[MRT6211]

My T gave me a hug for the second time in the 9 months I’ve been seeing her. It makes me really happy and feel really cared about when she hugs me. None of my previous Ts ever had any physical contact with me, not even a handshake. I like that T uses hugs kind of as a big reward/a way to show she’s very proud of me.

So...have you ever had a T that hugged you? If not, would you want them to?

[DP_2017]

It's been almost a year since we first did. We do every session. It's very healing for me

[NP_Complete]

No, but I could really use a hug from someone who cares. But I'm not sure if I'd actually want to do it. It might feel weird.

[stopdog]

I made the woman stay at least three feet from me at all times.

[Deejay14]

I only accept hugs from family and close friends. A therapist is neither of these, they are paid consultants.

Being in the same room as her is awkward enough some weeks, never mind her physically touching me.

[LonesomeTonight]

Ex-T (female) hugged me sometimes. It was a few years before she offered though. At first was just a "holiday hug" right before Christmas. Then she kind of would touch my arm or shoulder as I was leaving for regular sessions. Then if it had been a particular difficult session or we'd made up after a rupture, she'd offer. A couple times, I asked for one, but I was scared to (she said was always OK), but I didn't know how often it would be OK. I think over the course of 6 years (with no hugs first 3 or 4 years), we hugged maybe a total of 25 times?

Current T told me at the end of our first or second session that he's not a hugger, but would shake hands if the client wanted. So we shake hands after every session, which probably sounds really formal, but it's actually nice. It's a very warm handshake.

Ex-marriage counselor always shook hands at the end of session but never hugged (I used to want to ask him for one at termination, but...I didn't, especially because of how things fell out. I suspect he would have refused anyway).

[ruh roh]

No. It just isn't something that comes up in my mind. She tells me to hug myself, though, so if I ever did ask, the answer would probably be more along those lines.

[BonnieJean]

Yes. It was appropriate at that time in therapy. I don't want a hug anymore.

[lucozader]

Nah. I don't think it's something he would do and I don't think it'd really be appropriate for him to. There is a part of me that loves the idea but mostly I think the reality of it would be too weird.

[winterblues17]

No she hasn't. She's never offered and I've never asked even at times I've really wanted to, I kind of convince myself she would be repulsed, but then those out my inner issues because she has always shown kind and care.

[healinginprogress]

Yes, the first time we hugged she offered after a very emotional session. After that she said that I was welcome to ask for a hug whenever I wanted one. She'll still ask occasionally if it's been a hard or emotional session and she thinks it would be helpful. I do feel comfortable saying no so it works well.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by lucozader

Nah. I don't think it's something he would do and I don't think it'd really be appropriate for him to. There is a part of me that loves the idea but mostly I think the reality of it would be too weird.

Yeah, I get this. Where it's a nice thought, but I'm not sure what the reality would be like (both with ex-MC and current T).

No but when I'm feeling low I need a hug.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I asked her originally. Now we just automatically hug after every session.

We hug every session. It didnt start that way because I am not a hugger and really weird about touch. One day i discovered i wanted one and I freaked out and ran away from her for almost a month. When i went back she was totally cool with it and I was still scared so we discussed it for another month before we hugged....then more talk about that. Its been a major process but i look forward to it. It helps ground me and helps me feel like she is real and things are ok, that i am ok, regardless of what is discussed.

[lucozader]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Yeah, I get this. Where it's a nice thought, but I'm not sure what the reality would be like (both with ex-MC and current T).

Yeah... there's also the fact that I am female and T is male, and I see him in the evening at his house where we are the only people there. I think any touch would have to be looked at in that context...

[Echos Myron redux]

My T told me that he would be okay with hugs so I didn't have to wonder whether it would be okay. So in that sense he offered. But the agreement was always going to be that we would only hug on occasions when i asked. And that works for me. I pretty much ask every session.

[Cantfindthewords]

Not initially no. The first time I did was after talking about CSA for the first time and I was in a bit of a state. It took me about 5 minutes to ask her with her sitting patiently at the end of her seat and telling me I was worthy and telling me to ask for what I need. When I finally asked for a cuddle I was convinced she would say no and immediately said sorry and got up to leave and she just stood up and opened her arms to me. It was one of the most healing feelings I have had. I put my head on her shoulder and just felt so loved. She cuddled me for about 5 minutes and gently stroked me back.

She also pulled me in for a hug on her sofa when I discussed a particularly horrible violent episode and I just rested my head on her chest for the rest of the session and she gently rocked me. I just remember hearing her heart beat and feeling so safe.

We also cuddle at the end of every session.

[LostOnTheTrail]

Yes, she offered at the end of our final session of 2017, and we've hugged a few times since. I never ask, but she seems to have a sense of when I might need it. I am extremely grateful.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by lucozader

Yeah... there's also the fact that I am female and T is male, and I see him in the evening at his house where we are the only people there. I think any touch would have to be looked at in that context...

Yeah, that's part of why it seems different to me with T and ex-MC--because they're both male and not that far from my age (7 and 12 years older, respectively).

[TeaVicar?]

No and I don't think I would like hugs to be part of my therapy. I have so many hang ups about touch, I think I would feel pretty anxious about it... and yes, I've wanted to do more than just hug him but therapy hugs? No.

[nottrustin]

T initiated hugging very early in our therapy sessions. I told her something very painful. At the end of the appointment she asked if she could hug me. I accepted. For the next dozen or so she asked at the end of each appointment. Then she stopped asking. We hug at the end of every appointment.

Emdr T has never offered and I will never ask..

[junkDNA]

he's offered and I've also asked

[MobiusPsyche]

No she said she only hugs at termination and only sometimes. We talked about it a bit but I still long for a hug. I suspect she is not a hugger IRL.