Need help with this...

I need some help with my homework from my T if you dont mind. The past couple weeks T has been trying to get me to see what I value about myself. Last week.. I couldnt find a thing . This week I wrote down my eyes and my hair ( mainly because they are like my moms ) So this week.. to help to get me see .. he wants me to ask others what they value in me. I dont want to put anyone on the spot here. And if you cant answer.. well I totally understand. But if you can think of anything.. I'd appreciate it. T is trying to get me to find myself here. And its been a real struggle.

Thanks ~
Beth

Hi SweetSunshine,

I'm completely new here. And, I don't know you.

But here's what I gleaned from your post:

You are doing the hard work of therapy (and therapy homework!) - I think that takes strength and commitment.

You are open to hearing from other people about yourself - which suggests to me a generosity of spirit and lack of defensiveness.

You are asking for help - the epitome of strength.

I imagine it's easy to dismiss what I say because I don't know you. I thought of these things, though, based on knowing a bit about me. The things I point out as strengths are based on things I would like to be better at. (I say that only in the hopes of giving what I say some credibility --- I'm not just making nice things up, I'm noticing in your post strengths that I admire.)

Good luck on the homework assignment. Maybe I'll get to know you here. I'm sure I'd be able to add to the list then.

~doubtful

Hi Bethy,
I value your sweet nature, your humor, your contagious laughter, your strength, your wisdom, and your friendship. And that's just for starters!
Luv ya!
Okie

SS,
You are very supportive, kind to others, and empathic. You help others in need. You are a wonderful person! I appreciate you.

OMG ((Sweet))

I value your sense of humor BIG TIME
I value your dedicated friendship
I value your empathy and your willingness to listen
I value your sense of adventure and your commitment to your family and friends

Write these down and I know I'll think of more girlfriend....

Your honesty and willingness to work hard.

OMG!!!!!!! You guys are something else!! I had no idea .. just no idea... how much you all thought of me!I mean.. I did... you showed it in the fundraiser.. but you've really tried to see inside me and see who I am.. and I am sooooo... touched by this. I'm so thankful... for all of you!!! WOW!!! PC

New homework today...

Since so many of you said that I have strength.. T wants me to figure out what makes a person strong. And we arent talking sweating here lol.
I know many of you graciously said some really nice things here about me..and I want to really learn how to believe them . Its just hard to see good in myself . Its always been that way. My family except for Mom, always pointed out the bad in people .. but never emphasized the good. So that is what I tend to do. Is let the bad be seen over the good. So this question isnt about me.. just in general. I am hoping to see this from your perspective too . Maybe this can help everyone out in some way or another? Thanks~

So i guess for me.. something that makes a person strong .. is perseverance.

One strength I see in you is persistence! You don't give up just because the going's rough? You keep working, keep trying to understand, keep trying to make things work. That takes strength! Persistence exercises certain "muscles" over and over and that strengthens. . . resolve? Forbearance and ability to wait and try again if things don't work the first time?

I was thinking some more and thinking about how I ask my husband to tell me my strengths everytime I start a new self-help book or something that asks for them :-) and realized that strength is also realized through trust in one's self and one's abilities. You, SweetSunshine, trust that what I tell you will be true! And, following that "truth" to its logical extreme means that you already have the strength. You have already done the work to become strong! You had to want and know you could do what you did in order to do it, didn't you? LOL! So, believing in yourself and your abilities to become strong and trusting also helped you actually become that.

I automatically know/trust my husband's judgment which means I trust my own judgment of my husband's judgment. I just take whatever he says and go with it, even if I don't "recognize" it in myself yet. I know it is there because I know he has good judgment and doesn't lie and because I trust him to tell me what he sees. So, it is just a matter of my owning up to what is there.

It gets to be a lot of fun when I "use" my strength I don't quite see yet and rely on it! Back in the mid- to late-1990's one day my car died. I happened to be at the grocery store and when I turned off my engine smoke (not steam :-) started pouring out from under it.

