[Jo1994]

I have a counselling appointment tomorrow and I want to tell her that I think I'm developing an unhealthy attachment to her. I'm scared she will want to terminate. I gave her a necklace as a Christmas gift last week and I don't want her to think I did that because I wanted something from her. Has anyone talked to their therapist about their attachment? How did it go? any advice?

[DP_2017]

Yes its very common, many of us have it, T's are used to it. its scary to bring up but usually goes well, they wont terminate you just for feeling attached, unless it becomes too a very unhealthy level or interferes too much in therapy.

i am surprised she accepts the gift, many T's do not, knowing that in itself, i think this convo will be ok. good luck

[mostlylurking]

I've talked about this a little bit with my T, not one big conversation but little things I've said over time. You could start small by expressing one thought or sentiment you've had, if it feels intimidating to have a deeper discussion right now.

Why do you feel the attachment is unhealthy? Is that a feeling you have from within you, or is it an idea you have from things you've heard, read, or seen on TV with regards to therapy?

Just wondered, because attachment in therapy is quite common, but it is distressing to some clients.

[Jo1994]

Just think about her all the time and wish she could give me more attention and love then she should.

I have brought it up with mine many many many many times. Mostly because when I start to feel any attachment, I freak out and pull away. Attachment feels dangerous for me. That being said, I have felt the same way as you. I think about her often and wish that she could be someone more in my life.

Bring it up, talk to her about it. T's are used to it and, if she has been practicing for very long at all she should know how to handle things.

Good luck!

[kecanoe]

I have talked about it a lot with T1. He thinks it is fine. He tries to accommodate where he can. He has never even suggested that I terminate. I understand the fear; it took me a long time to actually say anything about it, but he already knew.

I hope it goes well.

[Jo1994]

Originally Posted by besidemyselvez

I have brought it up with mine many many many many times. Mostly because when I start to feel any attachment, I freak out and pull away. Attachment feels dangerous for me. That being said, I have felt the same way as you. I think about her often and wish that she could be someone more in my life.

Bring it up, talk to her about it. T's are used to it and, if she has been practicing for very long at all she should know how to handle things.

Good luck!

Thank you, how do you bring it up to your T?

[Elio]

We talk about it at some level at every session. Sometimes it is just in our closing routine, other times it can be the entire session. My T is open to exploring these feelings as they ebb and flow through my process/journey.

Originally Posted by Jo1994

Thank you, how do you bring it up to your T?

I brought it up as something I was concerned about. I told her that I was well aware of the thereaputic boundaries thing and that I was wary of becoming too attached to her. I told her that I was already uncomfortable with how attached i was and that it felt like a bad thing. She turned around and normalized it, telling me that attachment didn't have to be a bad thing. She didn't think that what I was feeling was unhealthy but if it got to that point, we would discuss it.

So far that hasn't happened but the topic has come up a couple dozen times since then because I keep causing ruptures and all roads seem to lead back to my fearful-avoidant attachment style. Yaaaay. :P

[Jo1994]

Thank you, I wrote her letter and she read it. she doesn't think my attachment is unhealthy but i do, she was really sensitive about it which was so nice. She asked if she could hug me (she hugs most of her clients) She said maybe i'm at tactually scared of being dependant and attached to her. and i said attachment is painful no matter what. It was a good conversation, she says she became really attached to one of her counsellors as well. I wish i asked how she handled it and how she recognized if it was healthy

[Moment]

I'm glad your counselor had such a good response, Jo1994. This really is very, very common. And it points to an issue in your life outside therapy--you likely feel a need for more attention and love and recognizing that is a step towards getting that fulfilled in real life. Also, if attachment is scary/threatening/painful for you, having those feelings towards someone who is understanding and professional and upholds appropriate boundaries can be a good step towards feeling more healthy about attachment to other people in general. If you have been disappointed/betrayed in other important relationships, having a relationship with a counselor that takes a different path can be very healing. I used to think of my therapist much, much more than I do now, and became a bit preoccupied and obsessive about him. Those feelings have resolved and while I still do feel fond caring for him, it's nothing like it was before, so these feelings you have can evolve. You ask if I have any advice and all I'd say is that people can sometimes go from an idealizing feeling to an angry, disappointed feeling, and if that happens maybe stop and examine it and see if it might signal something going on inside you. Personally, I have been surprised at how evocative therapy can be in terms of feelings for the therapist repeating feelings I have had towards other important people in my life.

[Jo1994]

[QUOTE=Moment;5982876]

Thank you for the kind words and wisdom. Just knowing she is not 'abandoning me' yet feels good. I'm really glad I shared that with her. I'feeling less worried and obsessed now that it's out in the air. I feel like it will make things more clear again and relaxed.

[Sarmas]

I think most therapists understand becaus wits so common. Mine just told me to find someone like her in the world. So telling really did nothing for me other than set me straight and remind me that she’s just my therapist.

Originally Posted by Jo1994

Thank you for the kind words and wisdom. Just knowing she is not 'abandoning me' yet feels good. I'm really glad I shared that with her. I'feeling less worried and obsessed now that it's out in the air. I feel like it will make things more clear again and relaxed.

I'm glad you were able to bring it up and recieved a positive response!

[Jo1994]

She said it's hard because she has ethical guidelines but that she does think of me which makes it difficult to not get hopeful but ill work through it.