When do you give up?

Hi,

I've written here before about some of my recent experiences with counselors. I had been seeing a counselor with whom I had an excellent working relationship. We worked together for about three years. He moved away about 1 1/2 years ago. Since then, I have seen a number of other counselors and therapists, trying to find another one who seemed like it would be a good match. It's been hard. For one reason or another, none of the counselors have worked out, and I guess I've seen maybe 7 of them now. The past year especially has been rocky, with the worst depression I've probably had in my whole life, and I was in the hospital for depression several times over the winter. If the world were perfect, and I could meet a counselor that I could afford and reach by public transit, and all those pieces fell into place - it would probably be beneficial to be in counseling. I'm starting to wonder, though, about how long one continues to look for a counselor? I'm really disillusioned and discouraged with the process.

The last counselor was one I met about two months ago. We had the first session, which seemed okay. The next session wasn't very good. Then he went on vacation for three weeks. When he got back, I was extremely ill and went through weeks of medical testing. I was too sick to do three hours of travel each way to see him. He didn't seem interested that I was having medical problems. I tried to call and email to reschedule at a later point, and it took him a couple of weeks to respond. It didn't seem like he was interested in being involved in the counseling process, or that he cared at some level. I can understand being busy, or wanting to maintain some professional distance, but I think the counselor can at least respond to set up an appointment; after all, this is his livelihood. I decided to let that working relationship go for now. I didn't close the door permanently, but don't feel inclined to return for the moment. And with my health issues, to be honest, I'm really not up to that long of a commute on public transit right now anyway.

I'm almost inclined to try to handle things on my own for now, without the support of a mental health professional, but I think that is really problematic as well. I wish I had a better idea of what to do. I wish there were better answers.

Thanks for listening to me think out loud, I guess.

Take care,
ErinBear

I'm not sure what to say. I struggled with community mental health for around... oh... 10 years. I had a couple of good goes with people, admittedly. But most of the time people were only around for a couple months before they moved on. And people had a tendency to write things in my file that prospective clinician's would read and that would put them off wanting to work with me. I had to fight a battle after my first therapist terminated me to even get treatment at all. And then most of the treatment I got was with people who I could tell were unsuitable for me from the first session. Or the person would tell me on the first session that they were only going to be around for two or three months...

How much did trying to get treatment from them harm me more than help me? Hard to say... So very hard to say...

I'm so glad things aren't like that for me anymore, but they were like that for me for a very long time.

Seven isn't such a great number. I've heard people who have met with more like 10 or 12 before they found someone who they felt they could work well with. Maybe... Try a couple more before giving it a rest for a while??

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ErinBear))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry you are still struggling. I know this has been hard for you. I hope you don't give up as this is such an important thing for you right now. I don't know what the answer is other than to keep looking. Sometimes the "right" one is just around the corner. It is hard going through counselors as it can be discouraging. I hope the next one is the right fit.

BB

(((erinbear)))) I understand the commute issue. Can you find someone online to work with in the meantime? Having someone, even if virtually, to bounce off issues and struggles can make a real difference.

Dear Alexandra,

Thanks for your kind note. I'm sorry you had such a difficult time with the community mental health system. I wish it hadn't been that way for you! That sounds really hard. (((((Alexandra)))))) hugs if okay.

You said things were not like that for you now - I hope that means that you've found a better, more reliable counseling relationship at this point. Sending many good wishes your way.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and encouragement. I appreciate it.

Take care,
ErinBear

Hi Bipolar Bear,

Thank you for your note. Always good to be talking to another bear! : - )

Yes, I keep thinking that another potential counselor could be right around the corner. It could still be possible. I'm having a hard time even figuring out where to look any longer, and find one that is accessible both financially and in terms of public transit. I wish there were more counselors here in my local community. It's awkward. I'll keep thinking about it.

Thanks again.....

Take care,
ErinBear

Dear Sky,

I appreciate your reply. I have corresponded with an online counselor once in the past. That could be an option. If I did work with a counselor, I would still like to see a counselor in person best....I still think that's the ideal situation for me. But yes, that's a good thought for an occasional contact.

Thanks for thinking of me, and sharing your idea!

Take care,
ErinBear