I'm a T who just got fired...

I'm so confused and angry and upset right now... I can't believe this has happened. I have worked for a community mental health center for 2 1/2 years. Last week I was told I could resign or get fired. Two months ago they made me transfer from another clinic though I didnt want to... my boss and I couldn't get along. Now after two months at this new day treatment center, my new boss has essentially fired me. She's 29 years old and still an social work intern in the masters program, yet they hired her as Clinic Coordinator (!!!!!). I don't get that. But anyway, I'm 27 with an LCSW and more professional experience then her, yet I was under her. I can't help but think a lot of this has to do with her feeling threatened (are people really that petty???). Regardless, she wrote me up three times in two days for "insubordination." I hate that word. It means, "you have a voice and you use it." She's the type who wants a "how high" when she says jump. I was given the option to resign, so I took it. Last Wednesday I turned in a 3 week notice, which would give me enough time for closure with each client. An hour after I turned my resignation in, she came to my office and told me that she accepts my resignation, but she'd like it effective immediately. She wanted me to get my things and turn in my key right then. Unbelievable. I guess she thought I'd leave quietly but I went across the hall (where I was about to facilitate group therapy) and told the clients there I was leaving. They starting crying and such... broke my heart. I was only there for two months but clients became very attached, as I'm sure many of you can understand. I can't believe she would do that in the middle of the workday. I couldn't just leave without saying anything to the clients!!! There were 40 there that day for our Thanksgiving party. Now I'm unemployed and soon to be broke, but all thats on my mind is my patients and if they're gonna be okay. This must be so damaging to them.

i'm sorry this has happened to you LuLu.. normally i post in depression but i could feel some despair in your words... come talk to us sometime if you like..

Eeeek.

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Unbelievable. I guess she thought I'd leave quietly but I went across the hall (where I was about to facilitate group therapy) and told the clients there I was leaving. They starting crying and such... broke my heart. I was only there for two months but clients became very attached, as I'm sure many of you can understand.

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are you saying that you were so concerned about your clients that you thought it was more appropriate to horribly upset them by announcing your abrupt departure than by letting someone else at the clinic handle the situation with more sensitivity to the clients feelings? sorry, but that sounds very self-centered to me.

you might be completely right about your former employer railroading you, but maybe there really were some problems on both sides. being fired really sucks, but it can also be a terrific learning experience if you're open to it. i hope you find more work soon.

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but all thats on my mind is my patients and if they're gonna be okay. This must be so damaging to them.

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LuLu,

I'm sure your patients are upset with the change in facilitators but to walk across the hall and dump on them is so unprofessional, and even more damaging. I think you should get a T for yourself so you can work through these feelngs before you start handling fragile clients again.

I do wish you luck and I do feel for you in that difficult work situation. Your boss sounds like she was on a power trip. I had that experience once myself. However, your patients concerns always have to come first. It's sort of like parenting.

Peace

> you were so concerned about your clients that you thought it was more appropriate to horribly upset them by announcing your abrupt departure than by letting someone else
> at the clinic handle the situation with more sensitivity

> to walk across the hall and dump on them...

Hmmm. A lot of assumptions here, it seems to me...

Pachyderm, thank you.
Everyone else, your harsh words are completely uncalled for. You clearly misunderstood or your comments would have been supportive. I'm not going to defend my attempt to handle the situation in a professional and ethical manner. Please don't post anything else negative, I'm feeling ****** enough.

Hi LuLu,

Your situation reminds me of a bad situation that I was in. I worked at a residential treatment center for a little over a year. It was my first job after staying home for several years, and I had just finally finished my B.A. in Psychology (which I had done all of the requirements 13 years previously, but didn't graduate because I thought it wouldn't help me at the bachelor's level and didn't think I had a chance in this field anyway - long story and, to shorten it, I'm in this community for a reason).

So, I thought that my $6/hour job where it was clear they didn't pay me to think was the best I could do, at least at first. Over the months, I started to think that I should be seeing some promotions, which were all being offered to young college students who had not worked there as long as I had. The director was 10 years younger than I was and had a bachelor's degree in psychology. I was seeing more and more things in how they did things there that bothered me. The girls in the program walked on eggshells constantly because the program was so punitive, and they never knew when they would be 'consequenced' for something, even if they did nothing wrong.

I started asking why I was not being considered for open positions. I cared a lot about those girls, and wanted to stay and try to help them, and was tired of feeling helpless, and also being overworked and underpaid. I was strung along for a long time, being told that I was being considered for the positions I wanted and the people who got them were more suitable for one reason or another. I enrolled in a master's program in mental health counseling, and the program owner was asking me about doing therapy for them as a student intern (way earlier than the program would have allowed for it), and hinted about wanting me as assistant director. But they gave the AD job to a 20-year-old girl who was studying some other field, because she had become the director's best friend.