There was a gas station with repair bays a little ways down so I walked there and talked to the mechanic and he said, since no lights had come on, that it was probably safe to drive it that little distance. So I went back and got it and drove it to the gas station. The guy does some preliminary work and thinks it might be a head gasket but, he can't do that and it would be $1000 to just find out (and if it is a plastic head gasket, the world comes to an end and it can't be fixed) and if it can be fixed, it would be another couple thousand; blah, blah, blah.

So I'm trying to figure out what to do. Another customer comes up to the mechanic, who turns out to be the owner of the station, and starts talking about a car parked off to the side that was the owner's grandmother's who passed away. The owner is trying to sell it for $4,000, it was worth $2,000 when he got it and he refurbished it, putting another $2,000 into it and he just wants to get his money back. The other customer is trying to get him to sell it for $3,000 and the owner declines and after the guy leaves, tells me the whole story about its cost, how it was his grandmother's and has no mileage and all these people are trying to get a better deal and rip him off when it is already a deal!

Well, I look at the car from a distance while he's talking and it happens to be my childhood dream car. It is THE car I wanted when I grew up. It's a Mercury Grand Marquis (I wanted a Lincoln Continental) and has automatic everything. It has air conditioning :-) which I had never had in a car, etc. My head starts going into overdrive LOL. My dead car is a Mercury Lynx, a year older than the Grand Marquis. It might not be fixable, has been a lemon since I bought it (died on an expressway in rush hour the day after I took it home brand new from the dealer) and I have no way to get home and here's this beautiful car, my dream, and I have a credit card on me, paid off, with an $8,000 limit. What to do? My husband is having his own adventures for the day, a Saturday, and I can't reach him.

Suddenly, a conversation between my husband and myself of a week earlier plays in my head.

"I trust your judgment!" my husband said. "We're on the same team."

I think about that and think about the decisions I've made the last 45 or so years and decide I agree :-) if only that my judgment was sound in marrying this man, LOL! I do have good judgment. And, all things considered, buying this car is a good idea.

The owner is the owner of a brand name gas station in a wealthy neighborhood. He's not going to be lying or cheating or not know what he's talking about because he's too "public" and if I got cheated I have too many ways I could make his life heck. He fixed the car himself and he's a genuine mechanic so it was no doubt done right. I can see the little details he did (had to put in a new head liner) and they're quality work. So, I offer him $3,500 for it. We decide on $3,750 (which he later says was $3,795) and I say "Charge it please!" :-) only that hits a snag as the brand name gas people frown on their owners using the gas station for their personal business but he does a temporary charge of $2,000 so I can take the car, and we agree I'll come back later in the afternoon with my husband and a check for the whole (and rip up the temporary charge). Man, I was on Cloud 9! Didn't bother doing the grocery shopping, LOL.

I drive home and my husband shows up soon after and I run over to his car and start babbling at him and he just sits in his car, patiently waiting (one of his strengths, he can wait until things are clear and he understands well :-) He later said he was afraid to get out of his car because I was so excited. But eventually he understood (I was a bit more excited than normal because the time I had agreed upon to be back at the gas station before it closed with the check was coming up) and we went and bought me the car.

The car was wonderful for 2-3 years then got totalled because it was stalled at a light and someone plowed into it. I wasn't in it. The insurance company instantly gave me $3,000 for it (not a bad return on those years of use) and I went and bought a second, used Grand Marquis.

But, think of your own story, SweetSunshine. You see how much mileage one can get from it? I just trot mine out and remember it whenever I'm worried I may be making a mistake and it helps me enormously?

Perna~
Thank you for your compliments. I think I do try.. just sometimes its blind to me when I get to feeling depressed, or get overwhelmed. You would laugh if you could see the notes I took from your post lol. Well maybe not. But I do take it seriously. I take alot of notes from here. Because I dont want to be like this.. paralyzed by fear and hurt.

Thank you for your story and everything else Perna.

Hugz
Beth