[justbreathe1994]

Guys, I’m a wreck. And I can honestly understand if you guys all judge me for this, but I’ve been struggling with a certain behavior and I feel so so ashamed about it. Like I honestly hate myself for this, and yet I can’t get myself to stop. I feel nautious all the time for how guilty I feel but the behavior has become addictive. I don’t know what to do because I’m afraid if I tell T, she will get freaked out and abandon me. At the same time, my behavior is triggering the hell out of me on top of being wrong. I am not sure if I technically fall into the category of “stalker”, because I can still control it somewhat. I just have these compulsions that happens every so often where I wait for someone where I know they will be just to catch a glimpse of them and maybe find out more information about them. I want to clarify that I’m not doing this towards my T, someone else. It definitely does not feel like I’m dangerous or anything like that, I just can’t stop the obsession with doing this behavior. It’s been happening for awhile and has not turned into anything more, but I’m terribly afraid my T will be freaked out by it, especially if she knew who the person was. Any advice?

[guilloche]

If it's causing you this much stress and anxiety, I think you should talk to your T. Maybe they can help you... either help you re-frame it, or help you find other things to do, so you can stop the behavior that's making you feel bad?

I hope you can find a way to talk with your T... and hope that they can react appropriately and be a help.

Can you take a break from the behavior, for now? Like... find something else that will get your attention and act as a distraction, so you can give yourself a little room to breathe?

[SummerTime12]

I think you should definitely tell your therapist as it seems to be bothering you a lot. Also, I’d say it’s a good sign that you’re worrying about this behavior rather than simply enjoying and going along with it. To me that says that your intentions are in the right place. As you said, you’re not a danger, so try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s good that you’re aware that if this escalated it could get bad. Getting help and telling your T is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

[malika138]

Remember that Ts are trained to be supportive and nonjudgmental. You wouldn't necessarily need to disclose who is the object of this behavior. I hope you're able to trust your T on this one.

I agree, you don’t have to tell your t that she is the object of your obsession or maybe we could use a word less shameful that fits what you feel this is better.
I think it takes a lot of courage to address this behaviour as many of us do it without disclosing we do it.

[NP_Complete]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I agree, you don’t have to tell your t that she is the object of your obsession or maybe we could use a word less shameful that fits what you feel this is better.
I think it takes a lot of courage to address this behaviour as many of us do it without disclosing we do it.

I think OP said it wasn't their T who was the object.

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I think OP said it wasn't their T who was the object.

So they did, apologies justbreathe

[justbreathe1994]

Thanks everyone, the encouragement to tell my T has been helpful and I’m now going back and forth about whether to tell her in our session in a few days. While I don’t need to tell her who the person is exactly, that’s kind of big reason I’m so triggered by it - it’s the specific person who is very triggering to me, so I don’t know how much relieve I would feel if I told my T about the behavior and not about the person. Maybe some of the shame would go away, but I think I would still be very triggered. I was wondering if anyone would be willing to give me advice over PM? I scared of saying any more about the relationship on a public forum.

[SalingerEsme]

A book just came out written by a T who did stalk someone. I wish I could recall the title. It might have been called Unrequited. I think if you talk to your T about it do not give the name of the person. I dont know how quick T's are to worry about safety of the other person, or how deep and trusting the relationship between you and your T might be. I taught at a school in which one student followed another and could not stop. What I learned about that is it is addictive like any other substance, and usually a stay or prevention device from feeling or looking at inner hurts. It is like something that keeps all your attention focused fervently outside yourself, and becomes almost OCD and almost like a pacifier. do you feel anxious when you are not doing it? I feel for this, and I hope your T comforts you and is trustworthy.

[AllHeart]

What about telling her you have this compulsion towards a certain person (keep it as simple as you do in your original post here) and ask if she has any suggestions on how to help you stop the behavior?

[Fernwehxx]

It sounds a bit like something I used to do. Well, at least the research on aomeone and then "accidentally" meeting them. Do you have an idea what that person means to you and why you're so obsessed with that person? In the past, I never knew and thought I was just weird and sick. Now, that has changed since i know more about it. Im not sure how similar this is to yours, but if you want to, you can pm me.

I myself tell my T all the real hard stuff because I am at a point where I need to give my all in therapy necause its pretty much my last straw. I hope you can confide in your T and get the support you need.

[justbreathe1994]

Originally Posted by Fernwehxx

It sounds a bit like something I used to do. Well, at least the research on aomeone and then "accidentally" meeting them. Do you have an idea what that person means to you and why you're so obsessed with that person? In the past, I never knew and thought I was just weird and sick. Now, that has changed since i know more about it. Im not sure how similar this is to yours, but if you want to, you can pm me.

I myself tell my T all the real hard stuff because I am at a point where I need to give my all in therapy necause its pretty much my last straw. I hope you can confide in your T and get the support you need.

Hi Fern, I just sent you a PM.

Thank you