Reservations

I am well aware I need psychiatric help and am probably a play ground of mental diseases. However I have just allowed myself to feel emotions let alone share them in a way I might even be understood. I am looking for a guidance that we will both mature from. I am in need of help but with how much is at stake I can not blindly hope that my life is not in incompetent counseling. This is going to be the most arduous and telling lesson of my life. I am fearful most of what I might find fuels me in the end.

Hi Grasping,

And welcome on PC!
I understand being scared of counseling itself and what the findings could do to you.
I've been in therapy for 2 years so far and I'm still really scared of things that hide inside my head, scared to touch them, talk about them.

Maybe keep in mind that You don't have to tell them (therapists, counselor, whomever) everything from the beginning, you can take it as slowly as you need and see if the person opposite of you is trustworthy enough. That's completely okay.

I hope you can find competent counseling with someone you can trust & feel safe exploring stuff with.