Survivors of Unethical Therapy

Sometimes, I get really really furious over just how DEEP this kind of thing can hurt.
I didn't know to be on alert. Now, I can't NOT be on alert.
I didn't know what gaslighting was.
I just didn't KNOW. I didn't know.
I didn't know how tricky it is too see when you're in the middle of it. Now, I see it even when it isn't happening (and then freak out that I'm telling myself "it's not happening" because what if it really IS happening?? Reassurance itself is now terrifying.)

And I am so ...so mad at the part of myself that can't let him go. Can't let go of the hot coal that STILL burns me.

All because of the fostered NEED. The fostered dependence.

And the parts of me that think he didn't even mean to hurt me this much - he just doesn't know, doesn't understand how much he's hurt me - if he knew, he'd be appalled...

But it's not true.

He doesn't want to know, for one.

The only way to keep him in my life is to shut up about it.

I. Hate. Myself.
I hate myself.
I hate that I can't hate him.

I agree, I only talk about it in therapy anymore.

And I’ve seen...it was written about in the late 80’s and 90’s but academia is not writing/publishing about it anymore. Is it they think the subject is threatening, out of date (believe it doesn’t happen anymore), disinterest, or...what?

I’m from the conservative Midwest. I moved to California in the late ‘80’s - 2000.
I’d had therapy in the Midwest which I found pretty unremarkable. Then I met one exploitive therapist after the other in California. I’d heard pretty wild things occurred in California...when new things started happening in ‘therapy’ in California, I figured, ‘this is just how therapy is done here.’ I didn’t know. I believed what they told me and I didn’t know different. I had NO idea it was against the law. I had NO idea it was a felony in California. Had I known, I hope I would have reflected on it more. But they made me feel special. I was needy. I was definitely a mark. And I didn’t even know it.

Because therapy lulled me into a false security that I was "cared for," it was more than jarring that I had to take the initiative to end a destructive relationship. I've wasted hundred of hours and thousands of dollars on other interventions for a rare, chronic neuro-muscular disorder. But none of that left me feeling the vulnerable fool like therapy did.

It saddens me to see so many negative experiences with therapy. I was able to regain my life back after some excellent therapy that helped me to deal with my Pure O.

I will be heading back into a college program this upcoming year, called the Social Service Worker program. I completed a year and have one more to go. I remember there was a huge emphasis on empathetic listening, and never hurting the client. The professors were very good at what they did, and it is very clear they are of the "do no harm" opinion. It's a shame not everyone in this field holds themselves to the same standards.

The Canadian mental health system is not perfect by any means, but I have seen a ton more complaints about the U.K system on this site than any other. I wonder why that is?

Special.
Yes. Special. I was special.

I'm sorry to read about everyone's suffering.

for the last year or so i've kind of thought that i've had an experience of unethical therapy. i was in a rehab centre and at the time i believed that it was the safest place on earth and i never wanted to leave. it was nothing sexual at all. from the time i was there until now, four years later, i've had extreme anger at things that were done/said by the counsellors. at the time i didn't know why i was so angry and my anger got me kicked out of the rehab centre.

i have talked about it with my therapist now but he is very non-committal about saying anything like "it was ok" or "it was not ok". he was actually the consultant supervisor for the rehab at the time, so i guess it would be like admitting a huge oversight on his part. part of me just wants to hear him or someone else say: that was totally unethical. i have friends who know the counsellors as well and their reaction to it is often "yeah, but that's just how they are".

i got clean in rehab but feel like i came out with more emotional issues and trust issues than i went in. i'm very hesitant to say that it was unethical, to say that i was gaslighted, to say that things they said were inappropriate - that's almost part of the legacy of being there. everything i think, i end up questioning, like - but that can't be right... if i felt badly treated it was just because i was doing something wrong.

don't know how to explain it properly but the whole experience left me feeling broken some place inside.

I had unethical therapy in the Midwest and then moved to California. I've seen 3 therapists here, the first was a blend of qualities that reminded me of both my parents, so definitely not a good fit, but I saw her to keep my ex-pdoc happy and she was competent and kind. I never really opened up to her though.

The second guy seemed really eager to tell me how he could help me by "reparenting" me and that it would be difficult but he would be willing to do it for me... on the second appointment... I got the creeps and didn't go back.

Third is my current T, and I've been with him for a few months and am starting to feel safe around him. It helps that he's nothing like my unethical ex-T. Though it's still really hard to not ask "do you believe me?" or "you believe me, right?" after telling him about my father's emotional abuse. Unethical ex-T did a lot of gaslighting (among many other things)

I am so heartbroken that so many of us have been hurt... My heart goes out to you. You didn't deserve it.

