[lauren_helene]

Last session was difficult for me in that we are changing course apparently and I'm reading up on Existentialism...

This is scary stuff for me because it seems that the past abuse and pain that I went through should now be somthing I "get over".

I've made some bad decisions lately and have suffered some consequences and I can see that this type of therapy is more confronting and T will be less empathetic and more directive.

For example, the session that I sort of freaked out and had some awareness as well as crying etc. I told him that I appreciated how he has connected with me at certain times and I hold on to that.

Well, last session, we talked about how I test my dad, husband and T so they continually prove that they care about me. I said 'well, you handled that better than they do' and he said
'well, I'm trained in it'.

It just hit me last night that I feel like he took away the moments we had of our connection that I hold on to. Now it feels like to me that all of that was just another technique he used and it meant nothing.

So I crashed and cried uncontrollably. My p-doc gave me Seroquel to take at bedtime for a crisis and I did. It helped me sleep but of course, I'm sitting here wondering should I be learning from this or was this a slip on his part?

I will talk about this on Wednesday for sure but he is acting different towards me now and more clinical...he talks now about how I work hard in therapy and mentions 'work' in general much more than he used to.

I want to say stop it!! This may be work to you but this is my life and it is personal to me.

Am I making sense here?

[Rapunzel]

Yes, you are making sense. When we find someone who knows how to respond to us and make us feel connected and cared about, we don't want to hear that that person is just doing his job that he was trained for. We want real relationships with real people who are actually part of our lives and really do care about us. When he said that he was trained in responding that way to you, it must have felt like it was more his training and his profession responding to you than him as a person, and it felt less real. Am I close there?

I don't think that it is less real though, and I am sure that he didn't mean to have you think that he cares any less. A lot of the training to be a therapist involves learning communication skills, such as listening better and understanding what someone is really saying and feeling, and also how to show the person that we get their message, understand it, and accept it. Some therapists were always natural good listeners, and others may even have had deficits in those skills. Personally, I find that I use those listening skills that are being taught to me quite a bit, because it is a more effective way to communicate than what I had before. It doesn't mean that I care any less though, just that I learned how to show empathy better than I could before. I'm sure that your T really does care about you too, and that the connection is real. He is a real person. Maybe what he hoped for you to understand is that the other people in your life, who haven't had that training, may also care as much as T does, but they haven't learned how to show it.

Well, you can ask T what he meant, but there's my twist on it. I hope that you do tell your T how you felt, and ask him what he meant for you to understand. Maybe he was trying to be modest, and maybe it was a bit of a slip, but still something that can contribute to your growth if you bring it up.

TC,
Rap

[pachyderm]

It is important to me to feel that my therapist is trained and otherwise able to handle stuff that goes on. I get panicky when I feel he doesn't know enough.

[ECHOES]

((( almeda24fan )))

But you are connected. It is still very real.

He sought the training he needed to be sure he could connect well with you. He really wants to be able to connect well so he made sure he learned what he needed to do that.

Could you see his comment as optimistic... that he can help you to train your dad and husband to be there for you too.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
almeda24fan said:
Last session was difficult for me in that we are changing course apparently

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">"Apparently" makes it sound like it is a surprise to you that you are changing, rather then something deliberate your T and you have agreed on. ?? Are you surprised? Do you know why the change?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
This is scary stuff for me because it seems that the past abuse and pain that I went through should now be somthing I "get over".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It sounds like you feel you should be over the past abuse. Why do you think so? Sounds like you are pressuring yourself to be somewhere you're not. If you are not over it, then maybe you need to work on it more?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I can see that this type of therapy is more confronting and T will be less empathetic and more directive

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">What is "this type of therapy"? A particular approach? Was it a joint decision that you and T are trying this new approach? Sounds exciting but scary too. I hear undertones in what you write that maybe you don't want this new approach? Sorry if that is wrong!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I said 'well, you handled that better than they do' and he said 'well, I'm trained in it'.

