[rainbow8]

I didn't want it to be this way! Because of my medical issues ( sciatic chronic pain, anxiety, panic, blood clots, and more) I haven't felt so attached to my T. Yesterday in my session I told her I don't care about her anymore! I'm preoccupied with my physical ailments, though she helps me get calm from the anxiety.

The irony is that I'm not physically attracted to her now, which is healthier, of course, but I feel so confused and disappointed. I looked forward to the good feelings I got from being with her because of the way she looked. But now she looks different and I feel blah. I told her this in the session and I KNOW it's that I want someone in real life to be attracted to. I still love T but in a normal way. I want it to be the way it was! I emailed her that I am pathetic, ashamed and embarrassed about this. I reached my goal but at the expense of my physical health, it seems.

I'm probably not making much sense. The bottom line is that T never stopped gently pushing me to focus in my real life, not on my feelings for her. I struggled with that for 8 years. Now, because she is making herself unattractive to me (not on purpose) and because of my physical condition, I realize how it's supposed to be. Reality after so many years and it's bittersweet! I am relating more to people in my real life, and T is still here for me but I miss being unhealthy emotionally. It was better than being unhealthy physically. I feel like the character in that old book, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden. Normal lacks colors and excitement. I've got to look for that person in my real life, if I ever get over these
physical conditions.

[DP_2017]

Honestly... the feelings for T's can be all over the place and very confusing. So it may not make sense but it does happen to people often and you are not alone or weird or anything for feeling this way

[SalingerEsme]

Rainbow, what about your T is now making her unattractive to you? I totally get that feeling of a love potion wearing off, and wanting it back. That unhealthy obsession with therapy gives life so much heightened meaning, though painful.

It seems like idealization is wearing off :/.

I once read somewhere that clients tend to view their therapists as exponentially more attractive than they actually are due to transference. I think of children and how they view their moms and dads as the most beautiful people in the world. I know with my own therapist, for many years everything she did seemed wonderful and special... and she appeared phenomenally more beautiful over time than first impressions.

Idealization has really invogorating parts. I really miss how excited I used to get before sessions with her and how great it felt to be in her presence. I retrospect, such strong feelings made little sense against who she was as a person. In fact, I see now that she was no more special than others in my life.

[WishfulThinker66]

Actually, you make a great deal of sense. You are confused by the change in your emotions about your therapist. This confusion is no doubt frustrating and gives you a sense of everything being mixed up and in the air. I am glad you raised this with your therapist. What ought to happen is that she and you establish new boundaries and expectations in response accordingly. As a result you should be able to get things back on track.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((( rainbow )))))))

[rainbow8]

T wrote such a nice email back telling me that of course all parts are still welcome, I can still talk about anything, and that it's normal to want intimacy and love... and with her it's the transference. I forgot her exact words but it was reassuring. Doesn't anyone want my T? I was thinking about the thread about wanting others' Ts.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Honestly... the feelings for T's can be all over the place and very confusing. So it may not make sense but it does happen to people often and you are not alone or weird or anything for feeling this way

Thank you!

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

Rainbow, what about your T is now making her unattractive to you? I totally get that feeling of a love potion wearing off, and wanting it back. That unhealthy obsession with therapy gives life so much heightened meaning, though painful.

She always wore her hair down but now wears it tied back. She has beautiful hair but now I can't see it. Hair face is thin and she looks much better with her hair around it. Thank you for "getting it!"

Originally Posted by PurpleMirrors

It seems like idealization is wearing off :/.

I once read somewhere that clients tend to view their therapists as exponentially more attractive than they actually are due to transference. I think of children and how they view their moms and dads as the most beautiful people in the world. I know with my own therapist, for many years everything she did seemed wonderful and special... and she appeared phenomenally more beautiful over time than first impressions.

Idealization has really invogorating parts. I really miss how excited I used to get before sessions with her and how great it felt to be in her presence. I retrospect, such strong feelings made little sense against who she was as a person. In fact, I see now that she was no more special than others in my life.

That's kind of how I feel, except when she looks the way I like her to, I still feel the excitement. She said we can talk more about how to have that in my real life. But I'm not feeling well now so men aren't in the picture.

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Actually, you make a great deal of sense. You are confused by the change in your emotions about your therapist. This confusion is no doubt frustrating and gives you a sense of everything being mixed up and in the air. I am glad you raised this with your therapist. What ought to happen is that she and you establish new boundaries and expectations in response accordingly. As a result you should be able to get things back on track.

Thanks;

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

((((((( rainbow )))))))

Thanks, Fuzzy!

[downandlonely]

Sorry it's confusing and sorry about your physical problems. That must be rough.

She always wore her hair down but now wears it tied back. She has beautiful hair but now I can't see it. Hair face is thin and she looks much better with her hair around it.

This seems really superficial. Good on your therapist for being open enough to continue the dialogue, but are you comfortable about judging women in this way on the basis of their appearance?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by SorryNorma

This seems really superficial. Good on your therapist for being open enough to continue the dialogue, but are you comfortable about judging women in this way on the basis of their appearance?

No, I'm not comfortable judging anyone that way. It bothers me a lot. I don't judge my friends that way either. However, I think it's purely about physical attraction, not my feelings for her. I like and love her for the qualities that make her an excellent T for me, and I admire her for other reasons. I don't think it's superficial though. It's the way I'd have to feel about a partner, at least at first. I can't help it that I'm attracted to her. Part is probably maternal, too. She's comforting. It's a package deal. A lot is transference, but I do believe my T is pretty!

This is odd to me. I don't understand how a hairstyle has such an impact on how you feel about someone.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by SorryNorma

This is odd to me. I don't understand how a hairstyle has such an impact on how you feel about someone.

It's not how I FEEL; it's about physical attraction. I tried to explain above. Hairstyles do make a difference to me in this case. Many people look more attractive depending on their hairstyle. In any case, it's my preference. That's all. My feelings for her haven't changed because of that. They've changed for another reason: my physical condition. Maybe it's good I'm thinking about her appearance again!

I will leave the thread because this sounds like a different language to mine.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by SorryNorma

I will leave the thread because this sounds like a different language to mine.

I just want to thank you for your comments. I understand what you're saying. I really do. I don't like the way I react to T's appearance or I wouldn't have posted about it or discussed it with her.

[Rive1976]

I think that this is a good thing. You should be looking for that in real life but I totally understand missing something thats emotionally not healthy.