Are there certain things T could do to make you feel they genuinely care or love you?

Mine goes above and beyond for me whenever she can. She says things. She makes time for me when she doesnt make time for anyone else. She has made time for me even during family emergencies even when she isnt talking to any other clients. She buys me gifts. She says I love you. She tells me how important I am to her.

Ha! The therapist doesn't care about me at all!

Providing a lectern for my use would have been a good start.

But really my answer pretty much remains the same as it was 4 yrs ago.

I can't imagine my T would ever love me. I wouldn't want her to. I do think she genuinely cares in a professional detached sort of a way!

Unless she actually said it, the thought wouldn't occur to me. I do want to know she accepts me though. I admit I would like to be thought more of as an equal or peer; even an acquaintance.

I know that my former therapist cares about me genuinely. She has told me such on several occasions. I know she cares about me because she let me email her between sessions (without charge) and even though she's been sick she's been helping me transition to a new therapist. She didn't have to do that. She could have handed me a list of names and said goodbye then but she didn't. She wanted to make sure I found a good therapist with which to continue the work. She offered me hugs when I was particularly down or had a rough session. She listened with incredible skill and offered helpful insights. The two other therapists I have had I don't think really cared about me and I can't say about the new one because it's too soon.

I dont get the feeling that it's anything more than just a person doing their job.

Cares for me? I can hear it in his voice sometimes. Like he'll sound genuinely upset about the things I do to myself or say to myself, and I'm usually caught off guard because it's normal to me. When scheduling appointments on the phone he's asked how I'm doing and genuinely seemed to care, even though it wasn't during my hour.

Love me? I don't think he loves me, but if he did and he really cared about me he'd keep it to himself. He knows how much damage previous therapists' poor judgement and poor boundaries have done to me, including one who told me she loved me and how she'd never felt this strongly about another patient etc etc, and he knows how important it is to me to not be treated like I'm special or different.

Of course I want him to treat me like I'm special and different and to love me. But if he did, I wouldn't trust him or be able to work with him anymore.

she holds space for me...holds my hand when I need to borrow strength to talk about abuse stuff...this week was especially hard. today she scooted her chair closer to the couch while we talked, and when I leaned forward and laid my head in her lap she didnt stop me or push me away... I know she doesnt love me but she says she "cares deeply" about me, and I feel loved...

I would not want love from a therapist. In terms of caring, if they have stellar work ethic and sense of responsibility and if they make an effort to engage with me in session and try to really understand what I am sharing, not just through their own projections.

I can't believe my therapist or any other human being loves me. I never will either.

Care wise, sure he cares, in a limited way. It sucks but it is what it is. I do believe he cares though for many reasons.

How do you feel about all the things she does for you? I can't imagine my T ever doing any of those things, and I can't imagine how it would make me feel. Does it make you feel safe? Do you question why she does them?
I ask because I think those things would make me feel very unsafe. But that is likely a projection of my history.

she gave me the ultimate gift ♥

It does make me feel safe, helps me trust her. I dont question it.