[SarahSweden]

I had a rather strange dream about my current T who I mostly like very much. This is how I remember the dream:


I came into my T:s office early in the morning and met with a colleague who said she would be around 15 minutes late. When she arrives and I meet with her she sits in her chair and smokes! She doesn´t greet me and she isn´t caring and attentive. She merely looks at me but keeps looking in some kind of calendar. She also looks wore down and tired.


As she acts like this I decide to leave and I suddenly sit with her "colleague" instead. I say to him that my therapist won´t bother if I don´t meet with her again but he tells me she will.

Suddenly I´m walking in my old home town thinking of my therapist and that something must have happened to her and that's why she sat their smoking and acting odd. I also think that it´s not that hard to have left just after a few minutes as there must have been something with her.

After that I probably woke up.


Some comments to how my T is in reality:

She doesn´t smoke or use nicotine in any form what I know of. She´s always rather good-looking, a bit of make-up and such. She never uses a calendar or a notepad. She doesn´t have any therapist colleagues where I meet with her. I have no clue who the male colleague in the dream could be. I never see my T in the mornings, only in the afternoons.

What could this dream mean?

[Perna]

What an interesting dream, SarahSweden, thank you for sharing it! It probably would be most helpful if you could share it with your therapist as it is about you and her relationship and therapy, etc. probably. I have a couple thoughts that might help you?

That you were suddenly walking in your old home town and that you were meeting your therapist in the "morning" might mean that the dream is about a situation that took place when you were younger/lived in your old home town; what issues were you and your therapist discussing last or what have you been thinking of that might have to do with that era/place/people in that place?

Do you have anyone in your past who smoked or put up a "smoke screen" were inattentive, you were afraid to "disturb" because they were preoccupied with something else, etc.?

That the other colleague was a male; might be mother/father sort of dualism (was your father more caring than your mother or are the roles reversed or anything?) or it could just be you are looking for/finding "balance" in some subject you and your T are working on? You have a preoccupied, unavailable female maybe trying to hide something behind a smoke screen (or smoking gun, smoldering/smoking fire/anger, smoke out -- force someone/you to tell all, etc. I don't know your personal meaning for her smoking, only you can do that association) and then you have the reassuring male colleague saying T really does care which you accept because in your home town you are thinking something must have happened to her, that there's a reason she's being/acting as she did.

That's another thought, you go from the male colleague (as-good-as your T) reassuring to the past/old home town and there accept there must be a reason your T is acting how she's acting. Do you have someone in your past who mistreated/ignored you that you have trouble with "understanding" and maybe are now getting glimmer of the thought that maybe it did not have anything to do with you, that they had their own problems/issues and maybe they really did care but that could not come through to you?

[SarahSweden]

Thanks for this.

The latest thing my T and I discussed was, among some other things, about my father and him being rather absent and not emotionally supportive to me. He still lives in that hometown I dreamt about.

I think I as a child didn´t want to show too much if I felt scared, lonely, sick or such. I remember just laying in my bed crying hoping for my mother to hear it. As a young teenager I was often afraid of getting sick and I sometimes thought I was. But I didn´t actually spoke that much about it and I think I also felt ashamed for crying and wanting her to hear me.

The personal meaning to me about my T smoking in that dream is that if she really did I would probably lose a lot of respect for her. She seems to live rather healthy and I never have suspected that she smokes. To smoke on rare occasions might be fine but living unhealthy is another thing. (To me that is and how I perceive my T)

I can´t really think of anyone that mistreated me and that I now as an adult understand didn´t mean to. I´m disappointed in both my parents and I don´t feel that close to them, perhaps my dream has something to do with that.

Perhaps my dream also is some kind of "worst case scenario" when it comes to my T as she´s now on vacation and a fear I have is that our relationship won´t be the same when she returns. It´s mostly a fear and I don´t think the realtionship actually will be altered in any substantial way when she returns from her vacation.

Originally Posted by Perna

What an interesting dream, SarahSweden, thank you for sharing it! It probably would be most helpful if you could share it with your therapist as it is about you and her relationship and therapy, etc. probably. I have a couple thoughts that might help you?

That you were suddenly walking in your old home town and that you were meeting your therapist in the "morning" might mean that the dream is about a situation that took place when you were younger/lived in your old home town; what issues were you and your therapist discussing last or what have you been thinking of that might have to do with that era/place/people in that place?

Do you have anyone in your past who smoked or put up a "smoke screen" were inattentive, you were afraid to "disturb" because they were preoccupied with something else, etc.?

