[growlycat]

Have you ever had a glimpse of what your t’s personality might be like in real life vs in session?

For example my t lately seems like his personal life isn’t going so well. His “real” personality seems more manicky- cracking jokes constantly- and way more distractsble. I have confidence in his abilities as a t but wondering if I knew him as a person he would be a hot mess.

Have you ever seen the man or woman behind the curtain even for a moment? What did you notice? What was it like?

[stopdog]

I don't think the ones I have seen are the same in real life as they present themselves as therapists.

[unaluna]

Impatient, brusque.

Probably doesnt sit there and ask, "what are you thinking?" like i used to do to my exes, like he does now, which btw is starting to bug me.

[captgut]

I'm trying to see J (T's short name) behind the doctor EI (T's full name). I'm really curious what kind of person he is in real life.

I think he's really comfortable with me and shows quite a lot of his "real personality". Sometimes he can say something like "As a therapist, I shouldn't have said that" or "Oh, therapists don't behave like that" or "Bad, bad therapist" (jokingly). I guess that means that it was his "real personality"?

I really like when he behaves like a human. I like doctor EI, but I like J too. I'm sure he's a nice person. Maybe not perfect, but who is?

My T says that she is the realist therapist she knows. She occasionally jokes or comments on how a lot of them are stuffy and hold back from their clients but she really tries not to do that. She laughs with me. She cries with me. She isnt afraid to admit mistakes or accept responsibility. She says is more "tuned in" at the office than at home but I dunno, she seems pretty genuine to me.

There's a video of T on YouTube where someone at a conference asks T for a short interview and you can see he doesn't want to do it. (LT saw it and said he "had the air of 'f*** off'" which made me laugh).
It's the only time I've ever seen him looking less than kind and accepting.

In Session T definitely doesn't make hilarious goofy faces or take silly selfies and photographs. I'm mindful that instagram is curated heavily, especially her public one and her friends' public ones.

In Session T is at work, not out enjoying her personal life. In Session T is a lot more serious, definitely sober (she drinks socially, it seems), I can see why she prefers her personal life to her work with me.

I think real T would be way more open, less blank slate than In Session T...I know almost nothing about real T except through her instagram. She very rarely self discloses in session, and never makes small talk in session.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Have you ever had a glimpse of what your t’s personality might be like in real life vs in session?

For example my t lately seems like his personal life isn’t going so well. His “real” personality seems more manicky- cracking jokes constantly- and way more distractsble. I have confidence in his abilities as a t but wondering if I knew him as a person he would be a hot mess.

Have you ever seen the man or woman behind the curtain even for a moment? What did you notice? What was it like?

I think I do see behind the curtain with my t. He doesn't really change his personality . But what would I know. I do know he wouldn't be as attentive like in our session irl. I just don't see my t putting on a face or act in session vs not in session. But I am never seeing him at his home or anywhere besides there so I very well could be wrong

When she was suggested to me yrs ago. The person who knew her said he knew her professionally and privately and had great respect for her.
Her other interests outside of therapy indicate she's much the same in therapy and out.
She admits if I was to spend the day with her it would be different, less intense. But I don't believe that means she turns into something much different to the person I've come to know.
But she has undergone Her own analysts during training . I think that integrates a person more so less extremes. Not that I get the feeling she's ever been anything other than who she does to me.

[atisketatasket]

From what I can see via the internet, 3 and Info are much the same as in session. DBC is a heck of a lot nicer in real life.

May I ask how, in session, you know which is “real” and which is not? How do you know you got a glimpse of the person behind the curtain? That’s a question for anyone, not just GC.

[ElectricManatee]

I think there are large chunks of my T that are universal, and I think her therapist persona just dials up certain parts and dials back others. She has told me before that when she trains interns, one thing she tells them is that you have to "be yourself in the room." She seems a bit feistier or sassier in real life based on small anecdotes she has shared, whereas she is always very patient and conciliatory in therapy. I also think she might be a bit more high-strung or anxious when dealing with her own life, compared to how she is when we're dealing with mine. Basically I think the wiser and more grounded parts of her are more active when she's doing therapy, but I don't think she is dramatically different from how she is everywhere else. (We have talked about this as well, although I recognize that she may not be the most reliable narrator about such things.)

