[sidony]

Okay that subject line is a bit crass, but it's the best description I can think of. I just got in from group a couple of hours ago. I actually pleaded the fifth at one point in tonight's session. I mean, there are just some things I can't answer! We were talking about competitiveness because one of the girls in the group had said to me that she felt like she and I were rivals. I said I don't feel that way and never had. And at some point during that exchange T asked me if I cared whether or not he liked me better than her or vice versa. Like trying to force me to feel competitive or something. Well of course I care, but hell if I'm willing to pursue that one. I mean, obviously I want him to like me better than anyone else but I know that isn't realistic, that he's close to all his clients. So what's the point in being competitive? I never viewed her as my rival. At any rate, when she first asked the question it was about me being her rival for the attention of the group as a whole (not T in particular). I said I wasn't trying to compete, so someone in the group asked why I didn't care enough to want to fight for his attention. And I'm like because I think you'll give that to me if I want it! I don't think I have to!

Do you see how this is a headf#$k? I try to figure out whether I really am competitive but am suppressing it or what. T says I distance myself. I think he's right.

Lately it makes me think.

Sidony

[Perna]

Sounds close to a double bind to me. Have you quit beating your wife? :-)

I find it hard to admit and feel my feelings of competition when I'm trying to be "reasonable" and logical at the same time. Sometimes some of the "bad" feelings we're not "willing to pursue" because it brings us "down" to "their" level. But if we feel that way, then we're already down there aren't we? LOL

I got extremely upset 10+ years ago because a very good friend needed a kidney transplant and the hospital sends out folders to all the people on their "list" and I got one. I love her dearly and would "die" for her but you should have seen me try to rationalize not going for testing to see if I'd be compatible, LOL. I "talk" big but then it comes time to act and I don't feel so good anymore. It's hard when we have to face what we "are" versus what we'd like to be or see ourselves as being.

[lauren_helene]

Oh Sid what an annoyance! Honestly, hats off to you for having both individual and group, I can barely survive individual as I'm still quite fragile about sharing my inner most feelings and I've been with my T almost two years.

Sharing in group? Me? I admire you so much for sticking this out.

[okiedokie]

Sid,
I think your post title is perfect. Describes group perfectly. I know, I'm in one.

Okie

[sidony]

Thanks guys.

Perna: yeah it seems like a double bind sometimes. I wonder if the point is just to show that we all still think like little bitty children even if we try to hide it as adults. I said I wanted to be closer to people, but still. There are limits. It gives me stuff to think about though.

Sidony

First, I have to share something funny with you. You wrote: Group therapy is a head****. Two sessions ago, my T and I were talking about the erotic transference stuff and I sighed. He asked what the sigh meant and I said, "It means: therapy is...... WHAT THE %#@&#!!?" He loved that and said it was the best description of therapy he has ever heard. He even said it again last week, haha. So I just had to mention that because your title was so close to what I had said to T.

Um, basically if my T asked me if it mattered whether he liked me or another girl better.... I would probably tackle the other girl to the ground.

I give you a lot of credit for sticking with this.

[Rapunzel]

Sidony, your comments in your post are great. Why not say exactly that in group? Group is all about learning to be in the here and now and be your real self and say what you are really thinking and feeling, isn't it?

This right here is a perfect answer:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Well of course I care, but hell if I'm willing to pursue that one. I mean, obviously I want him to like me better than anyone else but I know that isn't realistic, that he's close to all his clients. So what's the point in being competitive? I never viewed her as my rival.

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[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sidony said:
And at some point during that exchange T asked me if I cared whether or not he liked me better than her or vice versa.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Hmmmm, thinks highly of himself, doesn't he? lol, honestly, everyone in your group sounds like 2 year olds! I would call him on weird statements like that. It's not all about him! JMO.

This is one of the reasons I don't think it's OK for a T to have his/her individual clients in groups. It totally IS a headf#$k. And I honestly wonder what it does to their countertransference..."see a whole room of people who adore me! Goodie!".

Sorry...i am in bad head space for all T's right now.....and for the foreseeable future.

Campy

[sidony]

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sunrise said:
Hmmmm, thinks highly of himself, doesn't he? lol, honestly, everyone in your group sounds like 2 year olds! I would call him on weird statements like that. It's not all about him! JMO.

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Group is hard to explain. I don't think he was saying that out of arrogance -- I think he was trying a different frame of reference because the one the girl was providing didn't work for me. Yes, it sounds like little kids! That's the weird part -- learning that you still have the same feelings as you did when you were a little kid -- feeling jealous, wanting to be liked the most, etc. I think the idea is that figuring out your basic emotions can help in communicating. It's complex and hard, and a lot of times I feel embarrassed by how we sound trying to express those things.

Sidony

[sidony]

Pink!

Yup, I loved your description of therapy. I've been following a lot of the threads even though I haven't been as responsive lately.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:

Um, basically if my T asked me if it mattered whether he liked me or another girl better.... I would probably tackle the other girl to the ground.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Haha. It is intense! Sometimes group really stirs up my emotions. Other times I think it's pointless and useless or worse. I'm currently positively disposed towards it. Will see if that lasts....

Sidony