That the other colleague was a male; might be mother/father sort of dualism (was your father more caring than your mother or are the roles reversed or anything?) or it could just be you are looking for/finding "balance" in some subject you and your T are working on? You have a preoccupied, unavailable female maybe trying to hide something behind a smoke screen (or smoking gun, smoldering/smoking fire/anger, smoke out -- force someone/you to tell all, etc. I don't know your personal meaning for her smoking, only you can do that association) and then you have the reassuring male colleague saying T really does care which you accept because in your home town you are thinking something must have happened to her, that there's a reason she's being/acting as she did.

That's another thought, you go from the male colleague (as-good-as your T) reassuring to the past/old home town and there accept there must be a reason your T is acting how she's acting. Do you have someone in your past who mistreated/ignored you that you have trouble with "understanding" and maybe are now getting glimmer of the thought that maybe it did not have anything to do with you, that they had their own problems/issues and maybe they really did care but that could not come through to you?

[Perna]

Ah, your T being away could have something to do with it and the worst case scenario thing. Fearing she'll change/be different/unrecognizable; I use to do that all the time. Too, with your views on healthy living; could be your anger at her for going away? The worst case there would be you wish her "dead"/unhealthy, like toddlers will their mother when they don't do what they want (your mother never came when you were crying/wishing for her)?

I remember once when my T told me she'd be away (she always had to give me a big lead time of several weeks so I could process it -- we had a year and a half lead time to termination :-) and I was fine in the session but then when I left to go home, I saw her car in the parking lot on the way to mine and instantly thought of slashing her tires and was shocked at the thought but realized where it came from and then it was kind of funny since I'm so not a tire slashing sort of person.

If it were my dream, I'd feel reassured that I was thinking it was okay that T was different as I walked around my home town. I'd be thinking that I, myself, am dealing with whatever the situation is and I'll be okay with whatever happens, that I can "take care of" myself (important for me when my T was away).

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Do you as well have dream like that, I mean where you imagine your T being different next time you see her or similar?

I don´t think that I have that kind of angry feelings towards her so I wish she´ll hurt herself by for example smoking. I think it might symbolize my fear that she´ll become more like my mum who lives rather unhealthy and from time to time she has a drinking problem. Hard to say.

The feeling I have towards my T now when she´s on holiday is more jealousy I guess, that she has a lot of things I don´t like a job, a family, a nice apartment and such and the fact that she´s able to travel. But not to the extent that I wish bad for her.


As you I think it´s a good thing to not feeling angry with her in the dream and to be able to walk around on my own. But to some extent this is also a behavior I often turn to, I tend to dismiss people that I feel unsure of or who I feel have hurt me instead of trying to do something about it. But it´s because I´ve experienced that too many times I think.

Originally Posted by Perna

Ah, your T being away could have something to do with it and the worst case scenario thing. Fearing she'll change/be different/unrecognizable; I use to do that all the time. Too, with your views on healthy living; could be your anger at her for going away? The worst case there would be you wish her "dead"/unhealthy, like toddlers will their mother when they don't do what they want (your mother never came when you were crying/wishing for her)?

I remember once when my T told me she'd be away (she always had to give me a big lead time of several weeks so I could process it -- we had a year and a half lead time to termination :-) and I was fine in the session but then when I left to go home, I saw her car in the parking lot on the way to mine and instantly thought of slashing her tires and was shocked at the thought but realized where it came from and then it was kind of funny since I'm so not a tire slashing sort of person.

If it were my dream, I'd feel reassured that I was thinking it was okay that T was different as I walked around my home town. I'd be thinking that I, myself, am dealing with whatever the situation is and I'll be okay with whatever happens, that I can "take care of" myself (important for me when my T was away).

Originally Posted by Perna

Ah, your T being away could have something to do with it and the worst case scenario thing. Fearing she'll change/be different/unrecognizable; I use to do that all the time. Too, with your views on healthy living; could be your anger at her for going away? The worst case there would be you wish her "dead"/unhealthy, like toddlers will their mother when they don't do what they want (your mother never came when you were crying/wishing for her)?

I remember once when my T told me she'd be away (she always had to give me a big lead time of several weeks so I could process it -- we had a year and a half lead time to termination :-) and I was fine in the session but then when I left to go home, I saw her car in the parking lot on the way to mine and instantly thought of slashing her tires and was shocked at the thought but realized where it came from and then it was kind of funny since I'm so not a tire slashing sort of person.

If it were my dream, I'd feel reassured that I was thinking it was okay that T was different as I walked around my home town. I'd be thinking that I, myself, am dealing with whatever the situation is and I'll be okay with whatever happens, that I can "take care of" myself (important for me when my T was away).

[coolibrarian]

Sarah, Do you ever discuss your dreams with your T? I don't mean just the ones about her.

[Fuzzybear]

((((( Sarah ))))) thanks for sharing this dream. Have you ever discussed any of your dreams with the therapist?

I’d be interested to know if she has much to say or just a standard theraspeak response