Just wondering if anyone has had any experience with this in their sessions?
I got really triggered in session this week and it frightened me how my body reacted.
I started to shake uncontrollably. It was very distressing.
Please I don’t want any judgement of my t or my therapy. I don’t blame my t because this would have happened when talking to anybody about this.

[toomanycats]

There's a difference between getting triggered and being retraumatized.
Getting triggered is going to happen. I have absolutely been extremely triggered in therapy to the point of leaving suicidal -- but retraumatization is different. I was re-traumatized by a therapist who put his emotional needs on me. Who put me through the "child as a parent" role all over again and then abandoned me. That is retraumatizing.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by toomanycats

There's a difference between getting triggered and being retraumatized.
Getting triggered is going to happen. I have absolutely been extremely triggered in therapy to the point of leaving suicidal -- but retraumatization is different.

I agree with this distinction. There have been times when I have shaken, had my teeth chatter so hard I thought they might break, and once I threw up in the trashcan conveniently located next to the chair. Whether these were emotional flashbacks or some kind of fight or flight, they were always in relation to something from my past that was very traumatizing.

I have not been re-traumatized in therapy. Sometimes I have had to tell my T to help me push ahead rather than allow me to spin in avoidance. He has always been careful to take things at my own pace, and we developed a container exercise to do when I needed help putting things away before I left (imaginary process where he opened his desk drawer or file cabinet or whatever and I mentally sent my can of worms into).

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Getting triggered happens all the time to me. I don't think that's questionable or anything, as long as you feel you have or are given tools to deal with it (i.e. general tips like how to calm yourself, but also things like being offered the possibility to get extra sessions if needed).

However, for a few weeks I was talking about my past a whole lot. Mainly due to the fact that I started to have flashbacks multiple times a day suddenly, unrelated to therapy. During that time, T asked me almost every session whether it was really okay to talk about this. He said that some people can't deal with talking about it this much and that it can then hurt to talk about it. But he always stressed that if I felt it helped me to talk about it and I felt I could do it, then it was fine.

So that's pretty much what I think of it now, if you feel you can deal with it somehow, and things overall don't get worse, then it's fine. Otherwise, I'd tell my T that maybe last session was a bit much and I needed to slow down a little, or just slow down on my own.

[junkDNA]

I definitely feel I have been retraumatized at times

[Out There]

I was retraumatized by a female T after two sessions , but with my other T's it's been triggers mostly ( one this week ) and inadvertent with stuff coming from the past. I think there is a distinction between triggered / being experienced as traumatic and retraumatized.

[AllHeart]

Yes. My ex-t retraumatized me during sessions quite a few times during our last 6-8 months together. She seemed to find a sick satisfaction in recreating traumatic experiences for me the same ways two of my past abusers did. Triggers were always there on occasion but nonstop near the end. Pouring salt into my old wounds turned out to be one of her specialties.

my first therapist, the one who dumped me out of nowhere, retraumatized me quite a few times.

[TrailRunner14]

What would retraumatizing look and feel like?

I’ve had a major flashback during a session that it took me weeks to get back from.

I’m not sure if that is being retraumatizing or not.


ET correct words

When I was first seeing my pdoc, I was very very scared of doctors (now merely somewhat scared, or distrustful. And I trust him now.) and yeah, he's messed up a time or two. Made me feel that powerlessness again. We didn't know each other well back then: now he would probably say things a little differently (both because he knows/understands the fear way better, and because we know each other better so he knows how to say things so I understand them) so it doesn't upset me as much, and because I trust him now.

We'd only seen each other for a month or two when I got suicidal and wasn't cooperating as he desired, and he basically said "Cooperate or I'll need to send you to the locked ward with a sectioning".
I shut down. Only asked what that meant exactly, then said something like "No!" and turned around in my chair.. eventually he left because I couldn't communicate anymore. (I was on the residential unit at that time, so he didn't leave me alone or anything. Nurse was there also.) It did get me cooperating.. it also got me very scared. Of him, of everything.

Nowadays he'd probably say something like "You understand that if we/you can't [..], you can't go home/I can't allow you to go home." Which feels less like a threat, more like an explanation of logical consequences. Also, 'his' ward is pretty great, not "being trapped in a room at the mercy of nurses" at all.. and I know now he doesn't lock people up because he gets off on it or anything. I didn't know that back then.
Also, I think he'd be less forceful now anyway because he knows I need time to process things before I can make a decision. Sometimes that's more time than average. I can't always make instant decisions. Often a minute or two in silence goes a long way, but if someone tries to convince me during that silence I can't think and thus I won't be able to agree or agree to do as they say.
Back then it was a yes-no-yes-no-yes-no thingy. Now it would probably be yes-no-you take a minute to think, while I write your new prescription.
Or yes-no-yes-give me a minute..

[stopdog]

I was traumatized by cbt- I don't think it was re, but just regular.

