I've seen her outside the office (like, on another floor or in the street), she smiled and said hello back about 75% of the time. The other times, she ignored me, and it wasn't that she was lost in thought. She saw my dog and kept her head down and away from me. I wish she knew how that felt.

[stopdog]

While I seriously doubt I would recognize the woman out of context or her me, I would absolutely not want her to acknowledge me. I would never acknowledge her. I don't know what the point would be of doing so.

I find it jarring (and I usually cannot recall their name or who they are and where I know them from) if a student or colleague acknowledges me out of context.

[88Butterfly88]

Most likely ignore but it depends on a few factors. First, it would depend who is around. If I'm with someone who doesn't know I'm in therapy or who I don't want knowing the details of my therapy I certainly wouldn't want my t acknowledging me. If I'm in a certain mood I wouldn't want to see her either. For example, if I'm feeling great I may not want to see her because I wouldn't want to be reminded of whatever problem I was talking to her about. On the other hand, if for whatever reason I was visibly upset and t came to comfort me I would be touched.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I doubt I'd ever see him in public, since our city is huge. We also haven't discussed the possibility. However, if we were to see each other, it would really depend on who I am with, and who he is with. I'd not want him to say hi if he were accompanied by anyone at all. And I'd not want him to acknowledge me if I was accompanied by certain people, with others it would be fine.

So I'd expect him to certainly not start the interaction, and if I were to acknowledge him, to be smart enough to just say something like "hi, good to see you" and not start talking to me more... which I'm pretty sure would be what he would do.

[ElectricManatee]

I have seen my therapist at the grocery store twice. The first time was several years ago when I spied her in the greeting card aisle from afar. I felt anxious and not sure I wanted to say hi (or if she would welcome that), so I avoided her. The second time was in the produce department earlier this year. Our relationship was quite different by then, and I felt/feel a lot closer to her. She saw me but I didn't see her, so she came over and said hi and chatted with me briefly. We talked about it the next time I saw her, and she said she normally wouldn't approach a client in public but that she thought I would welcome it (which she was right about). We were both at the store alone, and I think she had a good enough read on me to predict how I would respond, so it was all good. If it happened again, I would prefer to acknowledge each other. I am fairly open about being in therapy in general, so it wouldn't bother me if people saw us talking.

I don't know if it counts as "in public," but I sometimes see my T in the parking lot/office building corridors outside her private practice. I always say hi and sometimes we chat a bit if we're going the same direction. I would feel super weird if she ignored me there, especially since there are usually few or no other people around.

Some of us might need to think about this in advance and discuss it with our therapist. Thanks for this thread/reminder.

About a year ago, a friend of mine invited H and I to a play with her husband. At the time, my shame was still extremely deep about having attempted suicide in 2015. I felt like if anyone in public knew my secret I would be rejected. When I saw my former H at that play, it caused me a lot of distress. Rather than being present in the moment by enjoying the play and my friend's company, I began compulsively thinking about if she saw and acknowledged me--I would die of shame because all the friends she was with would know I was a patient. I was embarrassed about being in therapy. Seeing my T that night caught me by surprise (I don't think she saw me and I didn't bring up seeing her in therapy). I was still depressed or maybe it was anxiety and there she was happy and having a good time with her friends--seeing her reminded me of all the mental pain I was still in back then. It was an unpleasant reminder that I was not well.

I think I would expect my current T to acknowledge me but my past experience proves that if a T does not acknowledge you in a public situation, maybe there is a healthy explanation for it. I am no longer embarrassed about being in therapy. I have brought it up once or twice in one on one conversations with friends and acquaintences but think my attempt would be a too jarring of a conversational topic.....

[AllHeart]

We’ve discussed. Confidentiality rules do not permit her to make the first move to acknowledge me in public. If I choose to smile at her, she can then smile back. If I choose to speak to her, she can then speak back. I suspect I would instigate a very quick, casual, friendly greeting with my t if I were to ever run into her. I anticipate she would respond in kind as well.

Yes, I've told my Ts to say hi when we come across one another--no matter who I'm with. He doesn't have to wait until I acknowledge him first.

I casually mention being in therapy to many people; and for me, there are no instances where I'd need to hide it.

