T just called.

He said he was calling to see how I was doing because he knew how hurt I was, judging by yesterday's message.

He said that he also called to let me know that there is no reason why I couldn't come and see him at his other office.

Oh.

Why couldn't he %#@&#! tell me that yeterday????? %#@&#!.

Actually his exact wording was, "Why couldn't you come and see me at my other office?"

I %#@&#! hate when he does that!!! He is such a damn therapist so he has to formulate everything into a casual-sounding question as if I already %#@&#! knew that I had the option to see him at his other office.

He said, "It's farther and you'd have to drive there, but there is no reason why we couldn't do that."

Then he said:

"You can always come and see me wherever I am."

I realize that was an absolutely beautiful statement for him to make, but unfortunately, I am in so much pain right now it has no effect on me whatsoever.

Then he said, "You feel like I'm going to leave you so you think it would be easier for you to walk out on me first."

He told me how he didn't want me to leave therapy, blah, blah, blah and how he wasn't going anywhere, blah, blah, but he knew that it doesn't matter if he tells me because the feelings are still there and we need to talk about that, and how it doesn't only exist in our relationship, but in other areas of my life as well.

I told him that I thought by now I'd feel some type of healing, but it just keeps getting more painful. I told him that right now I can honestly say that I wish I never started and that it hurts me so much to not be able to pick out something positive other than I'm so attached to him that it's painful.

For some reason I don't feel any better. I guess I'm just so deep in whatever it is that I'm going through that it's going to take a lot more to pull me out.

Pinksoil!

Good lord. You should kick his ***!!!

How did he not know that? Why did he not say that? Etc etc? GEEZ.

I wish I could smack him upside the head.

But I'm glad you'll be able to keep seeing him. I'd feel like crap too, even after getting that news. It's just hard to break out of the rotten feeling once you're enmeshed in it. But you will. And you guys will be able to talk this through and work on it. It will get better for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

After I had to change jobs I went from having a 10-minute commute to T to a 45-minute one (if I'm lucky and traffic doesn't suck). That part blows but it's totally worth it...

Sidony

Pink right now email that exchange to my T...!!!

At least it is cleared up though...