Couch 160: The Squeaky Clean Couch!

i may keep this on hand for whenevever you are convinced he hates you and you burn him out.

Total sense. At least according to my therapist, who answers this question from me (and apparently from other clients) on a pretty regular basis.

I thought of your post this morning because I was looking for something else in my journal, and ran across my similar questions a couple times. According to the journal, the last time I asked, t’s response was, “It sounds like you’re still blaming yourself.” I didn’t say “Duh.” Remarkable restraint, I think.

74 degrees F here right now. I love this desert.

Ugh. I am at the allergist getting my shot, & the nurse just gave me a lecture on needing to come more often. Please shut up, lady; I wasn't that late, and I have bigger issues than this.

Apparently only the paint is damaged, not the fiberglass.

I think he may need driving lessons or new glasses. Or a chauffeur would work, too!

just ran across this pic of a baby afghan i made a few years back for a coworker. i really love the design and the pattern was so easy. i think i'm going to have to make one for myself!

I don't think I have ever been so glad to see the back of a day as I am to see the back of this one. Though I got through, the feeling of being left in the lurch is somewhat inescapable.

I know it isn't her fault, but she should be here, dammit. Three months until the next one. I hope she is back by then.

Me no understand...?

Sorry, i thought you deleted cuz of my post. Never mind!!

Which was,

Its 7.4 f'n degrees here. I love this dessert

In the TMI category, T1 told me today that he would probably need to reschedule my Fri am session because he is having a colonoscopy Friday afternoon and has to drink a bunch of, you know, that morning. I'm thinking I definitely want to reschedule.

Yeah, I think it would be best if you rescheduled that one...

I didn't delete nuffin!

Is that me? I am not aware i do this, if this is me. I have just start IFS really and still feel strange about it. I dont like calling my "parts" parts but i struggle to explain to my T what they are its easier to communicate with him like this and the fact that like you i dont quite know what i am. I hope i did not misunderstand your post.

Not at all. I find that IFS confuses things for me and my therapist is always having to unwind me when stuff like that comes up here. It's one reason I told her about pc. I have not even used the term parts in my own therapy for this reason, and neither has my therapist.

I tried to take up crochet, knitting and embroidery because i feel the urge to be creative but i am doomed to enjoy painting but being colourblind doesnt help. I can still hear my art teachers sarcastic comments because i did know i was colourblind then. Oh and cross stitch i enjoyed cross stitch better than the others.

More TMI, one of my Ts is having his tomorrow....he rescheduled his appts for today & tomorrow.

Is it T colonoscopy season??

omg therapy was INTENSE today. i don't even know what to make of it.

How does it come up that a therapist discloses their colonoscopy? I would not tell a therapist about mine (if I ever had one - which considering how I feel about western medicine is unlikely).

hey couchies. i am feeling really fed up with my weight right about now. this whole talking about flying to germany to visit my brother really got me thinking. flying is so uncomfortable at the size i am right now. this is one area that therapy has not helped with at all. weight loss. t hasn't been any help when i've brought it up in the past. i have lost weight before, like when i did nutrisystem for awhile, but it just got so expensive, and i was never able to learn anything from it to apply after i stopped buying their expensive food. I did ediets.com for awhile before the nutrisystem thing and that worked some too. until i stopped. and then i gained the weight back. i even did weight watchers for awhile a long time ago. none of these have taught me anything or helped me change my thinking. it's like, i've had to be so mindful of it, that it was all i could think about or talk about 24-7. i had to be all consumed by it or it didn't work. even worse than therapy as far as the all-consuming thing. how the hell does a fat person change everything about themself enough to become a not-fat person? i just kept hoping that therapy would help me love myself enough to want to do something about it but i never do. i think about it, i think i want to, i do ok for a couple days walking, eating decent, drinking water but then as soon as it's not the TOP thing in my head, boom i forget and i've eaten something i shouldn't. i hate it. it's gotten so bad that my hands are falling asleep at night again. i told h earlier how i was feeling and he said 'maybe you should try hypnosis.' he listens to dr laura on sirius radio and she was apparently talking about it recently. i don't know. i just know i have to do something. maybe this is the "this" that's been festering lately. maybe i'll look into hypnosis. i've always been curious about it. can't hurt i suppose. sorry for the wordiness and semi-rant against myself.

He said he needed to reschedule because he was having a procedure done. I find the word "procedure" alarming, so he told me what was happening. I doubt he told more to people unless they asked.

Art—those I know who have had long-term success at that change their habits a little bit at a time, just like in therapy. You don’t try to remake yourself all at once. It’s just too big a change for that.

Speaking of changes, I’ve been off caffeine a week now, no headaches since Friday, and sleeping much better (though my dreams have gotten more vivid). The only problem I have is when I’m doing things like writing lectures where I used to have a cup of coffee or a glass of soda at my side—I keep reaching for them and realize it’s just a cup of water.

I think since Katie Couric had one on live TV, people think colonoscopies are safe to announce to all and sundry now. Maybe therapists get a discount in January?

I've had success in the past using MyFitnessPal and weighing and logging everything I ate. But then everything got out of control with my relationship and I quit caring. I wish I had the motivation to eat right, but I just don't.

And I don't like the idea of eating something you shouldn't. If you want that slice of cheesecake, have it. Just plan around it so it fits within your calorie goals. And if you go over one day, eat a little less the next. If you deny yourself, it always seems to backfire.

That's a good point. I have changed little by little in therapy. And it seems like those changes are "sticking". i dunno. one thing, at least i don't feel overwhelmed by hopelessness over it. that's one thing that gradually happened with therapy. i don't like where i'm at right now, but i don't feel dark and hopeless about it. i feel like i want to DO something about it.

hmm.

good point.

and

I write down everything I eat, which is helpful. Not calories, just what it is/how much, like 1 lean cuisine, 2 yogurts, etc.

Argh, I am trying hard to drink more water and epically failing.
I have a list of things I am supposed to be working on (wear mouthguard at night, take vitamins every day, etc), but this water thing is the most difficult.