[stopdog]

Do you try and make the therapist think they are special to you?

[toomanycats]

I appreciate my therapist, and I say as much.

[DP_2017]

Sort of but in the same sense I would for anyone else who really mattered to me. I've given thank you notes and texted him a birthday message, holiday well wishes etc. whatever I can that's within the rules

He knows he is very important to me and I care about him very much. I don't really go out of my way to 'make him think' anything but I tell him because talking about the relationship is a part of the work.

[winterblues17]

I think so, well I hope so. I've thanked her for the times she's helped me through and the tools she teaches me to try and achieve my goals etc.. so I hope she knows that by being that stable and reliable person she has gained me care which ultimately makes her a special part of my life right now

[zoiecat]

No. He knows I am not attached and struggle with any kind of trust. He knows I am always tempted to quit tomorrow and am not at impacted whenever he has to cancel a session. He always offers an alternate day but I always decline.

While I appreciate his efforts in trying to help me heal, I am not sure he is "special" to me. He is hired to teach me the skills to hopefully be able to one day live a normal life but at this point based on things he has said, I think I am more special to him than he is to me. Maybe that will change some day.

[maybeblue]

Kind of. I think I'm much more selfish about my reasons for it than some people probably are. I want the therapist to know what works well for me and what doesn't. So I'll say something like "thank you, that was very helpful." I want them to like me, so I'll do a little bit of the social niceties like "did you have a good vacation?" even though I don't care too much. But I don't pay attention to things like when their birthdays are. I find it stressful enough to remember all my family member's birthdays.

[LostOnTheTrail]

Somewhat...I aim to convey the importance of our work, and gave her a card at Christmas.

[nottrustin]

Other. I don't try to make them feel special. I thank them for their help, tell them how much I appreciate their patience..stuff like that. But I also, do the same thing with our accountant, store clerks, etc...not because they are special. I do tell T I care but that again something I do with people I have regular contact with. Very few people in my life do I see weekly for 10 years

No more than I do with anyone else. I wouldn't choose to spend that much time with someone who wasn't special to me in some way regardless of the basis for the relationship. I know what it's like to be constantly overlooked and pushed aside so I do my best to let the people in my life know that I see them, I care, and that they are special to me and that most definitely includes my T.

[growlycat]

In my family of origin I think I was the least favorite child. Now I’m doomed to ingratiating myself towards those I feel closest to. I’m sure it is super unwell of me. I have been told that I have an anxious attachment style which means that I’d subvert my own needs to please the other person in the relationship. I know I need to work on it. I’m trying to start by verbalizing what is going on for me and not threatening to quit like I did recently.

[fille_folle]

No. If someone is special to me, I don't have to consciously try to convey that. I try to demonstrate to my T that I respect and appreciate her by keeping my appointments, being on time, thanking her as I walk out the door, etc. I also give due consideration to the things she says and make an effort to follow through on any recommendations she makes. However, I don't feel that's about showing my T that she's "special." I suppose she is, in a way, since I'm very socially isolated, but the fact that she's the only person I have to talk to doesn't feel like something I need to emphasize.

It's not my job nor my duty to make my T feel 'special.'

[junkDNA]

He is special to me but no I don't try to make him think that . I think he knows it anyway, I've expressed my gratitude

I think she knows she is very special to me. I told her once that I really cared about her because she had said she cared about me. She knows I care because i really listen to her and try to understand her. T knows secretly that I love her in a maternal sort of way, she is like a surrogate mother and other times she is the bad mother I hate.

[SalingerEsme]

Yes, but it completely backfires. He truly doesn't care if he is special to me or not, especially since he is my only T I have ever had. I do try to compliment him or tell him thank you. I gave him an extravagant Christmas present and he was fine accepting it bc I was sincere in giving it to my T and not off on a misunderstanding about either of our roles. I think to him me getting better and me showing up at sessions on time is how he judges if he is doing a good job, and he could care less what I say about him being awesome etc.

However he does take for granted he is special to me, and even comments that he is, which bemuses me. He will say well, I am a very important figure to you now. I am amused/ bemused/ confused by this- bc it seems to take a lot for granted, and I do have many real life relationships that are more important to me in the crucial ways of who you would vote off your island if you had to vote. T preoccupies me, yet he isn't part of my real life.

