[sinking]

For the first time ever, 3 weeks ago i spoke with my T about my struggles with food. except for the first time i mentioned it, she has been dismissive and invalidating. she even said im too aware of myself for having an ED and that my weight (im already underweight) is the last of her worries.

i felt hurt, abandoned, not understood and invalidated. it was important for me 1)because it was the first time ever i dared to talk about it and 2)because food is all can think about all day and it doesnt let me sleep at night. it is a huige issues for me and she didnt get it.

i've been considering what to do with her for the days afterwards. i think i'll either avoid that subject again or i'll quit. im tired of feeling misunderstood, invalidated and as if anything going against the idea she has of me is something to minimize because it doesnt fit the "me" she sees. she is not helping me, she is slowly killing me again and again.

what do you think?

[mindmechanic]

It probably wouldn't be helpful to you and the therapeutic relationship if you avoid the subject; that's like sweeping it under the rug. That said, however, if you've been seeing this therapist for some time and came to trust her, it makes sense for you to want to avoid it out of fear that she would further invalidate you and your feelings. That would hurt even more than the first time she invalidated you. If I'm your situation, I'd choose to bring it up. Tell her that why this subject is important to you, and how her previous response made you feel. If she still doesn't get it, she's not worth your time or money.

[SummerTime12]

I’m so sorry your t was invalidating. I have an eating disorder and I’d be very hurt by that response also. You can definitely be self aware and still have an eating disorder — I know what I’m doing isn’t good but that doesn’t make it have any less power over me. Could it be worth consulting with another t? One thing to consider is that many Ts do not have experience with EDs or even if they do, their understanding is limited. Looking for someone who specializes in treating eating disorders might be helpful (even if your t specializes I’d probably at least try one session with another). My t I first disclosed to dismissed my eating issues a lot, but then I found a different t who helped me so much. Just some thoughts! I hope everything works out.

[MoxieDoxie]

So invalidating! I told a T once I was having paranoid thoughts and he said if I was aware of them then I could not have them. I am in recovery for Bulimia and I am not sure if I could stay with a therapist if they dismissed me the way your T did with you.

I would confront your T with exactly what you wrote in this post as if you have to avoid a subject with a therapist because their stance makes you feel invalidated, not understood and triggers feelings of abandonment, then they can not be trusted in other areas that might arise in therapy.

[velcro003]

Ugh, that is terrible! My T specializes in eating disorders, so I know for a fact she would NEVER dismiss my thoughts on food. If anything she is super attuned to me and food. I do have issues, and have lost weight, and she keeps mentioning it, and I keep avoiding the topic. ha.

also, that is insane that you can't be self-aware and not have an ED. Give me a break!

I dont have any advice but I am just really sorry that happened. What an awful feeling when someone doesnt take your concerns seriously.

[sinking]

Thank you all for your support.

The whole thing happened in 3 times:
1) we casually brought food issues up and it was ok and sheseemed concerned.
2) we breiefly mentioned it again and she seems dismissing
3) i sent her a long email to explain what the situation isreally like and slightly implying the previous time she made me feelinvalidated.
Then, during this 3rd session, she kept invalidating me even more, even if i told her this was a secret i was talking about for the firsttime and it doesnt let me sleep. This is serious to me. But seemed nothing toher. She kept saying im too aware to have an ED and my weight is the last ofher problem. she even said i seemed playing a role in what i had written, as if she didnt believe i wrote the truth!

So this is why im having problems bringing it up alla gain. Ialready did it very specifically and at great lenght in the email and that wasthe outcome. I doubt she realizes what she does. She even went so far astelling that “I” invalidate myself. But i never talked about it, not even withmy ex T because i was afraid of feeling dismissed and not take seriosuly and invalidated.Something that HAS HAPPENED!!!!

And it is not the first time we have arguments like this. Shecan see where im more vulnerable and instead of talking about it tactfully shesomehow comes out as accusing me of lying or exaggerating. Making me feelingtotally invalidated.

Sinking, she doesn't seem like a good therapist. She shouldn't be dismissive and invalidating.

Any option to change T?

[mote.of.soul]

I really don't know what you should do in such a situation sinking, but if it was me I really wouldn't be able to handle it. It's like the T is saying 'I don't trust you' - to me. And that's not grounds for a relationship.

[guilloche]

I have to agree with QuietMind... she doesn't sound like a very good T. Being invalidating about *anything* seems so far from what a T should be doing. Supporting... curious... helping... caring... maybe some hard honesty from time to time, but invalidating to me feels judgmental. It's telling you that your reality is wrong... and that that just seems so terrible for a T to do.

Has she been helpful with anything? Have you thought about trying someone else?

[sinking]

Yes, but im afraid "I" lead her to not fully believe me. its complicated, but still…. i hate that she can see she is invalidating me and still keeps doing it over and over. as if she liked it.