My T often tells me i'm very independent and its okay to be vulnerable. However, I think any attempt to let her in more would be dependency. I mean, I'd love to just call when im in pain or lonley, but thats not what she means right???? .... Or maybe ask for a hug, but I did that and I don't think she gives them. So when im in session or out.. how do i let her support me? I truly don't understand how to be vulnerable. :-(

[SeptemberMorn]

Maybe you need to ask her what she means by "vulnerable"? Also, ask her what to look for in her as far as support, other than her listening to you and helping you heal. Ask her to name some things that would be "nurturing" in her estimation.

When I was in therapy, I didn't recognize healthy ways of demonstrating these emotions. I had to learn from her.

[sunrise]

esthersvirtue, that is such a great question and one I haven't seen asked here before.

Here are a few ideas on how to be vulnerable with one's T:
--don't push your T away. When you say something revealing bout yourself and how you have been hurt or say something that indicates how much you care about your T, don't immediately recant it by trying to minimize it or make light of it. Just allow yourself to feel and sit with that and don't push the feeling away or deny it.
--do allow yourself to share your feelings with your T, even really painful ones, and not just have all your talk be on an intellectual level
--allow yourself to be close to your T and to grow closer
--share your hopes, fears, triumphs, and disappointments with your T
--be willing to dive beneath the surface and allow your T to accompany you on your journey
--trust your T to hold your pain and know how to help you heal

I hope some of that makes sense! I agree that it could be helpful to ask your T for ideas on how to be vulnerable. Take care.

[jacq10]

Maybe writing to her? Can you send her emails? I use to either do that, or i would send a part from my journal to her when i knew that it would be especially hard to express how i was feeling in our sessions.

I also really agree with everything Sunrise mentioned above... try and let her in, and don't be afraid to show your vulnerabilities... she's there to help.

hugs
Jacq

[Perna]

I had that trouble too esthersvirtue. The answer for me was in telling her things and saying things when I wasn't sure what her response would be. Instead of "deciding"/making plans in advance, to just go along and not know what will happen, learning that I could depend on (her) those around me to help with whatever situation came up, I could ask questions and they'd answer, etc. I could "not know" and it wouldn't destroy me.

I had a big breakthrough when I was going to be late to a session and I'm fretting and worrying, etc. as I'm driving there and then I called her to tell her I might be late (and then everyone would know and I wouldn't have to worry about it) and I hadn't realized that that would "help" her too, that she might be wondering where I was and if I was okay/coming, etc. if I were to be late without telling her.