Feel weird about ending therapy! Thinking a lot!

Hi everyone.

I’ve been having CBT for the last 8 months or so due to my social anxiety problems after waiting for a year and a half on the waiting list!

I got on really well with my T and I thought the world of her, which I think is fairly common! For me having someone to listen to my worries and provide support felt quite special as I generally struggle with relationships, even if it was her job!

My therapy was fairly successful. I do feel better, but I still feel I have a mountain of work to do to get to any sort of recovery stage... I still feel very anxious and not very confident in myself at all One problem I’ve always had with social anxiety is trying to please people, as well as desperately trying to hide how I really feel and my emotions. This extended to my T throughout my sessions. Of course she was aware of this problem, but I think I’ve got pretty good at faking it. I didn’t want her to think I was still struggling, even if I was on the way to feeling a lot better.

I’m in the UK, so my therapy was on the NHS. I remember in the past there has been a limit on the amount of sessions you can have. My sessions started becoming more spaced out, and in my last few appointments, I sensed that I was being slightly pressured into ending therapy soon. Because of this I did feel a little afraid to bring up any new issues as I was conscious that I was going to become a burden and be asking too much from the therapy (again another SA related fear of mine)

Anyway, on Thursday I went to my session as usual and about 5 minutes in it was sprung on me that my T thought I was ready to go it alone now. I kind of expected it, but I had asked to go over some kind of plan of things to do to keep on top of my social anxiety when I was out of therapy before I left. Even though I knew it was coming, the kind of abruptness of it came as a shock. I sort of just accepted it without putting up any sort of fight, but the rest of the session I felt all zoned out and weird about it ending so suddenly.

When I left I kind of rushed out saying thanks and goodbye, because I was upset and didn’t want my T to know, but the whole way home I just felt really sad. I think I’m just struggling having that supportive relationship taken away so suddenly, and there’s nothing I can do about it really. It makes me feel a bit of an empty type feeling. I did mention to my T that I felt sad about it being over. It’s just so weird that we probably wouldn’t ever see each other again, yet she knows so much about me. I will miss going to see her.

I don’t know if I’m feeling sad, angry, a bit of both? I’m not sure. My T did say she was conscious my condition may not allow me to be honest with her about my feelings about the sessions ending, but I just for some reason wasn’t able to say. So i do feel like it’s my fault a bit, but I was so worried about how many sessions I had left etc that I didn’t wanna make a fuss

I don’t know what I’m wanting by posting this. I think I just needed to get it off of my chest and also if anyone has any support, particularly if anyone has been through something similar before, that would be most welcome too!

I’m just sending hugs.. I’m also from the uk.

Feel free to post as much as you want to. I don’t think you were a burden to the therapist. I’m sorry it ended abruptly, Your feelings of anger and sadness are completely normal (((( hugs ))))

(Edited to add)
There are other resources in the UK, but aside from private therapy I haven’t looked into them much. Group therapy might be a possibility if you have an amenable GP who might refer you. I personally haven’t found CBT helpful. I’m glad you had a good relationship with the therapist

Thank you it helps to get it off my chest rather than bottle it all up inside. I’ve been feeling so zoned out and weird since I left. I didn’t even manage to say thanks properly because I was in such a rush to try and get out of there without getting emotional!

Aww I’m sorry. I certainly understand the feeling of being rushed

Tears are healing ((((( hugs )))))

Hope these (friendly ) bears might make you smile

Thanks! They so are one thing I learned was that it’s ok to feel sensitive about things! I’m very sensitive and get emotional about stuff. It’s just such a strange relationship to have with someone and then have it taken away. I think it almost needs to be a part of the process really so when the time comes you’re more prepared for the relationship to break off! If that makes sense

Hugs i have heard so many things about NHS, im from Canada and i get free therapy from the health goverment here. Hugs so sorry your ending was so quick and sudden. 8 months is not long enough, for allot of issues.

What you say definitely makes sense. I think the ending does need to be part of the process. We usually trust our therapists with a lot of personal things, and our deepest hurts.

I’m very sensitive too, I think its a good quality.

When people aren’t sensitive, it can be a problem.

My therapist said I was “hypersensitive” - he was harsh and mean though, so I’m not sure that his assessment was accurate.

I’m glad your t let you know that it’s ok to feel sensitive about things

Thank you I’m very grateful I can get therapy for free, but it’s the sense of rushing through It I don’t like. It means you skim over issues and in the end you end up re referring and having to go back anyway. This is the 4th set of sessions I have had

I’ve always been told I’m too sensitive, I’m actually quite glad I am now. It’s nice to feel things and even unpleasant feelings are valuable in their own way. I’d hate to think I was wandering around not caring about anything !!

It does make things very difficult, at least I think so. I guess processing things in between what they offer can be helpful, and forums like pc can help with that.

ETA I’m also quite glad I’m sensitive now although I’ve also been told I’m too sensitive. I wouldn’t want to be someone who goes around not caring about people.

It is. It does feel strange. I understand why people get attached to their therapists cause you tell them so much and they provide so much support. I’m almost beating myself up for feeling like this though and I worry it’s not healthy to be missing her, but I suppose it’s quite natural really!

It’s definitely natural and healthy, not something to beat self up about

I'm sorry you are going through that. It's hard to stop therapy when you aren't ready to stop. I had to stop seeing my former T because she got sick and it was really hard. (((hugs))) I hope you have some supports you can lean on to. You can always talk here on PC. Kit

I hope you keep posting ... you’re definitely not alone in finding sudden and/or early termination, for whatever reason, painful. Ideally, we would end therapy when we are ready....If there is any sort of a bond with the therapist, which most therapists try to work to create/facilitate, this would be painful for almost anyone.. as far as I know. Some people use a therapist as a service provider only. If the therapist is.. I’m not sure how to put this.. that could be possible. If early termination happens, this would eliminate the hurt. (((( hugs ))))

Thank you. It is hard. It’s an intense relationship I think as you tell them so much and then they’re just gone. I do wish I could have had longer with her... I think we were going in the right direction for sure.

I will. I do like the support here. From my end I definitely felt I had some kind of bond with her, I told her most stuff and found her easy to talk to. She was a great listener (as most therapists are I’m sure!) but also a great empathiser, and it was interesting to listen to her stories too. I think she talked more than my previous therapists but I kind of liked that... I mean, you don’t know what they think or feel. She told me of course she gets attached and it’s hard for them too as they get close to their patients. That did help a little... but it still sucks!

She definitely sounds like a good T.. I’m in the same forest and haven’t found a t who cares. Blank screen at best.. at worst.. grrr (Edited)

I do think the termination was very sub optimal though. As it was so sudden. I wish it wasn’t like that here.

Even so, I’d have preferred that experience to any of the experiences I personally have had in therapy. And I do trim my fur and claws before I visit them

I think she was a great T but in a way that makes it so much harder to leave! I always struggle navigating the relationship so much because I get attached pretty easily! I should have maybe mentioned that early on sorry to hear you haven’t had a great experience in your therapy! Hopefully if you need it again you’ll find someone who can really help you

I’m wondering if you’re saying you should maybe have mentioned that early on to the therapist? I’m guessing that as she’s a good T she would know that kind and sensitive people tend to get attached quite easily.. especially if they have hope that the therapist is kind and intelligent, which yours obviously is . And also waiting a long time for therapy