I fired my T

One time by my pdoc said to me "I'm your pdoc until you fire me"

Do you ever feel you are only moving sideways not making progress? I'm feeling that way. I have been seeing my T every week for over 2 years. I like her but.........

Lately I feel I'm not making any progress (forwards/backwards, just something). I know it's me not progressing, not her not therapying (I don't think that's a word). I have put up a wall (she says this is a good thing for me to realize this). I know it's me. So......

I'm don't do the things I could/should do to help relieve my depression. If I'm not going to try why should I expect others to.

Back to firing my T. I didn't really tell her that she was fired only I just wasn't going to make another appointment.

Do either therapy or therapists wear out? (I've had several therapists over the years but stopped see them for none therapy reasons)

Why would you fire someone who is trying to help?

((((((((((((((( froggy )))))))))))))))

Trying to help is not enough. If something/someone isn't helping then why would you continue? Fault-finding is not all that useful. You are "doing" something if you fired your T. I don't know who said or how you came to believe it was "you" not trying to help your depression but I kind of doubt that is 100% true as our "body" self has its own ideas of "life" and what is needed to sustain it that our heads can't necessarily see/override. It could be that not seeing progress with this T was depressing you further and so firing her was a "good" thing.

((( Keb )))

Would any of this apply?

Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Each one of us is blessed with the ability to want. Some desire to achieve financial success, some to change the world, and others simply desire to change themselves for the better. Each one of us also has the power to make what we want become reality. Often, however, we subtly undermine our efforts by refusing support, adopting an air of ambivalence, over-committing, being indecisive, or listening to our doubts. This is self-sabotage. Sometimes it's not a deficiency of desire, intelligence, skill, or effort that is holding you back, but an internal tug-of-war based on fear. You know what you want from life but consciously or sub-consciously get in the own way of your efforts. There is a conflict between your desires and your feelings of worth and entitlement.

Self-sabotaging behavior can affect your motivation and your drive. You may drown your strong desires in television or food, avoid facing potentially challenging situations, or simply retreat inward. Accepting challenges, growing, making tough decisions, and working hard can seem truly frightening. It is easier to continue doing what you've always done. But the more you turn away from the means to achieve your life's dreams, the more your self-esteem and confidence is damaged. In that way, self-sabotage is cyclical. You shy away from getting what you want and then believe you lack the ability to get what you want. Self-sabotage can inspire feelings of depression, frustration, discouragement, and even anger because you are working against yourself. If you feel you have sabotaged your own efforts, remember and write down times in which you did so. Don't use the information to judge yourself. Rather, try to avoid similarly sabotaging yourself in the future.

Then, recognize that all worthwhile goals will take patience, organization, work, and a measure of confidence. Self-sabotage nearly always comes from feelings of inadequacy or underservedness, but those feelings can be overcome by giving yourself an extra portion of nurturing and love when you're working out a problem or formulating a long-term plan. All wants are special and valid and learning to overcome self-sabotage is an important part of achieving what you desire.

http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2005/404.html

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kebsfroggy said:
Do you ever feel you are only moving sideways not making progress?

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Yes, I reached that point with my first therapist. She was a nice lady and taught me some CBT techniques for dealing with depression, but we reached a point where she was not helping me move forward, despite my own desire to work and progress. I needed something beyond what she could provide. I had reached the limit of her skill set. Knowing that didn't make her any less nice or any less helpful when I first saw her. I had simply outgrown her and needed to move on in order to progress. I have a different therapist now and it was the best thing I have done to help myself in years. Change can be good!

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I know it's me not progressing, not her not therapying (I don't think that's a word). I have put up a wall (she says this is a good thing for me to realize this). I know it's me.

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Are you really sure it's just you? If you have lost the desire to progress, sometimes taking time off from therapy can be helpful. I tried that first with my first therapist, and took a break of 4 months or so, then came back ready to work, but again, she couldn't really help me. But for you, maybe taking a break will help remotivate you and then you will be able to return and make new progress with your T.

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I'm don't do the things I could/should do to help relieve my depression. If I'm not going to try why should I expect others to.

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Maybe a fresh set of eyes on your depression and a new approach would be helpful. My first therapist was CBT and was focused on helping me deal with the symptoms of my depression, rather than really getting at the root of what was causing my depression and helping me surmount that. She did help me feel somewhat better, but for me, symptom management only goes so far. My second therapist was able to and not scared to go to the core with me, and help me deal with my problems. Maybe you need a fresh approach like I did.

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Back to firing my T. I didn't really tell her that she was fired only I just wasn't going to make another appointment.

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Sounds like you left the door open for yourself while you take a little time and decide what it is you want. That's good!

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Do either therapy or therapists wear out?

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We can indeed outgrow a specific therapist and what he/she has to offer.

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Why would you fire someone who is trying to help?


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Ummm, because even though she is trying to help, it isn't helpful to you?

I think calling it "firing my therapist" is a negative way to look at it. It implies she is doing something wrong, and maybe her brand of "help" is not wrong, but just not helpful to you now. How about "moving on to get the help I need"?

I guess... for me, I have had several T.. in my lifetime.. I learn from each one... but there does come a time that for me I feel I outgrow them.. and change for me is good.. I mean... sometimes.. just a change of perspective is good..

With this last one.. for one thing he is really skilled.. has a very strong set of skills..

But sometimes it is simply.. this one is easy to get to - so am not stressing about the driving there and back - so I am relaxed when we talk... he takes my insurance so I am not stressing about money - more relaxation.. 2 times a week... compared with every other week...
she took vacations (2 weeks) at a time frequently.. and that was upsetting... so all in all.. my current T is further ahead.. because I am in a more relaxed, trusting state.. and that is even before I get there..

So I was with my last T 3-4 years... and this one.. coming up on one year.. change for me was good...

Thanks Perna, Petunia and Sunrise.

Guess I need a break, quite possibly a new therapy, definitely an attitude adjustment.

Now I just need to get logic and reason to override illness and learned responses.

Thanks for the hug Fuzzy.