It just hit me last night that I feel like he took away the moments we had of our connection that I hold on to. Now it feels like to me that all of that was just another technique he used and it meant nothing.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I don't hear that at all in his words. He is just telling you he is an expert at that, which is a good thing. It's just like my siggy: "Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." Just because they are expert doesn't mean the relationships have no meaning and aren't real. From all you have written in your posts, it seems to me your relationship with your T is meaningful and real.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I want to say stop it!! This may be work to you but this is my life and it is personal to me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Wow, I totally get that! Can you say that to him? It sounds like his new manner with you is more impersonal and that must hurt if you have previously had a more casual and friendly way of interacting. I can see that it would seem like he is pushing you away. Do you know why he is doing that? Do you think it is unconscious? Deliberate? Is this new way of interacting something he learned in a recent class, something he is doing with all of his clients?

[lauren_helene]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rapunzel said:
Yes, you are making sense. When we find someone who knows how to respond to us and make us feel connected and cared about, we don't want to hear that that person is just doing his job that he was trained for. We want real relationships with real people who are actually part of our lives and really do care about us. When he said that he was trained in responding that way to you, it must have felt like it was more his training and his profession responding to you than him as a person, and it felt less real. Am I close there?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

You are right on the mark and because those connections have meant a lot to me, they were real and now I realize they are not real...not really anyway...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[lauren_helene]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
almeda24fan said:
Last session was difficult for me in that we are changing course apparently

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">"Apparently" makes it sound like it is a surprise to you that you are changing, rather then something deliberate your T and you have agreed on. ?? Are you surprised? Do you know why the change?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

No, I haven't asked him directly why. In fact, it never occurred to me to get his agreement on my course of action because I don't have a clue what his job should be. Although, your point is well taken that I need to ask more questions about this since I am a bit hesitant.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
This is scary stuff for me because it seems that the past abuse and pain that I went through should now be somthing I "get over".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It sounds like you feel you should be over the past abuse. Why do you think so? Sounds like you are pressuring yourself to be somewhere you're not. If you are not over it, then maybe you need to work on it more?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Oh just in the stuff I'm reading on Existential therapy...I read something about accountability for our symptoms that we create...obviously T can tell me more about this than my imagination should come up with.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I can see that this type of therapy is more confronting and T will be less empathetic and more directive

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">What is "this type of therapy"? A particular approach? Was it a joint decision that you and T are trying this new approach? Sounds exciting but scary too. I hear undertones in what you write that maybe you don't want this new approach? Sorry if that is wrong!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

He definitely did change last session. Probably because I have regressed and made some really bad decisions and had enough paranoia going on to warrant some Seroquel when needed. Maybe he is afraid that he isn't helping me or something by being friendly...again this is me trying to determine what he is thinking. I need to stop that!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I said 'well, you handled that better than they do' and he said 'well, I'm trained in it'.

It just hit me last night that I feel like he took away the moments we had of our connection that I hold on to. Now it feels like to me that all of that was just another technique he used and it meant nothing.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I don't hear that at all in his words. He is just telling you he is an expert at that, which is a good thing. It's just like my siggy: "Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." Just because they are expert doesn't mean the relationships have no meaning and aren't real. From all you have written in your posts, it seems to me your relationship with your T is meaningful and real.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I want to say stop it!! This may be work to you but this is my life and it is personal to me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Wow, I totally get that! Can you say that to him? It sounds like his new manner with you is more impersonal and that must hurt if you have previously had a more casual and friendly way of interacting. I can see that it would seem like he is pushing you away. Do you know why he is doing that? Do you think it is unconscious? Deliberate? Is this new way of interacting something he learned in a recent class, something he is doing with all of his clients?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Oh I just remembered too that he is basing some of this decision on the Pink cd I had him listen to that I said is how I really feel and can't express it to him. That is when he used the term Existential Angst...

Angst = Anxiety and you can bet I have it more now that we are going this way!

[lauren_helene]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ECHOES said:
((( almeda24fan )))

But you are connected. It is still very real.

He sought the training he needed to be sure he could connect well with you. He really wants to be able to connect well so he made sure he learned what he needed to do that.

Could you see his comment as optimistic... that he can help you to train your dad and husband to be there for you too.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I will certainly try Echoes...thanks!