[nottrustin]

Are you able to be completely honest with your T about mood and thoughts of SI or SU? I still haven't figured it out. I always minimize it. Like if they ask I'd I am having the thoughts always say "nothing I wil act on" if I am having them. Later I want to kick myself. I was getting better with T because I knew how she would handle it.

A could of weeks ago after a really painful session EMDR T asked how I was doing and. I answered I will be okay. She said I know though will. Then she asked if I would be safe to drive home I told her I will be okay. When in reality I had disassociated and was still in a daze.

Then pdoc asked if I was having thoughts of SH and again I said nothing I will act in. In reality I am really struggling AMD having lots of thoughts of it and am white knuckling it. I just don't know how to tell either of them this. The reality is there is nothing they can do so what is the point. Is still will only have Emdr T once a week... but we will work in grounding techniques. Pdoc will still be scheduling out about every 6 weeks and thinks this is primarily related to the loss of T so soeant want to make any med changes.

It isn't necessary to be completely honest. You are allowed to keep some thoughts and feelings just for you.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by SorryNorma

It isn't necessary to be completely honest. You are allowed to keep some thoughts and feelings just for you.

But I feel like I am sinking. I go in planning to be honest but for some reason that ingrained part kicks in and I minimize without thinking. After the appointment I get frustrated.

[LonesomeTonight]

I tend to tell him after the fact, not while it’s going on. Like “I wanted to SH the other night but didn’t.” Or “I had SUI a couple weeks ago.” I have this fear it will seem manipulative if I tell him at the time. Though I mentioned that to T once and he was puzzled by it. Like why would it be manipulative? But I still worry about that.

[zoiecat]

My T knows that honesty is a big thing for me and while I may omit some things I will always be honest to a fault. I never volunteer SI but if he asks I will say yes. I absolutely hates when he keeps digging for more info and I try to be as vague as possible because I know this questioning can go on all session. I know he worries about me because of this. As soon as I make a deal with him and give him my word for a select amount of time he will usually drop it. He still does not know everything though and probably never will.

It sounds like you want them to know to a certain extent. I would suggest you be open and honest to the degree you are comfortable with. Sometimes they really can help and ease your pain a bit by guiding you through the lava rivers of hell. Why not give it a shot. I know most people are not like me so I hope you can find some peace by sharing.

[kecanoe]

I don't usually tell because I don't want the session to become a conversation about hospitalization. They tend to go there. Which I suppose is only natural. But I don't care to discuss it.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

My T knows that honesty is a big thing for me and while I may omit some things I will always be honest to a fault. I never volunteer SI but if he asks I will say yes. I absolutely hates when he keeps digging for more info and I try to be as vague as possible because I know this questioning can go on all session. I know he worries about me because of this. As soon as I make a deal with him and give him my word for a select amount of time he will usually drop it. He still does not know everything though and probably never will.

It sounds like you want them to know to a certain extent. I would suggest you be open and honest to the degree you are comfortable with. Sometimes they really can help and ease your pain a bit by guiding you through the lava rivers of hell. Why not give it a shot. I know most people are not like me so I hope you can find some peace by sharing.

I know you are right. I think part of it is trust with EMDR T and also know she doesn't really know me that well. With T I could say things like I will be okay or nothing I will act on and she would know what it meant and we would go from there. It took is a few years to get to that point. I can't expect Emdr T to know these things. She will never be T aa much as I want her to.

[zoiecat]

I know it is difficult to build trust. EMDR T is not your old T. Try to give her a chance though. In time, the more you are able to share the more she will be able to earn your trust. You will never know how she will respond umril you try. You may want to start by explaining how other T understood what you meant.

I know it is not easy. I have been seeing my T 2 times a week for almost 2 years and I still don't totally trust. He knows it and he knows why based on my background. He always reminds me to not trust him any more than I feel comfortable with. We do EMDR as well and he knows I hate it.

Good luck and hugs to you. Give it time.

[nottrustin]

I try to remind myself that it took T and I years to build our relationship and even then it wasn't perfect. Even though she always said she was there for me. I always look for signs that she was leaving.

EMDR T is awesome and trying. But as you said it will take time.

[velcro003]

I am honest with my T about SH and SUI thoughts.

I talk about it because I have no fear of hospilisation.
It's not the ho to thing here.
Plus I want relief from it and normally T always, knows what to say.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm honest with my T about everything, even the hard stuff.

[SummerTime12]

I’m usually pretty honest about it; sometimes I have really serious suicidal thoughts and don’t tell him until it’s already over with, but that’s only because I forget to tell him the next couple of times I see him. There have also been a few times that I’ve said I could be safe when I knew I couldn’t, but at those times I always emailed him afterward to tell him the truth so that we could come up with a plan to keep me safe.

[SheHulk07]

I'm not completely honest with either of my Ts about it, and try to minimize it as well to avoid the subject of hospitalization and I've been accused of being manipulative by a previous T a few years ago. It sucks and I'd like to get to a place where I can be completely honest.

[Amyjay]

I am never honest about those things. There is nothing T can do anyway. I leave when it is time to leave no matter what is happening. Sometimes t wants me to stay because she can tell we are really dissociated and not with it at all. But what would staying 5 extra minutes achieve? Nothing. I've been like this my whole life. I'll survive to see another week, even when I don't know how anymore. I'ver NEVER known how. Yet here I still am.

[Seelenna1982]

I don’t think I could be honest about these things with T yet and for me it’s been 7months in therapy! I struggled a lot with SH but haven’t don’t it in almost 10yrs. EMDR often sends me off into a space I can’t get out of that makes me have those familiar urges.... I couldn’t tell T though. I don’t act on it, I do worry since I know it’s something that’s been an issue in the past.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Trace62

I talk about it because I have no fear of hospilisation.
It's not the ho to thing here.
Plus I want relief from it and normally T always, knows what to say.

I am not really concerned about hospitaluzation. T made sure that Emdr T knew that she was confident I would never act on the thoughts. However. T was there for extra sessions if needed(maybe 5 times in 10 years). Pdoc seems to believe this. However, she knew T was always assessing for safety

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

But what would staying 5 extra minutes achieve? Nothing.

I'm so glad you put words to this!! I feel like this idea by my T, this notion that sitting in a certain space for a few more minutes is going to change anything with my underlying issues is just ......a notion and it seems like it's more for THEM than for me. Like they get to tick off a box of offering me something. Which is not even minimally helpful.

argggggggg

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I'm so glad you put words to this!! I feel like this idea by my T, this notion that sitting in a certain space for a few more minutes is going to change anything with my underlying issues is just ......a notion and it seems like it's more for THEM than for me. Like they get to tick off a box of offering me something. Which is not even minimally helpful.

argggggggg

Agreed--once my T asked me if I was OK to leave. I said yes. Then the next session, I was like, "What if I'd said no?" He said he could have given me an extra 5 minutes. Which was like...yeah, not sure how much that would have helped. But he does allow email, so that would be an option or an extra session. But 5 minutes at the time? Not so helpful.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Are you able to be completely honest with your T about mood and thoughts of SI or SU?

I was able to be completely honest with my former T about SH and SU. I try to be honest with my new T about these things. I thought it was important for my former T to know about my SH so she could keep track if it was getting to be too much. Its a little harder to open up about SU. I get worried when they start talking hospitalization.