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  #1  
Old Feb 26, 2018, 06:34 PM
Tbhimscared Tbhimscared is offline
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In session yesterday I told my T I was suicidal.

Possible TW!!!
I told her that I have been suicidal for a few weeks now and haven’t been doing well. She sort of stared at me for a second, I think she was waiting to see if I’d say anything else before she responded. Then all she said was that people want me alive and that I have a bright future. She suggested some things I might like to do that could make me feel better and then we sort of moved on from it. I expected her to ask for more details about it like if I had a plan etc to gauge how serious it was but she didn’t. She also didn’t tell me what I should do if things get worse/ make a safety plan. I don’t know how to feel about the session and at least I have an old safety plan and contract a past T (current T doesn’t know this) but now I’m wondering what would happen to someone else, saying the same thing but not having a plan.

What are your thoughts on her reaction?
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  #2  
Old Feb 26, 2018, 07:28 PM
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ruh roh ruh roh is offline
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There are a lot things happening in a therapy session that's hard to tell from your post. If you said you have sui thoughts, that might be less of a warning sign to her than saying you don't feel you can hang on any longer and things are really bad. Again, it's hard to tell from your post how it came across. I talk about this with my therapist and she doesn't overreact at all, mainly because of how I bring it up, so this kind of reaction wouldn't bother me.

If you aren't feeling safe, it would be a good idea to make that clear to her if she isn't picking up on it.
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  #3  
Old Feb 26, 2018, 07:54 PM
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mostlylurking mostlylurking is offline
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She may have been wanting to reassure you that you can be honest about how badly you're feeling, and even let her know you are feeling suicidal, without her freaking out, immediately calling 911, or some such thing. It's not uncommon to have some thoughts along those lines during depression or other difficult times, and it could be she wants to normalize it to a degree, while also addressing it.

Does your T offer out of session contact, or regularly say things like "Give me a call or text if you need to," or anything like that? If so, she may be assuming that if things went downhill for you, you would contact her.

Did you want her to ask you more about it because you feel scared and unsafe now?
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  #4  
Old Feb 26, 2018, 08:16 PM
Tbhimscared Tbhimscared is offline
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Maybe I worded it to minimize my thoughts but I can’t really remember exactly what I said. I think I said it pretty directly that I was suicidal and really struggling, but maybe my expressions made it seem less severe. She doesn’t offer out of session contact so she couldn’t assume that I would contact her if it went downhill.
I guess maybe I saw the session as my own cry for help between being suicidal and wanting to survive, and now I feel worse that she didn’t seem interested or concerned.
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  #5  
Old Feb 26, 2018, 08:17 PM
Tbhimscared Tbhimscared is offline
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And before this, I had never mentioned being suicidal before so it wouldn’t be a “typical” session topic really
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  #6  
Old Feb 26, 2018, 08:28 PM
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I'm really sorry, I could see how awful that would feel. It may have caught your T by surprise, if this is the first time you've mentioned it, and she may have dropped the ball on this a bit. I don't think that means she doesn't care about you. It's entirely possible for her to care about you very much and still make a mistake. (As they are so fond of saying, they are only human -- but it is true.)

Has she told you that out of session contact is not allowed? My T never explicitly told me anything, one way or the other, about out of session contact. I just started emailing him now and then, and he never said I couldn't. [ETA: He begins his replies by thanking me for writing, and has told me that he doesn't consider it ethical to not offer out of session contact, so I do know it's definitely okay. But I didn't know this when I first tried emailing.]
  #7  
Old Feb 26, 2018, 08:49 PM
Tbhimscared Tbhimscared is offline
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Yeah that’s true. She’s still young and might not have as much experience with this yet either. She never mentioned out of session contact, but the only information I have is her email and sometimes it takes her a few days to respond and she doesn’t say thank you or anything along those lines really...
  #8  
Old Feb 27, 2018, 07:02 AM
Anonymous42076
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Hmm, I guess that is a unusual reaction... I'd actually respond awful to that reaction because it's such a cliche response and something I'd expect from someone untrained. Both my T and Pdoc, responded with worry and curious on the details of the thoughts, when they came the most, impulsiveness, and so on. Maybe she doesn't have the proper training? It caught her by surprise, and her response seemed the safest instead trying to wing it?
Maybe see if she brings it up in the next session, or if mention if you're still in the headspace if her demeanor is any different due to speaking with a supervisor or something.
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  #9  
Old Feb 27, 2018, 09:40 AM
doogie doogie is offline
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My T has reacted very similarly in the moment when I have mentioned sui thoughts/feeling like I can't go one more day/feeling unsafe with myself/etc.