Since there is little literature about harm in therapy I'm not optimistic about some therapists understanding how harm might be caused. What I thought I wanted, a priest/priest to act as a parent with the answers, is not what I ultimately needed. The subservience and infantilization were very harmful, though I think neither the therapists nor I realized it at the time. I needed to grow up and see myself as a fully equal adult, and I don't think there would have been a short cut for that for me in therapy.

If I can ask, did you see LCSWs or PsyDs? I think, on average, PsyDs might be more likely to be able to see how what may seem helpful at the time could be detrimental in the long term.
My unethical T was an LCSW, and my current T is a PsyD (and I was only interested in working with a PsyD when looking for a therapist this time), though I've also heard plenty of awful stories about PsyDs as well (and good stories about LCSWs)

I’ve speculated about this too—it seemed that the most damaging therapists I had had degrees in psychology (MA, PhD), i.e., not professional counseling degrees.

But ultimately I think it probably comes down to intelligence and willingness to self-analyze.

I think in some ways these subtle cases can be the worst. Everyone loudly condemns the really nasty abuses, but in my experience the subtle train wrecks bring out the craziest gaslighting and can actually be used against the client. Whatver the case, failed therapy seemingly almost always leads to more therapy, with each new therapist harvesting the client's growing list of problems.

All but two were PhD/licensed psychologists. My childhood psychologist was useless, my first adult one syrupy and the male contemptuous. I would say the psychiatric social worker co-therapist was so bad she could have been a TV show bad therapist parody. The last was a psycho-analyst trainee who was actually fine as a person --she didn't speak much. But the process of psycho-analysis made me crazy. But yes, judging by my little census, the MA psych social worker was the most atrociously trained, and one I know non-professionally is a nightmare human being.

LOL. My therapist who sexually exploited me was a PsyD. The degree doesn't mean anything about the person

Yup. My unethical T was also a PsyD.

My emotionally abusive, unethical t was an LPC.

I'm also someone who's wondered about whether counsellors or clinical psychologists are better. Personally, I wouldn't see a clinical psychologist again, as the focus seems to be on labeling me with the right diagnosis (I saw several psychologists in my teens) . I also did a degree in psychology, and nearly all the people who wanted to become psychologists were attractive, judgemental, perfectionistic, self-absorbed women who didn't realise that not everyone is born with the privileges they were born with.

My current therapist is a counsellor, and he never attempts to diagnose (at least to my face). It's 'you're very sad' or 'you seem frustrated' or 'you are angry at how unfair this is'. I like it this way. We accept the feelings while also noticing their transience. The focus isn't on reducing sadness - - it's on why I might be sad in the first place. I was astounded when he said, 'this is an enormously unfair thing that happened to you. I think, at least for our time today, you need to rage.' Bless him. X

I also don't think it has much to do with the type of degree. My absolutely horrible, manipulative therapist had a PhD in clinical social work and the much more decent and psychologically knowledgeable one was a LCSW with a masters. I also know a few psychologists with a doctorate that I would not even want to go close to and some that appear reasonable. I am an academic so have encountered many people with all kinds of advanced degrees and, honestly, have never seen a correlation between their education type and how competent they are, not even how responsible human beings. It can be true that some people use their educational pedigree in power games but I think it's more the specific person than anything else.

Both of mine were M.D.’s

My individual therapists that abused me were a mix of: Psych nurse, Psychologist, Psychiatrist.

Those involved and aware were a mix of MDs, Forensic Psychologists, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Nurses, Psych Nurses, Social workers, Management, Program Supervisors. Possibly more...

They protect each other...

All humans are equally as capable of harming. A simple ethical title means nothing.

Thanks,
Hd7970ghz

I do think schools of social work are oriented around public service, social justice, and ethical practice, which is no guarantee of course that their graduates abide by any of that. But I feel like a person drawn to master of social work programs might be somewhat more likely to be ethically and altruistically minded than someone pursuing a PhD. Just a thought.

Our family hired social workers to assist an elderly and and a disabled person as medical liaisons and with daily living. Their job was problem solving and resource gathering as opposed to the less defined ministry of therapy. They were ethical and valuable.

So if level of education/training is not a reliable indicator of therapist ability or quality, then stands to reason that education is not particularly relevant at all. So what then is the basis for taking the client's money and trust?

What qualifies a therapist to make the claims all therapists make... namely that they are in a position to treat mental illness, to provide sound advice, to have greater understanding of life's difficulties than others, to orchestrate healing relationships, and so on?

Clinical hours and internship do not seem a valid basis, since that just assumes doing therapy makes someone a qualified therapist.

Having studied basic psychology counts for a little, but only a little.

Supervision or mentorship doesn't mean anything, since the supervisor or mentor could be unqualified, or even mentally ill.

A video was posted in another thread wherein a therapist suggested that therapy is a craft or art. So is the client paying to consult with an artist or to be the subject of experimental art?

My contention is that there is no valid basis, and the concept of therapist is largely arbitrary. And that makes all therapy unethical in my book.