My T does private therapy and therapy through the public health system.

I know that his private clients can email him but it's different through going public.

Basically no outside contact and I am really feeling it tonight. Though he did txt a smiley face after he got a letter a week ago but that was after I had cancelled appointments so he was relieved to get the letter I think.

Usually I drop off letters between sessions to help me cope and it does relieve some anxiety but this time I am feeling ignored. It is a really really bad day and I need something from him. Just a moment to say something encouraging. A sad face or happy face. Im kind of desperate for the smallest acknowledgment.

But its the public health system. So basically, its not really possible.

Could you ask for his public health work email?

I see my T in an outpatient clinic of a public health hospital in my country (she's pure public health), and she is given a work email. She hasn't given me the email though, but she has mentioned that some clients have emailed her.

I actually am too scared to ask.

I have said that I am not coping and hinted at needing more. Like even a txt just to say hang in there... but no. I guess he thinks its better to wait until we see each other.

Im going to tell him that I wont be dropping of letters anymore. I was so triggered by feeling ignored tonight, its too hard. This is the first time dropping off a letter has made me feel terrible. Usually being able to get out my feelings relieves anxiety but sometimes I think its too much just getting nothing back when you need it.

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

I actually am too scared to ask.

I have said that I am not coping and hinted at needing more. Like even a txt just to say hang there... but no.

I encourage you to try to ask directly. You don't have to do so right away, or at all, but I hope you'll eventually feel secure enough with your T to be able to ask.

Maybe hand T a note? I know it's scary.

Asking directly is vulnerable, yet can also pay off because it's much more clear to T. Even though we might really prefer they offer.

My T has offered rare phone check ins ("you can ask the clinic to ask me to call you") but I never knew when I could call until I asked her directly and talked with her about what I wanted in order to cope better.

T also has given me two transitional objects because I asked for them. If I hadn't asked, she might not have ever understood my hints.

I know sometimes we do really want T to offer because it feels "needy" to ask (and often we've been shamed to think of it as shameful), and maybe you worry like I do that T doesn't really want to do it, or T would offer.

My T often likes to tell me not to assume things. Example, for a very long time, I assumed I could not ask her for a transitional object because my ex T who was my first T refused when I did ask. And it turns out that if I'd asked... I could have had a transitional object way earlier.

And yes I did ask her a few times also if she really was OK offering phone check-ins sometimes, if she was really really OK with giving me both transitional objects.

Of course I was scared to ask out of fear of rejection. So I didn't ask for a long time. Until eventually my desire to maintain the connection via a transitional object outweighed my fear of rejection.

Take your time to write that note or how you might phrase that ask. Wishing you luck!

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

Im going to tell him that I wont be dropping of letters anymore. I was so triggered by feeling ignored tonight, its too hard. This is the first time dropping off a letter has made me feel terrible. Usually being able to get out my feelings relieves anxiety but sometimes I think its too much just getting nothing back when you need it.

Hugs. I'm sorry you're in such pain. I give my T letters too and once I thought she said I couldn't write anymore and I was so hurt.

(For me I just need to know she eventually reads them, and I don't need a response from her)

I would probably have to sign my letter with blood for him to notice I need something back...

usually I am like that too. I dont need a response but suddenly I feel like this time I do.

And what hurts most is that just an emoticon would mean a lot. Sometimes I just need a smile.

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Hugs. I'm sorry you're in such pain. I give my T letters too and once I thought she said I couldn't write anymore and I was so hurt.

(For me I just need to know she eventually reads them, and I don't need a response from her)

Do you mean you misunderstood her and you could still write?

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

Do you mean you misunderstood her and you could still write?

Yeah, I misunderstood her. She said I should try to put what I write into words in session. That I should try to talk more rather than give her letters. I thought she meant I couldn't write anymore and was very very upset.

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

usually I am like that too. I dont need a response but suddenly I feel like this time I do.

And what hurts most is that just an emoticon would mean a lot. Sometimes I just need a smile.

Hugs. I hear you. It's hard. My T doesn't respond because she wants to "keep things in the room".

Yeah...I hear you on how even a emoticon would mean much...some acknowledgement that T reads, that T holds you in mind.

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Yeah, I misunderstood her. She said I should try to put what I write into words in session. That I should try to talk more rather than give her letters. I thought she meant I couldn't write anymore and was very very upset.

oh, I can understand why she would do that... helping you find your voice... but it would have really hurt to think she meant no more letters. To me, there is something special about letters.

Originally Posted by Coming up tails

oh, I can understand why she would do that... helping you find your voice... but it would have really hurt to think she meant no more letters. To me, there is something special about letters.

Yeah, I understood eventually that she wants to help me to find my voice, however at that time I thought she found my letters annoying because they indeed are extra work for her.

The letters are, to me, efforts on my part to be vulnerable and open to her...like slowly baring my heart despite fear, mistrust, trauma. So it felt like she rejected my vulnerability.

[Hazelgreen]

I don’t understand why it makes a difference whether you are public or private. If you are public do you need less? Are you less important? This makes me very upset. A t should go into this work caring about all people that they see no matter if they pay or not.

No, its not about the therapist but about the limitations of the health system itself.

For example, one time he did chase me up by phone call. He left two msgs but they are only suppose to leave one. Its very controlled obviously...