[Lrad123]

My T apologized for the way he made me feel by deciding to no longer respond to emails. I think he’s sincere and the adult side of me can sort of understand his reasoning and accept it even though I don’t like it. I’d really like to move on and get over this, but the younger feelings of hurt and rejection don’t just go away. It seems like they can still pop up at times. What am I supposed to do with these child-like, irrational, intense feelings that desperately want him to reply to my emails anyway even though it’s not going to happen?

[Seelenna1982]

My T would suggest allowing yourself to feel all of those feelings. Helpful right! Haha! However she might suggest writing all of these feelings and thoughts connected with them down somewhere (not to send, just to get them all out and process them) doing that might also help other issues come up, that might shine a light on the origins of some of these conflicts that may be worth bringing up in therapy.

[MRT6211]

I wish I had good advice, but I’m in a similar situation. T wants me to talk to her more in session instead of email her all of my feelings. And if I’m struggling she told me I need to call her, rather than writing her an email about what I’m feeling. I’m meeting her halfway right now, and I email her and ask her to call me and tell her what hours I’m available. It just seems easier that way. She doesn’t seem to mind this system.

I think maybe it’s important to remember that it’s not personal and T still cares about you. I know that’s hard, especially when you’re feeling that child mode (I find myself doing that a lot lately, too). Try to tell yourself that T is only doing this to help you. I know that’s hard.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

What am I supposed to do with these child-like, irrational, intense feelings that desperately want him to reply to my emails anyway even though it’s not going to happen?

are you familiar with doing any inner child or 'parts' work? you can approach this by listening too, acknowledging, and providing comfort for the younger part(s) of yourself by reassuring the younger Lrad123 that what they are feeling is ok and perfectly normal considering the circumstances, but no matter what your T has done to make them feel this way that you are here to help keep them safe.

a good book to read in regards to healing those younger parts of ourselves who have suffered from early trauma and neglect is this one by trauma therapist Janina Fisher, "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors":

Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Janina Fisher: 9780415708234: Amazon.com: Books

[ScarletPimpernel]

What you do with those feelings is work through them with your T. Talk about them as much as you need to.

In a crisis, my T wants me to call her too. Actually, she wants me to call her before I breakdown. That's really difficult to do! And I hate talking on the phone. But, I push myself to do it. Well, at least when I can identify when it's time.

[Ididitmyway]

There is a wealth of material of how to do the inner child work and also Shadow work - books, websites, youtube channels..Just google it and you'll find something that would suit your needs.

I found that it's much easier (and healthier, frankly) to work with those raw young feelings outside of therapy. As I said, there is plenty of guidance on how to do that you can find online. I've done more work and better quality work of this kind on my own, without a therapist.

[Anne2.0]

It's been helpful to me to have a conversation with my younger self/feelings, which means I have to acknowledge them and accept them as reasonable given her limitations. Sort of like the Gestalt "talk to the chair" (which I actually find stupid), I reassure my younger self that it's normal to be resentful and angry, but that T is trying to be helpful and is there for us in so many ways (describe them).

But that also means accepting that sometimes these feelings will not resolve completely, or will take time to resolve, and that it's normal for them to come bubbling up when you least expect it. Just around the time I've accepted that I'll always feel ____, they seem to dissipate.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by koru_kiwi

are you familiar with doing any inner child or 'parts' work? you can approach this by listening too, acknowledging, and providing comfort for the younger part(s) of yourself by reassuring the younger Lrad123 that what they are feeling is ok and perfectly normal considering the circumstances, but no matter what your T has done to make them feel this way that you are here to help keep them safe.

a good book to read in regards to healing those younger parts of ourselves who have suffered from early trauma and neglect is this one by trauma therapist Janina Fisher, "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors":

Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Janina Fisher: 9780415708234: Amazon.com: Books

I just got this book. Really interesting. Thanks.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

I just got this book. Really interesting. Thanks.

no worries! similar to what IDIMY said, i did a lot of my parts work outside of therapy on my own time between sessions (with the support of my husband too) and made a lot of positive progress with it.