Couch 160: The Squeaky Clean Couch!

this is not true, nor has it ever been. can you try and recall other times where you were convinced he hated you, and once you re-connected again, you realized he didn't?

Good luck with it. I think trying to put on the work persona to deal with those companies might be a good idea.

Yeah he used to care but not anymore I've used him up and burned him out with my toxic personality. He's phasing me out of his practice .it hurts a lot. I can't stop thinking about it. 4 days now I've been obsessing .Its too hard...therapy has hurt me once again. I should have learned before. I'm allergic to it. I can't keep going to him. I need to get away. It's tearing me up. I wish I had never met him ...

I rang my mechanic who said to hold off on the warranty claim til they find out what it is and ring the dealership to see what they would do about it as its only been a month since i bought it.

JD - how do you know he's phasing you out? Is it because of this missed voicemail? He still invites you to game night right? That sounds like someone who wants you around. I wouldn't assume he's phasing you out unless he actually comes out and says it.
Burn out is possible (he has a baby right?) and that could lead to things like missing messages he should have got. But that's not your fault. And it's his responsibility to manage. If a therapist was burned out due to a client's 'toxic personality' I would be thinking "wow what a **** therapist. Has he never heard of do no harm?" But I don't get the impression your T is ****. I think he might have a lot going on, but if he's as good as he's always seemed he will get a handle on it and continue to work with you. That's what has happened before I think. Hang in there. I'm sorry it's all so painful for you.

jDNA, Does he need to reply to every request in order to care? That's almost like holding someone emotionally hostage. I would look at the long span of support that shows he cares and is committed to you, rather than the most recent failing to hop to when you're distressed. I think you can work this out. Hang in there.

Why do you think he's phasing you out of his practice? Has he said something to you? Sometimes when I'm hurting over something, my brain goes into overdrive to come up with any reason it can that it's my fault this is happening. Try to not listen to it. When do you see him next?

I have just learned the hard way that you shouldn’t in a moment of idle curiosity Google your most recent ex-husband.

I may see Info this week after all.

I cant find anything about mine. Its like theyve never existed. If only.

It’s so strange. I should be relieved—he has a job, he seems to have finally made a career change he’s been thinking about for years, and most important he’s thousands of miles away. So I don’t have to feel guilty. He can stand on his own two feet (despite his frequent protests to the contrary).

Instead I just feel flashback-y, and I keep wondering, why do other people not get to see the him that I saw? Why was I the only one allowed to see the rage, the hatred, the cruelty, the violence, the mental issues? How does he hide so well?

If that makes any sense.

I wish i could stop going into warrior mode when i deal with people that i feel are going to be unreasonable. The dealership was quite level and businesslike. I thought i was going to get into a **** fight but it was all calmness, maybe thats to put me offf maybe i should still bee warrior mode

It makes perfect sense. One of my fears is that my husband is going to come out of prison a changed person, get a job and a new partner and treat her like a human being and if that happens then it means that everything he did to me was really my fault after all.

I dont think these people ever change they just find another skin and fool somebody else. For some reason it didnt multiquote @@ this is for you as well.

You learned from your kitties! Get that ruff up and look scary, and people back down!

I can tell you as someone who grew up with one overtly (and another covertly) abusive parent who can be charming as heck to other folks -- and has been for years on end even to supposedly close friends -- that the difference in behavior is not something that can be logically figured out and it's definitely not your fault.

I used to think I was out of my mind as well when I'd hear (vociferous defense and total denial of my reality) from other folks on what they saw until a few years ago, I met with some family friends -- we'd known this family pretty much growing up and my assumption had been that they were super boringly normal (nothing like the craziness in mine). The father had just died and I found out that neither of the kids had wanted to visit him in the hospital during the last days -- it turned out that he'd been abusive as heck and the kids could do little else but breathe a sigh of relief for when it'll all finally end.

It's incredible but I could've sworn (and I pride myself on being able to read the signs) that there was absolutely nothing wrong in their family and the father was a rather sweet, charming man -- heck, I used to hang out and chat with him all the time and thought he was super mild-mannered.

So yeah, all I can say is that it's crazy-making but one of the most useful things I guess I've gotten out of therapy is that a) Personality disorders are a real thing and b) Figuring out the answer to the question why can make one truly nuts.

Does anyyone else envision the worst in the hope that you you will surprised that things arent as bad as you imagined and you are prepared for the worst if it happens. Its terribly exhausting and i wonder why i put myself through it

I have 2 litter trays for my 2 kittens and have discovered that thye mainly poo in one and pee inthe other? Does anyone elses cats do that?

mine don't, but that doesn't surprise me.

I used to do that constantly and about almost everything. I used to not understand how anyone else could do anything else. As in, how in the world would they be prepared to handle the worst if it happened if they hadn't already prepared for it in advance?

I've gotten a lot better about it in the past 6 years of therapy but I still do it more often than I'd like.

All 3 of mine do that! 2 of them are brothers, I guess the kitten (well she's not a kitten anymore but you know what I mean) learned from them....

i'm having a Melissa afternoon. I wish I could sing like her. I so love her music!

Ah. Well in my experience (FWIW) as a person diagnosed with DID, it is definitely part of the process to simply not believe that I actually have DID. I mean, c'mon, it's like in the movies, right? And then there are so many people who don't believe it is a valid diagnosis at all. And I could go on.

Now that I think I understand your question a little better, it seems like it would be fine to have a conversation with current T and ask what she thinks about doing a consultation. My only reservation would be that I doubt that a T who doesn't know you would be able to confirm a diagnosis of DID in just an hour. The Ts I have seen have been willing to use that as a working diagnosis until they see it for themselves, which has taken a while.

If you feel like the treatment you have been doing has been helpful, then would it be possible to ignore the fact that it is for DID and just think of it as helpful for whatever it is that ails you?

Do you believe that your T is right that you have spiraled downward without the current treatment?

It's a coping mechanism that works for some people.

The dealership rang and said they were going to look at my car with their mechanic

BCM, I hope they do the right thing and repair it.