I wonder what possesses a t to carry on with session. Are they not aware that the client has been triggered/ traumatised/ is getting flashbacks?
I think My body went into shock. It was pretty scary. T did stop asking questions and moved onto another subject which helped and she made me some tea.

There always a fine line to be walked in therapy. Talking aboyt past traumas are going to be relived.
Therapy is the place best to relive past traumas.
Being "triggered" is at the beginning of the work. As the work continues the trigger lessens.
If we don't rexperience traumas, they can't be known or healed.
Within the context of therapy. This "normal" . If it never lessens. Then the therapy is ineffective.

[LonesomeTonight]

I feel I was retraumatized in a sense by my marriage counselor. He knew about some stuff that had happened in the past with a high school teacher for whom I had transference. How I'd confided in him and then, at a really bad point for me emotionally, when I was really vulnerable, he told me to never contact him again.

MC had often promised never to abandon me and kept telling me any outside contact was fine. In December, I told him via e-mail how much I loved him (platonically, but he kept believing it was romantic--he confirmed this later). We ended up on a phone call later that week in which he was very harsh to me, which ended with him saying I needed to reduce outside contact. It felt again like I'd been vulnerable with a male authority figure for whom I had transference, and then that person pushed me away. And MC *had* to realize it would hurt me, because of various things we'd talked about, including my fears of abandonment/rejection, and the fact that he kept reassuring me about those things.

We've had a couple conversations (in session and on a long phone call) about it since then, and I'm feeling a bit better about it, but still feel like my connection to him and trust in him is gone, and we'll likely be terminating when we see him in a couple weeks (it will have been a month since we last saw him).

[mcl6136]

Yeah...I had a creepy male T who would arrive at his office with his shirt unbuttoned and sit with his legs spread and stare unblinkingly. I posted incessantly here. I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through this ridiculous "therapy" without this forum.
It was a purposeful retraumatizing experience and once I found other female clients who had experience with this T, the gig was up.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I feel I was retraumatized in a sense by my marriage counselor. He knew about some stuff that had happened in the past with a high school teacher for whom I had transference. How I'd confided in him and then, at a really bad point for me emotionally, when I was really vulnerable, he told me to never contact him again.

You took an active role in demanding that he talk to you on the phone that day, but how are you taking an active role in trying to repair the situation? I thought that bolded sentence referred to MC, but upon rereading, i see you mean the teacher. But it sounds like a repeat of that football day. And im afraid now youre doing it with your friend? Idk.

If i were you, i would go back to mc on my own and just work on apologizing for that phone call. Maybe it isnt safe to apologize to your h? But i really think you would gain strength and agency in dealing with mc as an equal, not as an injured bird. Or maybe squirrel! Anyway, i hate to see you lose what youve built with him. But you hold the key.

[musinglizzy]

YES. My T has retraumatized me.... I see a difference, also, between being triggered and traumatized.... she won't take any responsibility for having done so, but my T has totally retraumatized me. This goes back probably 3 years ago, and still affects me on a daily basis, and has totally held me back.

Thank you all for your responses. I am shocked that this happens so often and sometimes purposely. I don’t feel my t did it on purpose and she did apply the brakes but it was too late by the time she realised what was happening.

I am not sure what exactly counts as traumatizing, but my first T's behavior reminded me very much of a couple other people I was dealing with a few years prior, who had similar tendencies and personality, and it was extremely frustrating. It certainly reminded me how much I dislike that kind of behavior and how strongly I can react to it. What angered me even more was when, instead of owning his BS, he put my reaction down to some parental transference and even made up stories I apparently told him about my parents that were similar - those things did not exist. He was clearly trying to gaslight me. Everyone, or at least most people, would be mad at that sort of behavior without any "issue" in their past, it is simply unprofessional and abusive.

I think many Ts get away with inappropriate behavior claiming that therapy is supposed to bring out traumas, and some do it over and over.

[Amyjay]

I felt traumatized by the session week before last, when I went into session in a trauma state (drama with abuser right before session) and then the activity happening around the therapy room caused me to go into flashback mode. A child alter sat there frozen completely disconnected from t (T tried to connect and reach us but couldn't) experiencing past trauma where

Possible trigger:

the father was about to enter the room to abuse her.

Unfortunately we stayed in that traumatized state for most of the session and left in it too.

I emailed the t several days later explaining what was going on internally at the time and gave suggestions for what we can both do to help prevent it from happening again. We tried some of those suggestions in this weeks session and it went much better. We will keep talking about strategies to use to help ground us and keep us in the present when flashbacks occur.
So I wouldn't say my T traumatized me, but the therapy experience was traumatizing. My T is really good about working with me to find things that help though. She recognized we were not present but none of the strategies she was using helped and she was really open to trying new ones.
If she wasn't open to trying new ones or blamed me for what happened and how I was in any way at all I would have experienced that as T traumatizing me. But she didn't and wouldn't do that.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I wonder what possesses a t to carry on with session. Are they not aware that the client has been triggered/ traumatised/ is getting flashbacks?