I asked again, about not being promoted, and the director told me that, being in my 30s, I was too old for the girls to relate to, and I should really find another job. That night I totaled my van as I was trying to drive home - I was dissociating and didn't see a stop sign.

Soon after that, I discovered that I had a voice and could use it, and said something about the AD interrupting a group that I was running to tell the girls to get ready for a birthday party, and then yelling at the girls and consequencing every one of them for doing it too loudly. Because I said it was wrong, I was kept after work and lectured about insubordination until past midnight. I did tell the girls that I watched when they went to their unit to go to bed that I wasn't sure I would be allowed back, and to remember that I did care about them, although the director would probably tell them that I didn't (her usual line about past staff).

I rode my bycycle home in the dark, about 5 miles, and couldn't even get out of bed the next day. I tried to call the director all day to say I couldn't work, and she never answered her cell phone or checked messages. The AD called to ask why I didn't show up for my shift, and then asked if she should take me off the schedule and I said I guess.

I had another job the next day, part time, but more per hour. I was mostly upset about the girls, and that they might think I abandoned them. I had been there a little more th an a year, and had seen almost complete staff turnover. The director was the only one of the staff who regularly worked with the girls who was still there out of everyone who was there when I started.

I guess I just wanted to say that I understand about underqualified supervisors feeling threatened when they realize that you are more qualified. It is too bad that the clients get hurt, but you will find another job and will be better off than you were there. It's tempting to spread the word about who you were working for, but that might hurt the clients more.

Keep moving forward! Do get therapy for yourself if needed, so that you can deal with what has happened and be able to be there for your clients. I was already in therapy, and my T was pleased that I was out of that environment. Maybe it's best for you to be out of there too. Power struggles between staff or therapists are not going to have a good effect on anyone, including yourself or the people you serve.

TC,
Rap

That does sound very confusing and upsetting. I hope you can find another agency that will give you a chance and that has a structure more to your liking. Do you still have "friends" at the first setting that you can get references from and some support?

Have you thought about therapy to deal with these feelings??? I can't help it, but your coming here telling us about your issues reminds me of how my mother would sit me down as a child and tell me about her problems. I'm sure its all very upsetting for you, honestly, but I'm not sure that people here are in a position to really help you.

LuLu: probably many people here (myself included) have had bad experiences with therapists, so that if anyone comes here identifying herself as actually being one of them, you can expect some jumping to conclusions as to what you are like. I do that in my life also.

I'm not one to stir anything up ... but i think that we're kind of missing the reason to why Lulu made her post in the first place. She came here (just as anyone else) and expressed to us how she was feeling. Now I completely understand how people may be hurt by how she reacted in regards to her clients, but her post wasn't about that. Her post was about how she felt hurt, and she came here looking for support. Just because she is a T herself, she is first and foremost a person just as anyone of us is here, and i think that her post should be responded to without any sort of judgments to what she does for a living.
I'm not trying to insult anyone or anything, i have absolutely nothing against any of you ... i just wanted to say that on Lulu's behalf. She's hurting here, and I think that should be our main priority.

Okay. I'll admit my response was hasty. It's just that it did not seem appropriate to approach the clients after being asked to leave. I am NOT saying that it was right for the boss to ask you to leave, just that maybe it would have been better if you had left and worked on these feelings afterward in therapy.

This is the psychotherapy forum. And we often point out things to one another that may lead us to deeper understandings of our relationshps with our therapists. For example, you mentioned that you were transferred to this location because you couldn't get along with your previous boss. That means that you had issues with two supervisors in a row. Do you need to look within to figure out what may be behind these feelings? A therapist can help you do that. Then you can aproach your next job armed with coping strategies!

Best of luck.

I would also suggest a therapist to help you address some of the issues you raised in your first post, along with coping techniques for overall.

The field you have chosen to practice in is very demanding emotionally, and anyone in that field could use extra help to cope.

I too wish you best, and hope you will take this situation and grow from it.

Take care.

(((lulu))) How traumatic! The good thing about it is, you are young. You have learned a valuable lesson and I doubt it will be played on you again with success.

Please be sure to send in a rebuff to your reprimands. By law they must be added to your file, and if the reprimands are shared with a new employer, so much your rebuffs. So make them tasty and to the point nicely for the new employer to read, ok?

I have much to say about how ppl react with new found power, but that isn't what you need to hear.

Alas! It doesn't sound good at all, and at holiday time too! Is there an organization that you can contact for support? What about complaints? Certainly both of the clinics' supervisors are under some licensing board... I would suggest checking with them to see if you have a leg to stand on. Plus, since the boss accepted your resignation, then you need to demand the 3 week's pay too. It isn't uncommon to be released from attendance once a resignation has been accepted.

It would be interesting to see if the new boss fired you to put someone who is a friend into your position.

