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#26
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Sister, I feel like I've got everyone afraid to add a comment now incase I get even more mad/frustrated LOL!. In response to your statement, yes proberbly I am also angry that my internal state was triggered. I think it all ties in together, and actually I so want me and T to disconnect some more because I'm being force to find my connectedness inside of me at this moment. I am being forced to rely on my own sense of right and wrong for me. I am being forced to realise that not everyone is going to make my life go smoothly and I am being forced to find a way to soothe myself and build my own self worth. I pity T on monday, I so want to get right into this subject BIG TIME! I can feel my old beliefs crumbling as I talk and argue and scream and cry about this! I want freedom from the chains of sameness that hold me!
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
#27
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I hope it's OK for me to say-- that I think you are doing fabulous hard work!!
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> I'm being force to find my connectedness inside of me at this moment. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I think this is HUGE and very insightful of you to see that! </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> I am being forced to realise that not everyone is going to make my life go smoothly and I am being forced to find a way to soothe myself and build my own self worth. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> soothing ones self is such an important key to inner peace and healing(IMO). (I'm struggling with this myself ![]() Go Mouse and Go Mouse's T.!!!!!! I'm here cheering!! ![]() All the best to you, mandy |
#28
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What indeed! Yes Echoes you were spot on. T said I think something more went on then just missintunement here on friday. I said I think so too, but not sure exactly what. T said that she felt the need on Friday to get her point across to me and make me be what she wanted me to be and see. She said just like your adoptive mother tried to make you be what she wanted you to be. I said yes I think that is true. I said there is a kind of relief that it happened.
T said when I first started therapy with her 3yrs ago, at first she wasn't completely sure that I would keep turning up, sheh felt I may just disappear, like my mother disapppeared, but how today I came back even though fridays session went very wrong. I said thats because I trust you, T said yes but you didn't in the beginning. I said I can't remember. I wasn't quite grasping all of the importance of todays session and will bring it up again on friday. I guess I just feel good that we survived a session that went wrong. I now have that experience!
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
#29
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And you got legitimately, personally angry at your T and disagreed with her and she didn't abandon you, disappear, or throw you out. You stood up for yourself and the "bad" things fled through talking it out. The bad things left, you didn't have to.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
#30
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Mouse_ said: Echoes, I know all that. My problem is that I can't feel that way. Everyone keeps telling me the same thing but in a different way. What I'm saying is I don't want to feel like my life is in danger everytime someone disagrees with me. To me it feels like a death and I don't know why! I feel so shakey inside thinking about this topic now! I am afraid that I am never going to get past it. I want to be able to smile at someone with an interested look and ask why they feel this way or that. Instead of feeling like I've just been shot and need to run for cover. IT IS NOT FUN! |
#31
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Dont' know why my response is part of the 'quote'.
Here's my reply: Oh Mouse! I am here to tell you things will get better, the sun is ashining yonder.... You will eventually find balance, and you WILL be able to look at another with an inquisitive face, and say, "...so why do you think it was ok to murder your parent?" I speak from experience, been there done that. This will sort itself out in due time. In the meantime, come here and vent. I totally get you! If someone didn't agree with my 'sacred' worldview I would dismiss them totally! They had no place in my life! Hang in there! |
#32
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Ouch. I'm sorry if I offended you.
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#33
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Mouse it sounds like you're feeling better and I'm so glad.
Things like this are so hard, hard to deal with the feelings and sometimes it's like that word that's on the tip of your tongue but you can't remember. Something is 'there' but won't fully reveal itself, won't be realized or remembered. It's out of reach, but seem within our grasp. Very hard, frustrating. T sounds so proud of you. You sound more sure of your trust. Lots to celebrate, including and especially: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> I guess I just feel good that we survived a session that went wrong. I now have that experience! </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> |
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