Couch 166: The Un-hex-hexed Couch

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No, I haven't asked him outright. I start to feel ashamed and embarrassed thinking about asking him. I'm not sure why. The only things he's said are that I have a trauma history (when discussing a trauma focused DBT place he wants me to attend and that I've reluctantly agreed to try) and that I have PTSD symptoms.

Wish i had taken more notice of the pattern on my new quilt cover

Last night about 8:30 i was setting up my new phone and entering contacts and then i was trying to work out how to assign a ringtone to my T. On my iphone there isnt a way to accidently call soneone. On this android thing there is a persons name and tiny icons for call and text. I thought it was just a name and went to click it to find settings and i dialled T. I panicked then because i coulnt see the end call icon and eventually found it probably lasted 2 seconds but felt like minutes. So i decided to text him to explain what happened as i am not allowed outside contact. I spent the rest of the night angsting over this and now in the light of day it all seems so petty. But yesterday i really did want him to care for me, i feel like a fool now.

(((BCM))) yeah that still happens to me sometimes. I almost called some shrink on a link from here the other day!!

Oh i just saw your next post. Oh no!! Maybe you could iron-on or tack on some big dots at crucial uh intersections?

I read that article. I think it was on google news. Okay, maybe nytimes. Still, FAKE NEWS!!! Main stream media!! Russian Collusion!

Like key-positioned tags on H&M shirts?

See you can learn stuff from your t.

LOL!

You have been on a roll lately, Una

Una colludes with the Russian ambassador a lot...

Seriously, i did just see it. My t would not get any points for quoting something from the mainstream media to me. Thats MY job!

I may or may not be on a certain video tape...

I can’t believe you went there.

But somehow I’m not surprised.

Almost all of our exchange students from other countries have been shocked by what they consider blatant cheating on the part of their Chinese classmates. The Chinese students are often shocked when they get caught at what we consider to be cheating, as they've learned a different standard and are operating as they have in the past. It's hard all around.

Hey, wait a minute... did you mean "WENT there" or "went THERE"?! OR WENT THERE??

Really like the colours you chose, BCM! Sad the pattern wasn't what you wanted though!

Or a note from your uncle in Palermo...

I expect better than neutral.

Well its 7am here and I was up almost all night. Couldn’t sleep. Ugh. Almost time to leave for a 10 hour work day. I wont get home till around 6:30pm. Heres to hoping it goes fast.

hey couch! i had another dream about t last night, that makes the 3rd one in the past 2 weeks. (Sheesh!) In last night's installment, we're sitting in her office watching her on tv, she's on some show that involves a court case and she's on the jury and the scene that's on in the dream is when the jury is in deliberation. Her hair is super-straight (instead of the usual kinda wild curly) and she has it pulled back in a low ponytail. And she's arguing with her fellow jurors.

Hmmmm.

Medical update: Saw vascular surgeon for blood clot. Because there wasn't any trauma preceding it, I have to be on warfarin 6 months because of higher risk of getting another clot. I guess he discounted my inactivity because of the sciatica. He sent me for CT scan of my lungs because of my shortness of breath. I don't have a blood clot there. Good news about that! It does show something but not sure if it's significant. May be cause of breathing problem. Dr. didn't call me yet.

I have to get compression stockings today, and I have appointment for 7 day heart monitor.

My PT hugged me and said goodbye. My sciatica is better than it was, she said, but I should not sit 2 hours like I did and got much worse in February. She said I have to change my life. Can't visit family.

The Dr. I saw about my chest x-ray was obnoxious. I felt like I was in Twilight Zone, if any of you besides unaluna know what that TV show was! He smiled and said it's anxiety and I should see someone. Yet he gave me the order for heart monitor. He made a reference to something I never said. He was probably reading notes my regular Dr. wrote. Then he just walked out! I've never felt so invalidated in my life!

T said "You're the boss of you." But I agreed to a referral from her. A pdoc woman who specializes in geriatrics.
I see T today. She's been great, answering my many emails.

I'm weaning off gabapentin. I hope I can do it.

Omg omg thank you a certain PC friend who actually pointed out what BCM"s quilt pattern was O_O

I had no idea and didn't recognise it.

Backup T was okay. I talked through an ongoing issue in my relationship with Regular T that she and I haven't been able to resolve in the last year, despite many conversations about it. I wanted Backup T to have deep insights like Regular T would, but her response didn't quite have enough meat on it. It was warm and kind but felt a little Therapy 101. It was still useful to lay out the thing with Regular T and talk about how it connects to painful core self stuff that's rooted in my past. I don't know if the session really resolved much, but it was better than not having therapy at all this week. I'm also interested to see how Regular T responds after hearing the summary of the conversation from Backup T.

Backup T also kind of did a "clutch the pearls" thing when I mentioned one of the more emotionally devastating things my mom told me when I was younger. That's always satisfying because I still can't quite grasp whether the way she treated me was really that bad or not.

4 more hours to go at work. I can do this! In just 4 hours I can head home, take a shower and eat then go to bed. Also why did the weather jump from a beautiful 75 yesterday to almost 90 today!? Geez. Its hot as heck out.

I'm doing 2 different projects at work right now in addition to my normal duties. Never a dull moment! Since I didn't get the work at home thing (per my boss due to very few slots available and the part of our team here in my city is already at 75% work at home due to they all already were before getting this position), he's looking into moving me to a quieter place. The team I sit by now is SO loud it's hard to focus. I'll be fine with that!