Trying to Find IFS therapist

Background: ive been in therapy for over 26yrs & meds. Walked away from it all 4.5 yrs ago.
So I’ve decided to try & find an IFS (internal family system) therapist bec the last time I was in therapy I did I FS work for three years and I thought it was a good fit for myself.
So I found and IFS therapist , who is 45 minutes away for me, and I’ve gone to two appointments & I’m already disappointed & wondering if the red flags are a sign.

The first appt we did 40min of paperwork & she seemed very unorganized. Up & down, clip boards, 3 ring binders, checking her phone & really discombobulated. Now I was having a really bad morning & I tried to fill out most of the paperwork & I had some trouble settling down to answer this tedious paperwork.
Like:
What’s your greatest accomplishment?
What are your hobbies & interests?
What do u do to relax?

Sorry, to me, this sounded like something from a magazine article. Not what I wanted to discuss. So I tried & we talked for about 10min so I could calm down & then time was up. Grrr!

Second appt we continued paperwork the entire time! History crap I really do NOT wanto discuss or get into but she kept saying it was for insurance purposes. I want this therapy to go in a certain direction, not guided by insurance & what’s supposed to be addressed. Again she had trouble locating binders, clipboards, insurance numbers, asking me my height & weight....for insurance!
“If you spend 12 hrs awake how many hrs do you dissociate? How many hours are you indecisive? How many hrs are you angry?”
Omg I have no dam clue!
This sounds like textbook crap!

Why couldn’t I have done this paperwork at home & brought it? Why is she asking me questions when I could fill out the paperwork like; my sibs names, do I have an education etc etc.
then she sat & read over her notes she took last week while we’re 40min Into the appt! I feel she should’ve done that while I was in the waiting room!
Then she gets her computer out & types for 10min her notes, again saying it’s for insurance & I’ve just about had it. I was ready to blow....& I just shut down.
Time is up!!!
Again.
So she says next wk we’re doing a safety contract, which is several pages. I know the questions. I know she has to fill this stuff out, but it’s on my time & my dime. And she said “hope you can wait a week...” regarding the safety contract!
Everything feels so rigid! Is this the way most therapy is now??

I wento her for ifs work. I understand the need for insurance stuff, but does it all have to be done during my appt?
I don’t feel a connection with her at all. This has put a bad taste in my mouth to travel this far to see her. I figure I’ll do a couple more, but for how long I’ve been in therapy I see things VERY quickly!
I’m disappointed in the process again & I have “parts” that tell me to keep going.

(But I also have parts that say, look at this severe history, trauma, abuse, mess of a client with great insurance! I’m a great client!”). Grrrr.

Sorry, that sounds really frustrating! I probably wouldn't go back if I were you.

I am sorry, this indeed sounds very frustrating. The insurance paperwork is one thing, but the T does seem so far consistently quite disorganized and inefficient. I know those things would make me mad. Obviously, the insurance stuff could be avoided by seeing a private therapists, but I guess you want to do it via insurance for a reason. If you want to go back, I would probably tell her next time explicitly that you can take paperwork home with you and don't want to use your session time for her to write her notes and other admin stuff. Is this all really for insurance or some of the questionnaires are actually part of taking your history and current condition? It seems quite excessive for insurance paperwork only. What is also alarming is if you don't feel a generally good vibe with the T at all.

I could see one appointment of asking history and stuff but two appointments seems like a lot. I'm concerned that she seems disorganized. It might be different once one is actually into the therapy appointments and not the intake appointments but I think it is odd for the intake to take more than one appointment. Just my 2 cents.

She hasn’t asked me one serious question! Nothing. Not what I expect or want. It all has this vibe of steps being taken for insurance purposes. According to the website she’s been doing this for 6yrs so I thought it would go smoothly.
I don’t wanto do trauma work, I told her a couple issues I wanted to focus on like anger. I said I’ve read a lot about everyone’s POV on it, ive worked on it for awhile & it doesn’t seem to improve. She said, yeah everyone has an opinion on it. Ugh.

She’s a LPC & she takes my insurance & in the fall I saw a therapist for a short time & never got asked all these questions like, back history, insurance crap & my insurance was taken there too. I’m not sure what the problem is here with all this paperwork but it feels like she doesn’t wanto talk to me. I wanto do ifs work; I’m ready to start, not sign papers & do safety contracts. I wanto focus on parts, integration of them & how to move forward.
It would be nice if she’d put the paper down & focus on me. I figure I’ll go one more time. I’d like to spend a total of 5min on a safety contract & then talk, like actually talk!

That does sound frustrating. Some of those questions don't sound related to insurance (like how many siblings you have).

This is the first I've heard of IFS, so I don't know how hard it would be to find another IFS therapist that takes your insurance.

There is a facebook page just called internal family systems run by Richard Schwartz. I have seen clients ask for recommendations on this page

This all sounds so wrong! I’d be tempted to save my $$$ for the next appointment and email her that it’s just not working out for you. None of that should be done on your time. Much easier for everyone to fill out paperwork at home to bring in. She sounds extremely disorganized and flakey. I wouldn’t be able to handle that!

My T doesn’t advertise that she does IFS, but so much of our work is IFS related. It took me a long time to get used to it all really. It felt SO weird at first. Maybe you could look around for T’s who have an eclectic approach to therapy and email a few asking if they use IFS.

I would tell her that she can't bill insurance for administrative work and therapy that's not happening. And truthfully, six years is not very experienced. The questions about dissociation alone are crazymaking. How is that even possible? It's like asking someone to list everything they don't remember.

Ive tried IFS with a local therapist & ran into ethical issues. So I started to look past my town.
I don’t like extensive histories or discussing how & when I was diagnosed almost 30 yrs ago. She didn’t know what ECT was & I had to explain it. She asked me about my first hospitalization & how I felt. I was a kid!

I know on paper I look like a train wreck & probably pretty scary to take on. I don’t do details, but if I don’t feel a connection soon it’s not worth trying.
She arrived at the office at the start of her day at the same time as I arrived. If she’s reading case notes 40min Into the appt, to me, she’s not prepared & cant rely on memory.
Thank you all for listening. I always wonder if I fly off the handle too quickly or I’m too judgmental.

I think my next appt my nasty part is going to come out. That’s not pretty!

At least she'll get a chance to put her IFS skillz to use.


Good luck, though, really. If I recall, you had a therapist who would refer to her own parts? And didn't she also have issues/problems around sexual orientation? (Sorry if I've got that wrong). At any rate, it can be like whack a mole trying to find a good therapist.

Wow yeah about 4 yrs ago I worked with An IFS therapist & did refer to her parts! It can get a bit crazy. But she passed some serious moral judgments upon me; basically exiling & isolating a huge part of myself. It’s taken me a long time to come back from that.