[hopealwayz]

I don’t really want to get into the details but I’m hurt after the email T wrote
me this morning.

I wrote him back and told him that I was quitting.

I said that I wanted my appointments canceled.

[toomanycats]

Well that's awful sudden. You said you really liked working with this T. I'm sorry you are feeling hurt. It might be helpful to discuss it with him rather than flee.

[stopdog]

I think quitting can be empowering.

[doogie]

Can you think of the big picture and not this one event? Sometimes I upset at something my T does in the moment, but then I think about all the good things my T has done and I realize the one thing that made me upset in the moment does cancel out all the good things my T has done. Sometimes it's hard, but when I do this it prevents me from throwing away our relationship. I hope this helps.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I don’t really want to get into the details but I’m hurt after the email T wrote
me this morning.

I wrote him back and told him that I was quitting.

I said that I wanted my appointments canceled.

Is it possible you misunderstood something in his e-mail? It's hard to tell tone in an e-mail. Would you consider having one session with him to discuss it? You were just saying you really trusted him, so I'd hate for one misunderstanding to mess that all up--it can be helpful to work through T misunderstandings (depending on what they are) and actually build trust.

I find therapy is full of those moments. Until they get talked about.

[musinglizzy]

It 's hard to respond when we don't know any details.... can you share pieces of the Email that bothered you? Please think this through, even sleep on it. Try not to respond (or respond anymore). Let yourself calm down and really think. You were just talking about how much you like this T. Don't give up on him yet!!!!!! Please!!

[Out There]

Is his reply to sending the email you talked about in your other thread ? This had something big in it ? Your feelings are natural to putting something out there , it's scary. Then we'll be supersensitive to how that will be received and responded to ( which comes from what's happened in our pasts ). If I had done this , my T might reply " Thank you for your email / letting me know , we'll talk about this in session " , but I might experience this as painful or rejecting due to my past. But do you see it isn't really ? It's feelings and ghosts / trauma from the past , and it makes us want to withdraw or run away from it. This HAS happened to me , and I've gone back two times with both my T's and we're still going. You seem to like this T , maybe go to your next session and give it a go ? Hang in there Hope !

[AllHeart]

Sorry that happened. I know you have had a lot of positive things to say about this t so I wonder if it's worth giving him the opportunity to explain himself before quitting. If what he said was unforgivable, I'm sorry it had to end this way.

[nottrustin]

You said you trust him, why not trust him enough to have at least one more Pointment to discuss It? Maybe you misunderstood wht he was saying. Then if you still feel like quitting then t lest you know you tried.

[Amyjay]

Hope it sounds like you feel hurt and vulnerable and really need to protect yourself right now. Quitting is a good way to help yourself feel safe again. Ts response hurt you so quitting is a way of making sure - right now in this moment - that T doesn't hurt you again. Sending that email to quit is a tool to help you self-regulate. Being exposed by sharing your email with him and getting a reply that wasn't the reply that you needed must feel so raw and exposed and open to attack. It makes total sense that you need to immediately pull back and protect you.
What else can you do that will help you feel calmer and safer?

[SilentMelodee]

Hope, can you elaborate a little? It's a little disturbing (worrying) for you to create a post like this, then not follow through with it. I wish you well, but my guess is your therapist meant you no harm. I've had Emails from my T too that really ticked me off, but once we talked about it and I got the context of where she was coming from, it was ok.

[DP_2017]

One thing I've learned in therapy, do not judge by emails. It is horrible communication with many misunderstandings at times.... I've had my share of emails that felt hurtful but I always talked them out and everything was ok

If you are serious about quitting, maybe consider a female T if you go back, It might be easier for you to not attach etc and get some work done... either way, good luck

[hopealwayz]

We are trying to talk through it. I’m still hurt but I’m listening to him explain.

[Out There]

Good for you Hope - keep going with this , it's very important work in therapy and it's healing.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

We are trying to talk through it. I’m still hurt but I’m listening to him explain.

Good, I'm glad you're trying to work through it. I hope you can work it out.

[tecomsin]

Keep talking and work through the difficulty. A single email can easily be misunderstood and you had a lot riding on that communication.

[nottrustin]

Glad to hear you are talking through it.

[Seaman]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I don’t really want to get into the details but I’m hurt after the email T wrote
me this morning.

I wrote him back and told him that I was quitting.

I said that I wanted my appointments canceled.

I wrote my therapists some emails ... she said I was harassing her which is in violation of the law ... and sent four police officers (guns drawn) knocking and yelling at my door to open up (we know your're in there). I never opened my door ... they need a warrant.

If it upset you that much ... you have the email proof ... send the police to the therapists door. What goes around comes around.

Originally Posted by Seaman

I wrote my therapists some emails ... she said I was harassing her which is in violation of the law ... and sent four police officers (guns drawn) knocking and yelling at my door to open up (we know your're in there). I never opened my door ... they need a warrant.

If it upset you that much ... you have the email proof ... send the police to the therapists door. What goes around comes around.

