Couch 160: The Squeaky Clean Couch!

The person I have in mind isn't even taking new clients, so it's not at all about trying out someone new. I don't even know if she would have any openings for a consultation or even agree to it, tbh. At this point, I haven't talked to anyone about this. It's more about wondering...what are the risks? What are the benefits?

As i now have the benefit of hindsight, i am glad i took the advice of my consultants and stayed with my t and worked thru things. My previous reaction might have been to cut and run, so yes they normalized things for me? They were all better at long term relationships than i am too.

I have told Ts that I was seeing someone else, but in my case it was adding another T not just a consultation.

I think if I were doing a consultation, I wouldn't tell current T until after the appointment. Afterward, I might. I think that given your situation where you are basically wanting confirmation that your T is wrong, it might cause T to feel some anxiety or feel threatened. And that might, as another poster has said. change the dynamic with T for a while. I would not want to risk that.

I agree with ke—I don’t see what telling your therapist gets you. Do you just want to be honest? Do you want a reaction from her? If so, what reaction? Her blessing? For her to back off her viewpoint? Is it an attempt to show her how seriously you feel about the issue? Something else?

I disagree in general with the idea of being totally honest with the original therapist about seeking either a consultation with or seeing another therapist. Right now, Info doesn’t know about Piaf and vice versa and it will stay that way; CW didn’t know about Info and Info didn’t know about CW until I told her when I asked for her help with the situation with No. 3. (Her reaction was, “why didn’t you tell me?” and my response was that I needed to know she was a better fit for me than CW before dumping CW. She seemed to think that was reasonable. I don’t think it changed any dynamics.)

I don’t see that it’s any therapist’s business what the client does with other mental health professionals, unless for some reason coordination of care is needed. And maybe not even then: Info doesn’t even know who my current psychiatrist is (and seems okay with that). I see keeping them in the dark as protecting myself, but that may be due to unfortunate past experience.

In your case, the only time I might say something is after the consultation.

And, AY, Blondie continues to impress me with her...I don’t even know what to call it. She basically asked, “who else is going to put up with you?”?

Chutzpah, or moxie? Or plain and simple cheek? Not sure.

He hates me he hates me

I was trying to think of some word that included passive-aggressiveness, bourgeois mean-girl *****iness, and yes, cheek.

I’m sure the Germans have a word for it.

(This is all if you were responding to me.)

All what LOTT said +.......quintessential Blondie-ness?

It was around the same time that she said, I seemed to be expecting a dissertation on her faults -- she hasn't written one as yet but maybe she surmised that no one else would either (or at the very least, not pass the defense)?

I think the nuanced distinction you make between ordinary mean-girl *****iness vs bourgeois mean-girl *****iness is

If the Germans don’t already have a word for it, they should.

Not wanting confirmation that she's wrong. Confirmation that she is right. I just can't see it. I am questioning my own sanity at this point.

Thanks una. I am not clear what you're saying? Sorry. Just trying to understand. I know I haven't given many specifics so that makes it hard to reply in a way that applies to me. I apologize for that.

Thanks, but to be clear: I wasn't saying I wanted to tell or not tell her. I was just asking if anyone had done either and how it turned out.

oh my jaysus. i had a crazy nightmare last night that started off like a movie with harvey weinstein as this INSANE perpetrator, which somehow turned into roman polanski? I have noi clue what either of these dudes look like, but anyway. And drew barrymore was the victim in this horror film, which of course turned into me at some point.

ANYWAY, i woke up this morning in intense and insane amounts of pain from clenching my teeth so bad. i couldn't even keep my eyes open to focus on anything, everything hurt so bad. it took an hour to get out of bed to go take some aleve, and then i put my mouthguard in (which i hadn't had to use in a couple of months), and slept all day.

it took until 3pm for me to be able to sit up and have my eyes be able to look at a computer screen. if i don't move too much, it isn't so bad. i called out of work for tomorrwo because i knwo my jaw/face will still be swollen and talking all day to toddlers will not be pleasant.

i have had bad days before with jaw clneching, but this has been by far the worst.

Okay, I am sorry for being so obtuse about this, but I have a lot of shame over it. I've been in treatment for DID for some time. I questioned it off and on, but found a lot of improvement through a therapy framework that's geared for DID.

Recently, I just kind of woke up and don't think I have that at all. My therapist said she doesn't think she would be a good choice for me if I want to proceed without the kind of therapy I have been doing because she says that in the past, I would spiral whenever this has come up. The way we left it last week is that we are continuing on the way I want to do it.

The part that she says is normal, or typical, is for this kind of questioning to take place. I guess I am wondering if hearing that from another therapist will help me understand what's going on and if this is normal or a red flag that we are off course.

i think it makes complete sense to get another consultation. if it were me, i'd probably not tell my T until after if i felt like I wanted to. I might never tell her, who knows.

I would not tell mine. There is so much they refuse to tell us.

I don't know anything about DID and so, this may be completely off-base but here are some general ways I'd think about something like this --

1. You've seen improvement from using a DID sort of framework (am assuming it's with this T) -- is there a reason you now believe that improvement is not only going to fade away but that you're actually going to be harmed by using it?

If not, is it that you believe there's some other way of looking at your issue that would be more useful and your therapist's refusal to do it is well, to put it crudely, costing you $$$ in wasted sessions?

Because, if the framework is still helping but it's just not sitting right with you at an emotional level -- to come to terms with it, kinda thing -- that's a pretty different problem from one where you believe you're being actively harmed by it or at the very least, spending $$$ without seeing any value?

2. I may be seriously off-base about this but I still stand by what I said earlier -- you don't need a consultation about your therapist as much as you need someone trained in DID to help you figure out if you're looking at it the right way or not?

I would sit down with your therapist and make a clinical list of issues that has her believing that it's the right framework to use for you still and you also make a list as to why it isn't. And, I'd take that and go see another professional -- I totally understand that the diagnosis will be far from cut and dry and quick but I wonder if you won't benefit from just having a third perspective look at the clinical presentation itself?

(((jDNA)))

I'm sorry you're feeling like he hates you right now. Did something happen?

I asked for an extra session on a voicemail on Thursday and it's been radio silence since

Hugs to those who need them.

I am getting ready to sort this car thing out. I dont know who to ring first my mechanic who has the car and might be a warranty approved mechanic, the warranty people who might want the car towed somewhere else or the dealership that i bought it from. I was thinking of ringing the warranty people then they can say whether my mechanic is affiliated with them or if it needs a tow, then deal with the dealership and at least register a complaint. I am so not good a making descisions and being assertive. I wish i could put my work persona on again as i was quite confident in my job.

My life is lonely pathetic pain. I don't want any more

Is it possible he didnt get your voicemail. I know over here voicemails frequently get lost in the network.

It sucks when you reach out and no one reaches back. Is it possible he didn't get the voicemail or he's out of town or something?

Yeah it's possible but it's not the case he is ignoring me and doesn't give a flying fuk if I'm sitting here with a razor or not

When is your next session?

From what you've said about him on here, it seems like he cares for you a great deal.