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

From what I can see via the internet, 3 and Info are much the same as in session. DBC is a heck of a lot nicer in real life.

May I ask how, in session, you know which is “real” and which is not? How do you know you got a glimpse of the person behind the curtain? That’s a question for anyone, not just GC.

I guess when t complains about his personal life to me. Or gets super excited to talk about something. Or when we're playing a game and we trash talk each other

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

From what I can see via the internet, 3 and Info are much the same as in session. DBC is a heck of a lot nicer in real life.

May I ask how, in session, you know which is “real” and which is not? How do you know you got a glimpse of the person behind the curtain? That’s a question for anyone, not just GC.

how they are out of the session, like if you see them interacting with co workers or their family...

if you see them react under pressure to an unexpected situation etc

i would say a lot of their personality could be a real part of who they are, that we see ins session but a lot of it is also how they are "with every client" to a degree so it's the therapist act so to speak. that's why i watch for how they are with others or in other situations they don't control

[healed84]

So, I have seen t in a lot of different setting. However, I think it’s hard to tell t from in session t and out of session in public t. Because let’s face it, we all put some kind of mask on when we are out public. He may act one way in session, and then still have a semi profession, pulled together hat on when he was at a school or dance events that I have seen him at.

I think the t who continually shows up late for sessions, is forgetful about sending paper work, can be a bit distracted at times is actually more of the real t than I see outside is the office.

Though, I will say.. the times that I have gone to church where he goes. I have seen a little unguarded and goofy t as he interacted with his family.

[toomanycats]

therapist S appeared to give a s*** and also encouraged me to let go and be allowed to cry.

real-life S hates when girls cry and freaked out/completely ignored me when I cried in public while with him. Also, he gives zero s***s about anyone but himself.

[LonesomeTonight]

Marriage counselor (MC), for whom I had strong transference/attachment in session and even in outside contact (including phone) very caring and accepting. He's talked about how in real life, he's screamed at his kids, implied he'd also punched a hole in a wall in anger (after my H did that), etc. And at one point, he told me that in real life, he's an a-hole, and I wouldn't want to hang out with him. Which I had trouble believing.

During a phone call in December, I feel like I saw a glimpse of that side of him. Even how he started the call: saying, "I only have two minutes, and I'm going to do most of the talking." (We ended up talking for 20 minutes, and I did my share of talking, too.) He was clearly frustrated with me, breathing oddly--like he was trying to keep it together, to keep from yelling at me and really letting his anger out. He was basically trying to gaslight me at one point (regarding outside contact in the past) and got very defensive when I disagreed with his interpretation of how he was with me/H. Then at the end, he did something that he *had* to know would hurt me, which was to say I had to reduce outside contact. I think that call sort of shattered my illusion of him. We've discussed it more since then, and I feel better about things, but it's like the transference/attachment are just...gone. Maybe I had to "see behind the curtain" to get it to go away, but I kind of wish I could have walked away while retaining my old vision of him...

[Myrto]

I think most therapists to an extent play a role in session: they appear calm, attentive and patient but I very much doubt they are like that in real life. In real life, they are annoyed, tired, grumpy, selfish and inattentive. It's fine: everybody is like that once in a while, the problem is that therapists rarely admit it which often encourages some idealization from their clients (and therapists lap it up). I actually dated a psychologist once. She was pretty boring and I wasn't attracted to her physically so I broke things off after a month but I asked her about her clients (because I was curious) and she made a face and said "some are ****ing crazy, you wouldn't believe it". Make of that what you will. The mother of a friend of mine is a psychologist as well and she's lovely but of course I have no idea how she is with her clients. With my ex therapist, I found a Facebook page that she made for her breeding business where she often posts pictures of her dogs and the progress the puppies have made. Her humour is really cringe-worthy and she makes constant spelling mistakes. When I used to check this FB page, I was constantly embarassed for her. Doubt we would ever have been friends if we met in real life.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

how they are out of the session, like if you see them interacting with co workers or their family...

if you see them react under pressure to an unexpected situation etc

i would say a lot of their personality could be a real part of who they are, that we see ins session but a lot of it is also how they are "with every client" to a degree so it's the therapist act so to speak. that's why i watch for how they are with others or in other situations they don't control

I was asking about in session. Outside I get. But within the confines of the office? What are the tells to clients that this is the "real" self?