[stopdog]

Perhaps another poll on whether if you choose not to do it, you are hiding anything. I don't acknowledge any number of categories of people simply because I don't recognize them. Also I don't want to intrude (or be intruded upon) by non-friends if I am out. I don't think it is automatically hiding anything. I think privacy in any number of areas is a good thing.

[awkwardlyyours]

Current T apparently thinks it's perfectly normal to acknowledge clients of her own accord if she sees them outside.

Thankfully, she and I live on opposite ends of the place and operate in very very different spaces.

I would definitely not want any acknowledgment of any sort -- I'd most likely be the person to be first aware of seeing her and if I haven't already high-tailed it outta there, I'd definitely not want her to say anything.

I haven't told her that though -- figure it's a pointless conversation since the risk of it happening is so low.

[Argonautomobile]

Sometimes when I drive past the clinic on my way home from work, in 5:00 traffic, this thought enters my head that what if I fender-bendered into him? Or he into me? Could we just ignore each other and pretend it never happened?

[MessyD]

I think my changes of running into him are very low so I haven't put much thought into it. I think I would feel a little awkward, but I'm pretty sure I would want him to acknowledge him and maybe just say hello. Even if I was with someone else, I don't think I would have to explain anything to the person I'm with.

[healinginprogress]

I would probably want her to smile, wave, or something similar. We've already had this discussion and I know that she won't do anything unless I initiate contact. Privacy rules and all that jazz.

[winterblues17]

I would prob say hello or wave, and I'd like to think she would do the same. I think it would feel strange to just not awknowledge eachother.

[NP_Complete]

I've had both happen. We live in a large city but both attend the games of the professional soccer team here. The first time I saw him we locked eyes for a second and I waved at him, but put my head down rather quickly, so I didn't really see his response. I saw that he was with his partner. I gather from what he said at our next session that he likely ignored me. He said he didn't want to explain to whoever he is with who I am.

The next time, we were both alone. He saw me and waved and smiled to get my attention. I smiled back and said hello but kept walking. I didn't want it to be awkward to stop and have a chat with him. Maybe it wouldn't have been.

I've seen him a time or two where he didn't see me and I just kept walking.

I'm not embarrassed about being in therapy and I wouldn't care if he said hi to me if I was with someone. I think in general, if you're not alone, they should follow the client's lead. If we were both alone, I'd feel hurt if he didn't acknowledge me though.

[atisketatasket]

No. 3—the only one I have encountered in public—thinks, like AY’s current t, that it is perfectly OK to acknowledge a client in public.

Even when she is undressed in a locker room.

She seemed offended post-incident when I asked her to let me set the tone in public.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

No. 3—the only one I have encountered in public—thinks, like AY’s current t, that it is perfectly OK to acknowledge a client in public.
Even when she is undressed in a locker room.
She seemed offended post-incident when I asked her to let me set the tone in public.

She should at least let you set the tone in pubic

[LostOnTheTrail]

That is mad, ATAT. That is definitely a situation in which you wouldn't acknowledge a client in public...no matter the field.

I want to be ignored. I would completely pretend I didn't know her. I'm not embarrassed about therapy, everyone who knows me knows I go. I just prefer to keep our relationship in office.

I voted: "Acknowledge me", "Ignore me", and "It depends (on my mood, on my sartorial or cosmetic status, etc.)". I tend to fluctuate and have the same kind of inner ambivalence about any (personal or professional) acquaintance running into each-other unexpectedly, so therapists and most people.

[InnerPeace111]

I have never run into my therapist in public. We have never discussed it in therapy. I am guessing she wouldn’t acknowledge me unless I acknowledged her first. Truthfully, though, I would like it if she smiled and said hi to me in public. I would just smile back and say hi without any further discussion. That would make me happy.

[fille_folle]

I voted follow my lead... because if the T did otherwise, it would be unethical. I wouldn't actually mind my T acknowledging me first, it would just be a bit uncomfortable because I know they aren't supposed to do that.

[rhcpchance]

I am an identical twin.

There was one time that my T saw my sister out in public and waved excitedly at her thinking that it was me. She politely waved back, but didn't go out of her way to say anything to him because she doesn't know him. He then realized that he was not waving to me. At my next appointment he said he was embarrassed lol.

[wheeler]

I own a retail shop which my T shops at once or twice a week. We have talked about how we each will handle it. For the most part we simply acknowledge each other and say Hi. If she is with just her husband we exchange greetings as well.