[MRT6211]

So I did one of those awful things yesterday...we had about 1-2 minutes of our session left, and I started crying by accident. I literally just had my voice break and I started crying and I immediately went “F***, I’m sorry” when it happened. T just helped me wrap up as much as possible in that time, she had somewhere she needed to be immediately after session (she was running a group). I felt so bad because I know that’s always bad for client and T alike.
And then also, so my T does this thing for me where I send her my journals and she reads them and comments on them, and usually she does so before our appointment so we both know what we’re going to talk about. Occasionally she doesn’t have time to do this extra thing for me, though. When she doesn’t, even though logically I know that she wants to and she still cares about me and she’s going out of her way/above and beyond to help me, it still makes me feel neglected and down. So this happened yesterday, and I just didn’t know how to talk about what I needed to talk about in that moment.
I left session feeling like I didn’t get the emotional release that I needed. And I never leave session that way, so it really bummed me out. Today has been better at least, still ruminating on yesterday, though...

[Deejay14]

Sometimes we don't get exactly what we need out of therapy sessions and that gets compounded when we go into therapy really needing the best to happen and it doesn't, but it sounds like you have a very good relationship with her. Is there a way you can contact her and tell her what you need, because it seems like she would hear you and try to make sure you get what you need. If you're ruminating a lot still it would be tough to have to sit with this for a week. It also might be good to journal about this experience.

[SalingerEsme]

Sorry you had a bad ending to your session, and a rough start too with her not reading the journal. It is really hard to sit with a difficult session for days and a week. My T likes that that happens or seems to find it is educational /good for the client to learn to sit with something and know it will be talked about at an appropriate time in person. Saying that, I feel like quitting lol over that kind of talking down.

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs, I've been there. Sometimes it's there's something I want to talk about but can't bring myself to do it, then suddenly it's almost end of session and I realize I won't have time, so then the tears come. This happened at times with ex-marriage counselor. And a few times with current T--he probably wondered what was up with me crying randomly near the end when we were talking about something that didn't seem very important. (I think I did explain to him the next session after one of those that if I'm randomly crying, it's likely because there's something I want to express/talk about, but am too scared to. So maybe ask about the tears, though not as helpful if at end of session...) Are you able to e-mail your T between sessions?

[skeksi]

When that happens to me I feel so...on edge between the sessions. It helps me to think through what I want to say next time—lots of mental therapy sessions—so I can jump right in the next week.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by MRT6211

So I did one of those awful things yesterday...we had about 1-2 minutes of our session left, and I started crying by accident. I literally just had my voice break and I started crying and I immediately went “F***, I’m sorry” when it happened. T just helped me wrap up as much as possible in that time, she had somewhere she needed to be immediately after session (she was running a group). I felt so bad because I know that’s always bad for client and T alike.

And then also, so my T does this thing for me where I send her my journals and she reads them and comments on them, and usually she does so before our appointment so we both know what we’re going to talk about. Occasionally she doesn’t have time to do this extra thing for me, though. When she doesn’t, even though logically I know that she wants to and she still cares about me and she’s going out of her way/above and beyond to help me, it still makes me feel neglected and down. So this happened yesterday, and I just didn’t know how to talk about what I needed to talk about in that moment.

I left session feeling like I didn’t get the emotional release that I needed. And I never leave session that way, so it really bummed me out. Today has been better at least, still ruminating on yesterday, though...

I sent my old therapist 3,000+ pages weekly. I sent them via USPS because I could not carry those pages. He later told me he had no way to stay abreast of such a bounty.

Therapy sessions are like normal-people sex: occasional and very occasionally great. You’re not gonna have that kind of finish all the time. Sometimes conversation ends when you’d prefer to continue. You just have to accept that it’s as true in therapy as it is in life.

C'est la vie.

[MRT6211]

So today I had a big thing happen in my life (if you’ve read my previous posts about going back to school and being forced to do directly supervised urine drug screens, I’m happy to report that it looks like I am definitely going back to school in July, and they found an alternative to supervising me directly during the urine drug screens. Thank god.), and when they did, I reached out to T via email because I was very excited to tell her. She had been telling me for weeks/months now that it would all work out soon enough, etc., but I was staying in a very pessimistic place. So here was our exchange after I told her the news:

T: “I'm having this moment of… wait for it…. TOLD YOU SO!! Congrats! I'm happy too! This is great news! I'm proud of you!”
Me: “I literally KNEW you were going to say that...but thank you, for everything. “
T: “Nothing to thank me for. You did it. Lesson of the day: faith.”