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I was asking about in session. Outside I get. But within the confines of the office? What are the tells to clients that this is the "real" self?

Nothing. That's what I was saying, it's most likely just them playing a part.

I mean I think mine is funny and has great sense of humor outside of session as well, thats hard to fake but the kindness etc, its all part of the plan, so I just take it with a grain of salt

[rainbow8]

This is an interesting thread. I think my T is basically the same warm, calm, friendly, patient person she is in session and outside. When she used to be on FB and I read comments by others to her, they were all flattering. Of course, that's FB.

Once I found something online written about T from her cousin. He mentioned her "wonderful qualities." I think my T is mostly genuinely herself in session. She doesn't put on a different persona, but is at her best because she cares about all of her clients.

I have gotten some other glimpses of her, mostly in relation to an art show she participated in. She wrote about her anger, and titled a painting with a four letter word beginning with "f". That totally shocked me.

She's also reacted to me a few times in a hurtful way. So she isn't all sweet and sugary like I used to believe when I idolized her.

[missbella]

I'm unfortunate enough to be in a creative group with a real life therapist. She's one of the most boastful, vainglorious human beings I've ever known, preening and domineering. As I imagine she does in sessions, she acts like she has magical powers to heal for simply being within range of her ethereal aura. She told me that many people in the group think she's brilliant, though she's made no effort to get training in the craft we share. She's non-stop self-promoter around her very thin resume. She tried to give me therapy unsolicited. (She doesn't know about my blog.)

I can't imagine how she is with clients, but I hope she brings the hubris down a few notches. But she has to think she's the smartest person in the room, operating in the delusional bubble she's amazing without actually doing very much.

I will assume she's not typical of the therapist at large, since I've never known another human being like this.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I don't know much about his normal persona, he doesn't really share that, and I don't really care. However, I am pretty sure that nobody would fake negative qualities (if they have nothing to do with therapy). I guess I know about how his mind works too, i.e. what he thinks is important vs what not, I don't assume that changes much outside of sessions.

Other than that, I know he has to be a very caring/thoughtful parent, since he spends a lot of time looking after his kids.

[zoiecat]

I have seen my T's real side a few times. I know he has a temper from observing his reactions sometimes to things that don't work as intending such as the printer, etc.

[ruh roh]

I think it's a less muted version of what I see in session. She is probably a lot more emotional and caring than she shows me. She is uncharactersically empathetic and caring about someone I barely know who has cancer--like, infinitely more so than anything to do with me, even though this is someone on the outer fringes of my life. She is always making sure I don't do or say anything to upset this person, which I most certainly do not--and that makes me think she and/or someone close to her has dealt with cancer. It sometimes makes me feel like a non person when I see that caring side of her and it's for someone she hasn't even met and that I barely know. On the other end of things, I have seen flashes of her anger, although she calls it being frustrated. And she gets triggered around a topic I try to bring up around sexual orientation, so there is something there that pisses her off about me, but she won't say what, just that I don't know everything. So yeah...I think she is just more herself in lots of ways and not as modulated and toned down as she is in session.

[tomatenoir]

My therapist is Mr. Blank Slate professionaI. I have only caught a glimpse of my 'true' therapist a couple of times.

Once was a couple months into our sessions, when I was talking about how therapy is a bit creepy because you can never actually know who you are talking to. We went back and forth until I finally blurted out, "Like, who are you REALLY, S??" He looked beyond uncomfortable, then said, "Well, like you, I try to be a good person." When I stared at him blankly, he bobbed his head like a shy teenager, hunched his shoulders, put a downright bashful look on his face, pointed to his bookshelf of Freud and poetry and said, "Ummm... I like to reeeeaaaad." I realised right then and there that my therapist wasn't just academic--he was a giant dweeb.

I also suspect he's someone who's not totally comfortable with physical touch/affection. He
gestures for me to come in to his home in an awkward, shy sort of way. He got really flustered when I asked to shake his hand and then hug him. He struggles with eye contact when I'm talking about difficult things. He never looks completely comfortable in his own skin. But in a way, that makes me respect him even more as a therapist.

Other suspicions are that he's calm, highly introspective,
a bit of a hippy, methodical, and a bit boring!