I think questioning this assumption that someone outside of your head is "aware", T or not, might be a helpful step. I'm not sure that anyone can know what's going on with me unless I tell them. For me, I know where this comes from.

As a child, I hid the CSA I experienced repeatedly from other people. I think I was brilliant at faking it and being the good girl everyone knew me to be. I made it my mission to not let anyone be aware, pick up, or sniff out how I felt or what I was thinking about inside my head. If I was bothered by something, I became an expert at not showing it.

In a way, hiding it became my way of not letting anyone see that I was affected by anything, like i was keeping myself secret, turtling in to protect the one part of me no one could ever get to--my private thoughts and feelings.

I know that only my last T, who has seen me have flashbacks and body memories for a long time, can recognize the signs that i've been triggered. And that's because he's both observed and because I've been able say what was going on with me out loud so he can connect the dots.

I think that belief that people "know" something we have not expressed may also be a survivor thing. Shame often makes us think that people can see our inside horrors, or we think they know but they've chosen to ignore us.

As a practical matter, can you conversate with your T about how you can communicate to her that you are triggered and what she can do to help you through it?

[MRT6211]

Triggered many times, especially by ex T, but sometimes by current T even. It’s a natural part of therapy.

Re-traumatized, yes, by ex T. She tried (and succeeded) at getting me very, very attached to her/developing strong maternal transference, and she was supposed to show me in doing this that secure attachments do exist and that she wouldn’t abandon me. Then...she abandoned me. First emotionally with placing sudden new boundaries with no explanation, and next actually physically by leaving to go practice in a different state. It was not a pleasant experience for me.

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I think questioning this assumption that someone outside of your head is "aware", T or not, might be a helpful step. I'm not sure that anyone can know what's going on with me unless I tell them. For me, I know where this comes from.

As a child, I hid the CSA I experienced repeatedly from other people. I think I was brilliant at faking it and being the good girl everyone knew me to be. I made it my mission to not let anyone be aware, pick up, or sniff out how I felt or what I was thinking about inside my head. If I was bothered by something, I became an expert at not showing it.

In a way, hiding it became my way of not letting anyone see that I was affected by anything, like i was keeping myself secret, turtling in to protect the one part of me no one could ever get to--my private thoughts and feelings.

I know that only my last T, who has seen me have flashbacks and body memories for a long time, can recognize the signs that i've been triggered. And that's because he's both observed and because I've been able say what was going on with me out loud so he can connect the dots.

I think that belief that people "know" something we have not expressed may also be a survivor thing. Shame often makes us think that people can see our inside horrors, or we think they know but they've chosen to ignore us.

As a practical matter, can you conversate with your T about how you can communicate to her that you are triggered and what she can do to help you through it?

This!

I read some of the posts and just see some putting themselves in the middle of a victim drama. Pour me, look what the big nasty therapist is doing to me.
In 15yrs of therapy, I've never been retraumatized, yes I've relived my very traumatic past... But that's a given because if the nature of healing.

They're either fantazing or in 2nd rate therapy. Well, it's not therapy at all.
There's, a dynamic that posters seem to be acting out on this forum. If they were in effective therapy, or in therapy full stop this dynamic would become conscious to them.
I'm very suspicious of such posts.

[SalingerEsme]

Struggling with therapy isn't "victim drama" for people who were previously victimized in various ways- it is itself therapy ( transference) playing out the way it should. Suspicion of the real struggle in the posts says more about the suspicious than the struggler.

[here today]

I didn't have the body experiences you had but I got very dysregulated when my last T and I weren't getting along and when, eventually, we terminated. She said that she "didn't have the emotional resources" to continue therapy with me and I felt rejected, abandoned, worthless, kicked to the side, abandoned, powerless, helpless, betrayed, etc.

As I have written on this forum in the past, that real life rejection triggered feelings of being disapproved of and rejected when I was a child, which I eventually re-membered about 6 months after the termination. Living with that, "working through" that, with the non-rejection of this forum and some other support groups, has allowed me to experience rejection as painful but not necessarily life-threatening, or meaning I am worthless to everybody in the world. A long journey, some still to go.

Traumatic or re-traumatic is a difficult question. The conflict and rejection by my last T was "traumatic", but why? My guess is that it was largely because of the old repressed/dissociated/whatever experience from my past, frozen in time.

If I didn't have the support somewhere, as well as other progress which I had made in therapy, then that rejection by my last T would/could have been devastating. But if I hadn't re-experienced the rejection which was too awful to deal with when I was a child, then I couldn't re-member those parts of me.

Now the experience with my last T is becoming simply disappointing, and sad, like my experience with my family.