I remember thinking - wow, that was a non-reaction. Not that I mentioned those things for attention or anything, but I guess I thought she might 'care' more.

What I have found, though, as time has passed is that there was way more going on behind the scenes in her brain about all that I was saying that she let show on the outside. I don't know the reason why, exactly, but she has said several things over the past months that let me know that she was well aware of how close to the edge I was and that we need to work now (while things are better) on ways to cope, etc. if I get to that place again.

All that to say - maybe you T didn't take it lightly, but she just controlled her reaction to you for some reason. Keep talking with your T and if you feel you need immediate help because you feel unsafe, please reach out to a real live person in your life and tell them.
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  #10  
Old Feb 27, 2018, 02:16 PM
dlantern dlantern is offline
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A safety plan can be retroactive it can be a plan for affirming until something official is needed. I think it is only as safe as you make it how careful is reality though when you have to do things in life. Find a safe personality, because therapist have one that will make your needs important. If you all don't get alone then make sure you move on.
  #11  
Old Feb 27, 2018, 03:14 PM
ChickenNoodleSoup ChickenNoodleSoup is offline
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My T reacts similarly sometimes. We have talked about such thoughts ever since I first started, so it's a topic that comes every few weeks, if I don't say anything he asks about it. But he doesn't always ask in detail if I mention them. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. I think it has to do with how I talk about it. He usually knows to be concerned if I don't show any emotion anymore. Then he'll ask about plans, means and so on. If I cry, he might quickly ask about it, but then try to explore why I'm crying about it.
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  #12  
Old Feb 27, 2018, 03:40 PM
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SalingerEsme SalingerEsme is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tbhimscared View Post
Maybe I worded it to minimize my thoughts but I can’t really remember exactly what I said. I think I said it pretty directly that I was suicidal and really struggling, but maybe my expressions made it seem less severe. She doesn’t offer out of session contact so she couldn’t assume that I would contact her if it went downhill.
I guess maybe I saw the session as my own cry for help between being suicidal and wanting to survive, and now I feel worse that she didn’t seem interested or concerned.
There's a line of T thinking in which they try not to positively reinforce or give attention to SI or SH. I dont know about your T and her theory of practice, but that went through my mind. I am sorry you didn't fee safe, helped, and embraced. This topic is huge to every T, and I bet she is thinking about it right now. My T once gave me nooooooo reaction to the only time I had a fleeting question about quality of life / being worth it , but then I was unchariteristically late to the next session. He was pacing near the door and greeted me almost in the hall near the elevator, saying how glad he was to see me today. It made me realize how studied his reactions can be, and he was really, really worried. I do not have SUI generally, but that session pushed too hard for me to handle at that time . He said then that is was too evocative and we would be more careful, and he as kept his word on that. I think your T is pondering about you right now.
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  #13  
Old Feb 27, 2018, 04:30 PM
Tbhimscared Tbhimscared is offline
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Those are all very good points. I try to keep an open mind because of course nobody’s perfect and my T can’t read my mind. It’s a thin line to be on, she could underreact and something could happen to me because I don’t feel cared for OR she could overreact and I could feel like she isn’t able to handle it or that my feelings are too “crazy” to live with. I want to give her another chance with this and try to see things from a different perspective than “she obviously doesn’t care about me”
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