To put this experience and suggestion into context for Hope (who is clearly having a tough time with things and might appreciate clarity and realism); this would be an extremely unusual scenario and probably has more background than is revealed in the post. Reporting a therapist to the police is not a reasonable way to resolve conflict and misunderstanding.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Seaman

I wrote my therapists some emails ... she said I was harassing her which is in violation of the law ... and sent four police officers (guns drawn) knocking and yelling at my door to open up (we know your're in there). I never opened my door ... they need a warrant.

If it upset you that much ... you have the email proof ... send the police to the therapists door. What goes around comes around.

Therapist called police on you because she felt your emails were a harassment (she likely felt threatened), hopealways has no reason to call police as she never says her therapist did anything that could be called “harassment”. Calling police on people for no reason isn’t a good idea.

[Salmon77]

Seaman, it sounds like your situation is very different from the OP's and whatever happened there, it doesn't apply here.

We don't know exactly what was in the email OP received, but there's no indication that it was anything threatening so, assuming that's the case, it wouldn't make any sense for her to call the police about it.

Hopealwayz, I'm glad to hear that you are trying to work things out with this T.

[hopealwayz]

This was the email:

It’s more a question of boundaries. People can change their minds and others have to adjust and give space. My guess is with S and other therapists and other psychiatrists and other people the issue of discomfort for them has been boundaries. Calling or texting or emailing or contacting them either between appointments or way, way more than usual patients. When they pull away you get worried and press even harder; then they pull totally away because they’re either scared or annoyed.

I’m fine, but we need to work on this-

I got upset and wrote him back and that’s when I told him that I was quitting. He obviously hasn’t listened to why I left my last few therapists.

My original PDOC and I ended up falling apart because of my transference and feelings for him. My T from earlier last year couldn’t treat me because he didn’t have enough experience. I left my last regular PDOC due to a disagreement over a medication change.

The other Ts and psychiatrists that I’ve been to haven’t really impressed me.

T said he was fine and that I can continue to email him but now I feel like a burden. Why does he keep insisting my emails are not a problem and then send me an email like that?

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

This was the email:

It’s more a question of boundaries. People can change their minds and others have to adjust and give space. My guess is with S and other therapists and other psychiatrists and other people the issue of discomfort for them has been boundaries. Calling or texting or emailing or contacting them either between appointments or way, way more than usual patients. When they pull away you get worried and press even harder; then they pull totally away because they’re either scared or annoyed.

I’m fine, but we need to work on this-

I got upset and wrote him back and that’s when I told him that I was quitting. He obviously hasn’t listened to why I left my last few therapists.

My original PDOC and I ended up falling apart because of my transference and feelings for him. My T from earlier last year couldn’t treat me because he didn’t have enough experience. I left my last regular PDOC due to a disagreement over a medication change.

The other Ts and psychiatrists that I’ve been to haven’t really impressed me.

T said he was fine and that I can continue to email him but now I feel like a burden. Why does he keep insisting my emails are not a problem and then send me an email like that?

I think he is saying to try and create some boundaries for yourself so you don't become too dependent, don't email a ton etc... maybe limit yourself to 2 max a week. Boundaries are something ALL of us deal with in therapy, therapists are allowed to create what makes them comfortable and ask us to follow that.

He may have also been referring to why he suspected previous T's were upset or whatever, they thought it was too much but didn't say anything. If you want to quit over this, that is your choice but if you want to keep at it, just limit yourself on outside contact, it may be hard but it is important to do. Remember it's not a personal reflection on you, ALL his clients have the same boundaries.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

This was the email:

It’s more a question of boundaries. People can change their minds and others have to adjust and give space. My guess is with S and other therapists and other psychiatrists and other people the issue of discomfort for them has been boundaries. Calling or texting or emailing or contacting them either between appointments or way, way more than usual patients. When they pull away you get worried and press even harder; then they pull totally away because they’re either scared or annoyed.

I’m fine, but we need to work on this-

I got upset and wrote him back and that’s when I told him that I was quitting. He obviously hasn’t listened to why I left my last few therapists.

My original PDOC and I ended up falling apart because of my transference and feelings for him. My T from earlier last year couldn’t treat me because he didn’t have enough experience. I left my last regular PDOC due to a disagreement over a medication change.

The other Ts and psychiatrists that I’ve been to haven’t really impressed me.

T said he was fine and that I can continue to email him but now I feel like a burden. Why does he keep insisting my emails are not a problem and then send me an email like that?

This sounds like he's more trying to explain what happened in your other experiences, rather than what's going on with him now. I imagine he's going to want to try to work with you to figure out why you've done so much contact with other T's in the past and what you could do so you don't feel that need. However, I think it's something he should have brought up in session, not sent you in an e-mail.

Note that I was recently told by my marriage counselor that I need to reduce outside contact--and that was extremely painful for me--so I get how difficult talking about boundaries is. I think your T wants to help you here, not push you away.