That little exchange warmed my heart and made me feel very connected to T again, which I think is a lot of what I wanted and needed from that session. I really like our relationship because T teases me (and I give it right back) and and we have fun a lot and I feel like she really understands me. I really feel like our relationship is special. I’m in a program, so she’s my T for sessions and also does groups, so I see how she interacts with her other clients. She definitely has different relationships with each one of us, and I think it’s really cool.
I have a group tomorrow, not with her, but most likely I’ll see her around tomorrow. I hope so, at least. I really want to share the excitement in person, too.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by MRT6211

So today I had a big thing happen in my life (if you’ve read my previous posts about going back to school and being forced to do directly supervised urine drug screens, I’m happy to report that it looks like I am definitely going back to school in July, and they found an alternative to supervising me directly during the urine drug screens. Thank god.), and when they did, I reached out to T via email because I was very excited to tell her. She had been telling me for weeks/months now that it would all work out soon enough, etc., but I was staying in a very pessimistic place. So here was our exchange after I told her the news:

T: “I'm having this moment of… wait for it…. TOLD YOU SO!! Congrats! I'm happy too! This is great news! I'm proud of you!”
Me: “I literally KNEW you were going to say that...but thank you, for everything. “
T: “Nothing to thank me for. You did it. Lesson of the day: faith.”

That little exchange warmed my heart and made me feel very connected to T again, which I think is a lot of what I wanted and needed from that session. I really like our relationship because T teases me (and I give it right back) and and we have fun a lot and I feel like she really understands me. I really feel like our relationship is special. I’m in a program, so she’s my T for sessions and also does groups, so I see how she interacts with her other clients. She definitely has different relationships with each one of us, and I think it’s really cool.
I have a group tomorrow, not with her, but most likely I’ll see her around tomorrow. I hope so, at least. I really want to share the excitement in person, too.

Oy, vey. I think that it’s great that your therapist is happy for you, but comments like “I really think our relationship is special,” is a giant hole for many. You’re thinking that your therapist is your friend. She isn’t. She’s a paid professional. She probably just forgot her happiness for you, seconds after writing of it.

I feel like I need to take over the discussion concerning therapists. They do far, far, far greater good than harm; they’re professionals — they attend school to learn a profession which they later practice and probably have the same degree of happiness for you as for any patient/client.

You may have to pay — and need to know this upfront — your therapist’s full fee. Maybe you have an insurance co-pay or your insurance may gulp the whole box of wax. That you usually pay for a service or good with specific needs is testament to the way that we should react (or not) to the fact that (I hope) you are paying an educated professional for a service. The service is rendered in privacy, becoming a time to speak in private to this professional, speak of matters so diverse that they cannot be counted.

Shrinks wouldn’t make it through the day acknowledging each patient/client who have no appointment. They aren’t magicians or lovers. I think what they do best is to arrange a kind of problem puzzle in larger, more manageable pieces. To point out the obvious faulty thinking, “you tell me this, I think thus to be true, I should listen to you.” I couldn’t do it. 1) I dance with lucidity and oftentimes cannot do but shuffle and 2) I’m just not smart enough to do the work of, say, an MD/Shrink or PhD/psychologist. Clinicians.

I think that it’s time to say just what we mean by psychotherapy. I don’t think we’ll find a horde of romancer’s — I hope not.

[MRT6211]

Originally Posted by amicus_curiae

Oy, vey. I think that it’s great that your therapist is happy for you, but comments like “I really think our relationship is special,” is a giant hole for many. You’re thinking that your therapist is your friend. She isn’t. She’s a paid professional. She probably just forgot her happiness for you, seconds after writing of it.

I feel like I need to take over the discussion concerning therapists. They do far, far, far greater good than harm; they’re professionals — they attend school to learn a profession which they later practice and probably have the same degree of happiness for you as for any patient/client.

You may have to pay — and need to know this upfront — your therapist’s full fee. Maybe you have an insurance co-pay or your insurance may gulp the whole box of wax. That you usually pay for a service or good with specific needs is testament to the way that we should react (or not) to the fact that (I hope) you are paying an educated professional for a service. The service is rendered in privacy, becoming a time to speak in private to this professional, speak of matters so diverse that they cannot be counted.

Shrinks wouldn’t make it through the day acknowledging each patient/client who have no appointment. They aren’t magicians or lovers. I think what they do best is to arrange a kind of problem puzzle in larger, more manageable pieces. To point out the obvious faulty thinking, “you tell me this, I think thus to be true, I should listen to you.” I couldn’t do it. 1) I dance with lucidity and oftentimes cannot do but shuffle and 2) I’m just not smart enough to do the work of, say, an MD/Shrink or PhD/psychologist. Clinicians.

I think that it’s time to say just what we mean by psychotherapy. I don’t think we’ll find a horde of romancer’s — I hope not.

While you’re entitled to your opinion, I feel your view is extremely pessimistic and also simply untrue in my case. If you knew the great lengths that this woman has gone for me, all outside do session, without being paid extra, then you would never say that. Yes, T and I aren’t friends and our relationship is professional and someday will end, but we have a very special and friendly relationship right now, and we like to joke and laugh with each other. I’m in a program where the Ts get to practice rather atypically, in that they get to self-disclose a lot more and are more down to earth. The therapeutic relationship in this case is a lot less one-sided. By that, I mean I know a lot of personal information about my T, which helps me relate to her.
Overall, I don’t see the problem with feeling close to T, because yes, she might get paid to do this, but she gets paid very minimally considering all of the work she does, and she doesn’t get paid extra when she does more work. She’s fixed salary. And I know for a fact that she cares beyond just our sessions. I’m not going to sit here and give you 100s of examples, because I don’t feel the need to justify myself to you. But I think all Ts care beyond just their sessions. The relationship may be artificial, but the caring is real.