I agree that you should see therapy. Who better to help support you than someone who may have come through the same fire by trial as you? It isn't the end of the world, though I know it feels that way.

Come back and post more, or PM me if you wish.

PS I fully understand your wishing to give those patients a decent goodbye. I didn't assume you vented on them at all. From my perspective, what they received from you was less traumatic than if the admin had stopped by and didn't tell them anything but that YOU LEFT THEM. This way, you told them yourself, being personal, and they were able to share their tears. They won't feel anger at you now, I'm pretty sure. If they do experience anger, it might be at the admin. Patients rule, and they will make noise if the new supervisor continues her ways.

I'm sorry you are in this predicament. If you don't find work soon, then don't beat yourself up over it...try and enjoy the days off ...really! Your next position might be very demanding!

just a question .. do you still get to keep your licensure?
if so then .. do the obvious. Dont let bitterness eat you up inside - let it go. .there are many places in need of your help. Unemployment is never easy but does not last forever. i know you are feeling bad at this point.. your clients will be fine..may have to adjust to a new T but will be fine.
i know you say that clients get attached to their T's but sounds like some T's get attached to their clients as well.
Change as you know for anyone is uncomfortable but some changes bring better things..more opprotunities(sp?)
You say you are 27 ... still young .. you have a bright future ahead for yourself. Be encouraged! Not trying to discount how you are feeling now but try to encourage yourself..affirmations etc..
Bette Midler would say F&^% em if they cant take a joke

i'm sorry this has happened to you. i'm not going to take sides between you and your supervisor and say it was fair/unfair because i do not know the full circumstances besides that you say it was insubordination, which could be taken many different ways. What i do agree with you on is going into your group and letting them all know. i think the way you worded your post it made it sound like you stormed away from your supervisor and into the room where your clients were and said, "GUESS WHAT! I'm leaving, yea sucks, but it's not my fault". i don't think that is how it went at all. i think you gave it to them more gently than how you worded it. and being a T, i'm sure you handled it well and didn't devastate them even more, you just gave them proper closure. Now, pick yourself up from the bootstraps, take it as a learning experience, (even though it sucks, but that's how most learning experiences go), and move on to better things where you will be happier, so in turn you will be able to help your clients more sufficiently. Good luck to you, and keep us updated

Lulu I'm sorry you had to go through that. A lot of those earlier posts were a bit harsh I think. this is just me but...if I were one of your clients I would have much preferred being notified by you than by somebody who I was less familiar with. I think a lot of people jumped to the conclusion that you "dumped" it on them rather than that you simply let them know what was going on to avoid further negative effect upon them.

even the worst experiences can be learning experiences...try to keep your chin up about it. Something better is to come.

Hi -

Just wanted to say that I was sorry that you had to experience this during the start of the holiday season. Your ex-bss has alot to learn about being a boss. Tact is not one of her strong points.

Islander

I was sorry to read of this too... It only goes to show you how negative personalities can be in *any* profession, even the helping ones.

The timing of your being let go wasn't nice either... Someone with more tact and experience would've waited until after the holiday, or even until after the Christmas season because that's when a lot of clients need support.

It's a horrible, horrible feeling and I hope you recognize, eventually, that this was a blessing in disguise. Why work for people who are so unthoughtful and poor bosses? Your skills would be lost on such people...

Hang in there,
J

have been in your shoes so to speak, only I wasn't permitted to tell the ppl anything so I was there one day gone the next, the rumors we're outrageous, glad you got to tell your folks what happened
Angie

I'm feeling better about things as the days go by.... Thank you all for your concern.

At the time this all went down, I did feel it was best to tell the clients myself... I felt they deserved that, and it was out of respect. I absolutely did not make it about me, but instead told them there would be another therapist coming soon and it would all be okay. Before I was hired two months ago, there was another therapist fired. And now two other staff members have turned in their resignation letters. For many of these clients, the Day Treatment Center is all they have in terms of support and stability. Many of them live in the homeless shelter down the street. I understand that the day I left they were losing not only me, but they were losing a sense of safety and trust that they just now were regaining after the loss of the last therapist. If I were one of them, I'd rather hear the news from the therapist instead of from someone else. Those few minutes were all the closure they were going to get, and it was better than none.

I'm lucky enough to have several references from this company. I had the most wonderful coworkers anyone could ask for. And I have a great relationship with the clinic psychiatrist. He has been supportive and has offered to write a letter of recommendation if I need it.

I'm slowly letting go of the bitterness and I'm trying to draw strength from this experience. After all, it did happen for a reason, and instead of waiting for the reason to come to me, I'm out chasing it. Thank you all for the words of encouragement they are greatly needed and appreciated!

LuLu,

I'm glad you are feeling better.

How rude of them to fire you!

It doesn't sound like a very good place to work!!! I hope you can get what you need, and move on smoothly.

Keep us posted on how you are feeling -

Hugs,

EJ