[88Butterfly88]

No, we tend to keep the relationship professional. Of course I talk about personal issues, but t is always pretty neutral. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a wall, which can be annoying at times but other times it seems okay. It helps to bounce ideas off the wall and this wall offers feedback.

[fille_folle]

@SE Wow, I think it would really bother me if my T just announced how special she is to me. It would piss me right off if she proclaimed that she is an important figure. It just seems unnecessarily grandiose. Does it bother you that he acknowledges his specialness, or is it satisfying to know that your efforts to show him how you feel have been successful?

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by fille_folle

@SE Wow, I think it would really bother me if my T just announced how special she is to me. It would piss me right off if she proclaimed that she is an important figure. It just seems unnecessarily grandiose. Does it bother you that he acknowledges his specialness, or is it satisfying to know that your efforts to show him how you feel have been successful?

I think it bothers me. It seems smug. Once I asked him if I was attached to him, and he said well if you are, that is not pathological.

He is a character. I don't really know what to make of some of the things he says.

We're a similar same age, educational level, and background, but there is a huge power differential bc he is the T and I am the patient ( he is adamant it is patient not client. It is awkward to me at times like that, but there is also a goofball charm to it bc he isn't someone I would have picked out to adore in real life. Yet, the situation in which he is , I think, genuinely helping me does make him an appreciated and important figure. He isn't wrong. It is just he says that with really no irony.

“Good lord. I hope not. If they do, I have failed.”

Though I’m no longer in therapy, I can’t remember a time I made a therapist feel like they are special to me. If I found the session helpful, I would thank them at the end, but thanking them does not equate to me trying to make them feel special.

Feel really ashamed of myself....yes I have implied to T that she's special to me. I've struggled to tell her, but did tell her several times that she's very very important to me, and that I hope she understands how important she is to me. I've told her that she's among the very short list of people who are immensely important to me. I've said that she's not interchangeable with a group of other people because each person is unique.

[ruh roh]

I don't know how my therapist could not know.

No. I do try to let them know I appreciate their working with me.

[annielovesbacon]

I don't do anything specific to try to make her feel special (give presents, etc.) and I don't even verbalize it. That said, she is special to me, and I hope she can see that even though I don't say it explicitly.

I'm big on pointing out things people have done that were helpful or comforting/reassuring to me, especially if it is not what most people would do. In my pdoc's case that would be /most doctors/.

So yeah, I tell him sometimes - we had a rather tumultuous start (I was really afraid of doctors when I started seeing him, so of him also) and two weeks ago I mentioned specifically what had been the turning point. Also, I sometimes comment, when it happens or the next session, that specific think were kind or helpful, or just thanked him for a very appropriate response.

I always do things like that, with a lot of people in my life, because I want to tell them to keep doing what they are doing - not to me specifically, but just in general. Because people tend to have the inclination to conform, and an exceptional act shouldn't be removed in order to conform. If people do what is right instead of what is easy, I tell them how helpful it was. If people do something unusual that's helpful, I'll tell them.I'd

I'm not sure if using the word /special/ would be right though.. but I appreciate him a lot and, like most people and actions I appreciate, I mention those specific acts when they come up.

Then again.. he's a doctor and I voluntarily go to see him. I'm not even usually more highly alert than usual in his office..
Maybe /special/ is the right word. ;-)
Or my standards are just eSPECIALly low and my pdoc sticks out above them.
Probably a combination. He does enough compliment-worthy things, but I comment on them more often because they rise way above my expectations.
My T is good too, but I say things like that less often to her I think. Because she doesn't rise as much above my T expectations as pdoc rises above my doctor expectations.

But I'm not like 'you're so special to me' and they aren't, not in that way. I am like 'I appreciate you doing x, it helped me y', meaning their actions were especial, not they themselves. Their role as a treatment provider. What I see of them. But I don't know them outside of "the office" and
I don't know how they would be if I(nsurance) weren't paying. So I can't speak as to them - only as to what they show, in this situation.