Do you email your T?

skeksi · Jun 14, 2018, 04:41 PM

I can, but I choose not to, generally. We’ve had one or two exchanges when I “forgot” (dissociated) something intense we were discussing and I asked him to reiterate the main points. I don’t feel like we are connected or having a mutual conversation via email so I use it rarely, bu I like having the option available.

Echos Myron redux · Jun 14, 2018, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lrad123

Thank you for reassuring me that I’m normal. He is a psychodynamic therapist specializing in relationship issues so I’d assume he’s dealt with attachment issues before, but I guess I’m not sure. He has pretty clear boundaries around email written in the introductory info he gave me when we first met. He specifically says he’ll respond Mon-Thurs during working hours. I sort of boldly (for me anyway) asked why he won’t respond on weekends as that seems to be when I need him most. I already understand that he deserves a break from work and shouldn’t be required to be there for me 24/7, but was interested in hearing how he’d respond. I was surprised that he seemed uncomfortable with that question and I even asked him if my question made him uncomfortable to which he replied, “yes,” saying that no one had ever asked him that before. He almost seemed like he started to talk himself into saying that there may be a possibility that he’d make an exception for me, but I felt uncomfortable with that and changed the subject. I’m not sure he would ever really do that, but I know he thinks I have “relational trauma” as he calls it and am very independent, not comfortable asking for help, etc, so maybe that’s why.

You're welcome, I would just add that "may be a possibility that he would make an exception" is just way too fuzzy and vague for this type of work in my opinion and I would seek clarity on exactly what you can expect and when.
Well done for challenging him, I imagine that wasn't easy and I am glad he admitted he was uncomfortable. I think that congruence is important, though he really needs to make a clear, collaborative decision with you about what out of session contact will look like for you, and avoiding the subject isn't going to help either of you. Good luck, it sounds like you have a good idea of your needs and how to ask for them, even though it's difficult for you.

stopdog · Jun 14, 2018, 05:57 PM

I would write and send as mail or email. I used it to get stuff away from me rather than because I wanted to engage with the therapist. I did not want the therapist to respond necessarily.

Jun 14, 2018, 06:06 PM

All the time. We live in different countries so email is a good way to communicate. We also text and call.

JaneTennison1 · Jun 14, 2018, 06:20 PM

T told me other people email her or text her, I do neither. I think over 18 months we have exchanged 4 emails. My last T used my emails against me during a complaints process and I swore I would never give anyone that power again.

I see nothing wrong with email and neither does my T, I just choose not to.

ruh roh · Jun 14, 2018, 06:55 PM

Yes, I email. It's been established from the start that she won't always reply, but that I can email as needed. I find it really helpful.

velcro003 · Jun 14, 2018, 07:00 PM

I e-mail, and my T has reassured me over and over that it is okay. She can't respond to all of my e-mails, but ones that are urgent she replies rather quickly. She keeps telling me I am a good writer (i don't believe her), and it is a way for me to tell her things that I have trouble saying face to face.

I know other clients text her (i only ocassionally do), so I am assuming they e-mail her as well.

fille_folle · Jun 15, 2018, 12:30 AM

I don't have my T's email address, so no, I don't email her. I do have a constant craving to text her, but I mostly keep that under control. I did have a recent bout of texting, but I am stopping that because I think she was irritated. I thought I was supposed to contact her if I felt a certain way, but I think I was maybe wrong and won't do it again. I can't let that needy part of me bother her. I have to wait for my turn in session so she will like me.

I'm having a very childlike thought process at the moment.

Merope · Jun 15, 2018, 02:09 AM

Sometimes I do. It’s mostly about appointments but lately I sent him a few “these are my feelings—can we talk about this next session” sort of emails. With scheduling emails, he replies the same day, usually within hours. With the longer emails he sometimes replies to acknowledge them, or to add an extra layer of something to them, and sometimes doesn’t reply at all. At first, the lack of a reply made me feel super anxious, but when I addressed it, he said he welcomes these sort of emails even if he doesn’t always have time to reply. I try not to do it too often—maybe once every 5-6 weeks or so.

healinginprogress · Jun 15, 2018, 09:41 AM

Yeah, some times a lot, some weeks nothing. I didn't email for like, the first year except for scheduling. It's now evolved into more. Most of the time, she doesn't answer, but that was established from the start.

Menu

Do you email your T?

My Support Forums