Couch 177: I Get a Strange Magic - ELO

I'm seeing R in 35 mins.

6 mins left.

I think at this stage, she doesn't have the vocabulary or experience to describe her feelings in any more complex a way than "I want to be a boy" (she doesn't say this consistently and often seems quite content being a girl who is regularly mistaken for a boy). I feel that as she grows older she will develop a more concrete understanding of her feelings about her gender and I am proud and happy with whatever that turns out to be.
She had been concerned that she would be forced to wear a skirt at High school. I have checked their policy and she won't be, but I would have fought it if they had tried to insist that girls should wear skirts.

Have a good sesh

When I was younger, my mom would ban me from getting my hair cut short. Only girl cuts allowed. As soon as I moved out, I shaved everything off to get a buzz cut and the next time mom saw me, she almost fainted.

I think it's great you let your daughter do what she feels like doing!

Echos, I think it's wonderful that you're supporting what your daughter wants. Hair is a really important vehicle of self expression.

On the flip side, after my biological mother and father separated, I went to stay with my mom one weekend. My mother didn't think that my father or I was doing a good job of taking care of my hair, so she took me to get a haircut. It was halfway down my back, and I left with a bowl cut. To say that was upsetting is an understatement.

How did your session go?

What your mom did sounds traumatic...My mom's mother did something similar to her once--talked to the stylist beforehand, then had them pull her very long hair into a ponytail and chop it off. I think for that reason, she pretty much let me do what I wanted with my hair.

I'm glad you're standing up for her hair choices. I'm sure that your support means a lot to her. Self-expression is important at...well, any age really. But she's certainly old enough to know what she wants, and a haircut is so minor in the grand scheme of things. I'm guessing it's not just about the hair for your H either.

I pointed out to my H that I would really like for him to grow a long beard (because I like long beards) but he won't. And it's his face, so.....

Thanks everyone and LT - yes, I think it might also be something about accepting that little girl is getting older and has her own ideas about what she wants and needs. He also doesn't really understand gender as being non-binary, which is his limitation and not my daughter's burden.
He's a great Dad but sometimes just a little limited in his understanding of stuff like that.

I brought up email contact over his holiday break and that I thought he was angry at me for ruining his holiday (I sent 4 emails). But he said he could handle it and that he wasn't angry. Then it was feeling rejected about not being given the extra session. He said boundaries were also there to protect me. I said that I would only stick with emailing about scheduling, because I had the potential to escalate things. He asked what escalate meant for me: three emails in a row and calling him because I have been tempted to do that. That I was afraid that he might say I was too much. I realized whilst talking that I had already done the three emails in one day thing. xDD That I'd also stop with the over the top christmas and birthday gifts. He said he wouldn't have accepted them if he had felt they were over the top.I told him that I still didn't feel safe even with him in this relationship- it kind of felt like it was always on the edge of breaking down. That whilst I loved my best friends I don't feel like they really knew me.I could only show them happy feelings but I learnt with it the negative was okay too.

I brought up my lord of the rings reference about him not being Gandalf and being able to save me and he totally went with it- said that Aragorn didn't stop fighting at Helms deep- he was ready to face it without Gandalf appearing. I was gushing over Orlando bloom- he joked he thought I would have gone for Viggo (Mortensen)

The smiths song "it's over" that jeff buckley covered was used to discuss my suicidal feelings.I asked if he thought he could really help me.

We were talking about my mother and me wanting love and wanting to be treated like a princess, but not in the derogatory way- just special.We talked about disney princesses in general and I said he should watch the movie a little princess with his daughter when she was 7-8 because it was so beautiful, after I pulled a quote from the movie "all girls are princesses" , he said moments like these that he really appreciated. He brought up the book that I had given him for his birthday and I felt very connected to him in that moment.

And time was up.

I'm left with a stupid warm fuzzy feeling in my heart that makes me happy and I have my exam tomorrow.

Lemoncake, I hope the warm fuzzy feelings stay for a long time!!! Sounds like a good session. My T also says boundaries (mine AND hers) are to keep the work safe. I'm glad he wasn't punitive or rejecting. !

Let me know how the exam goes?

Thank you QM.

I'm gonna log off now. The only thing you know in medicine is that you know nothing.

Anytime one of those guys go on about boundaries being there to protect a client - they are lying ****s.
I like boundaries and am in great favor of them -but I don't for a minute believe anyone's boundaries are there for anyone but themselves. Therapists pull that sort of crap and really pisses me off.

I feel that my therapist's boundaries protect me. They make me feel safer. As do my own boundaries in my relationship with him.

I think it's inconsistent or shifting boundaries that are generally the problem (they certainly have been for me, both with ex-MC and current T. And I guess ex-T as well). Or just randomly using "boundaries" to explain something they don't want to do.

Session in 45 minutes. Pocket riders welcome!

+1

Hopping in, LT

I think this bit is important. I think all any girl really needs is to know that her mother will be there for her regardless and is willing to fight for her.

Hopping in if I'm not too late.

Hey i thought you were logged off and studying! Get back to work! Who's gonna take care of me in my old age?!

Who’s taking care of you now?

Does this mean you think you’ll outlive me?

Yeahbbut shes gonna be a doctor.

Probably - only the good die young

I’m a doctor, ya know...in ancient stuff too!