[Soybeans]

I've only done this once before and it was like over 5 pages typed of things I wanted to talk about or tell him that I knew I could never do verbally. I'm at that point where I need to do it again but I feel like this would be hugely annoying to my T to have to read so much, or that I'm being a coward and taking the easy way out by not verbally telling him. I'm also will not sit there and read what I wrote out loud, I can't do it. Do you guys do this? I know some of you have written e-mails about things you want to talk about in session and stuff, but I don't have in between session access so this is really the only way I can kind of give a 'heads up' about what I need to talk about. I feel guilty

[zoiecat]

I give my T a 2 page typed letter once every 2 or three months, sometimes more often. I will usually hand it to him at the beginning of session but I have emailed them the night before if it involves things that he has done to upset me. That way he can read it before session and have a head's up on how to respond. My T always thanks me for these letters because it gives him information about what is going on in my head. I don't know if I would send a 4 page letter. He would probably not get through discussing one that long in one session. 2 pages for my T usually take almost the entire session and sometimes more to deal with. Maybe write out everything you want to say and cut the initial letter down a bit. Then write up the rest for the next session. That way he can give you more thorough responses to your thoughts. Unless you really don't want a response, then I wouldn't see a problem with a 5 page letter. I know my T always wants to address most of my issues whether I care to talk about it or not.

[nottrustin]

I sent an email to T a couple of timea after really intense appointments; one was after th were was a lot going on and T asked me some painful questions. I sent her a pretty long email answering the questions. I sent it to her knowing it would be really long so she would print it out to read and then we would discuss in our next appointment. It would hove her time to read and process. It was a way that worked doe jer. Once it ended up being 4 typed pages

[LabRat27]

Your therapist is being paid. It's not a coffee date. It's not your job to be entertaining. The important thing is being able to use the sessions for therapeutic benefit, not having pleasant conversation. If having your therapist read the letter would help therapy be more beneficial for you, go for it.

I regularly (like every week or two) have my therapist read several written pages, college ruled paper with fairly small handwriting.
It's been really helpful because it gets the topic and things I need to say out there when I struggle to actually say them. After a few sessions in which I didn't do that and had a much harder time talking he actually suggested it as something I could do again because it had been helpful.

It helps him when I actually tell him what's going on. And letters are the way I'm able to do that.
Your therapist should want to help you, and any good therapist would be glad if there's something like writing a letter that will help them help you better.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I have given huge amounts of text to my T before (when I was writing down the content of all flashbacks I had each week the average was about 10 pages each week). He'd usually ask me whether there was a part I wanted to discuss and he would read the rest between sessions.

[SlumberKitty]

I've found it helpful to write out things to tell my therapist. I think the longest I ever sent her on email was about three pages. But it helped get stuff out there that I just wasn't verbalizing.

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

I give my T a 2 page typed letter once every 2 or three months, sometimes more often. I will usually hand it to him at the beginning of session but I have emailed them the night before if it involves things that he has done to upset me. That way he can read it before session and have a head's up on how to respond. My T always thanks me for these letters because it gives him information about what is going on in my head. I don't know if I would send a 4 page letter. He would probably not get through discussing one that long in one session. 2 pages for my T usually take almost the entire session and sometimes more to deal with. Maybe write out everything you want to say and cut the initial letter down a bit. Then write up the rest for the next session. That way he can give you more thorough responses to your thoughts. Unless you really don't want a response, then I wouldn't see a problem with a 5 page letter. I know my T always wants to address most of my issues whether I care to talk about it or not.

Oof I was so anxious and nervous and scared out of my mind I can't recall how my T responded to my first letter at all. I mean he didn't say anything negative about it but I can't remember if he said it was fine or if I could do it again. I think I'd want a response on some things but not necessarily all in one session.

Originally Posted by LabRat27

Your therapist is being paid. It's not a coffee date. It's not your job to be entertaining. The important thing is being able to use the sessions for therapeutic benefit, not having pleasant conversation. If having your therapist read the letter would help therapy be more beneficial for you, go for it.

I regularly (like every week or two) have my therapist read several written pages, college ruled paper with fairly small handwriting.
It's been really helpful because it gets the topic and things I need to say out there when I struggle to actually say them. After a few sessions in which I didn't do that and had a much harder time talking he actually suggested it as something I could do again because it had been helpful.

It helps him when I actually tell him what's going on. And letters are the way I'm able to do that.
Your therapist should want to help you, and any good therapist would be glad if there's something like writing a letter that will help them help you better.

Thank you, I keep forgetting that I'm not there to not hurt their feelings, to not bore them, to not pretend my way through this. Ugh I'm so scared to though

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I've found it helpful to write out things to tell my therapist. I think the longest I ever sent her on email was about three pages. But it helped get stuff out there that I just wasn't verbalizing.

Yeah.. what I say in person is usually just the tiny tip of the iceberg and I keep the rest of the entire chunk of ice below the surface quiet and writing is the only way I can get it out, or it would take over a year of awkward stutters and mumbles getting the same information out and by then it wouldn't even be relevant...

Nope . and Don't even read the reallllly long posts on this site.
Maybe if something is really hard to talk about with T. Start by just writing down what it is. But writing a while story. No way hosey.
Seems to a(n) nal

[MRT6211]

I’m going to come off weird, I think, but yes, definitely...the longest one I wrote was a 16 page typed single spaced letter about everything significant in my past that was affecting me today. That was months into therapy with this therapist, and I hadn’t shared anything truly personal with her before that. I just opened the floodgates with that one and then we ended up doing really, really great work from then on. And our work centered on my writing. I wrote to her every day, and I write to my T now every day. I write journals, essentially, but written to T. I send them the night before session, she reads them, and then we talk about what I wrote. For me, therapy works better this way. I can never get myself to bring up difficult subjects in person. I shut down or don’t say directly what I’m thinking or mean, usually. My journals each week tend to be 5-10 pages. I’m lucky to have Ts that have been able to accommodate this.

I feel weird. I can type and print up to 50 pages, double printed, 12 pt font of journals to my T...

[DP_2017]

Yep. More than once, however, he asked for them. He offered to read them on his own time.

In session., longest I've read out loud is 3 pages. Every t is different on what they are ok with reading

[LabRat27]

Originally Posted by Jessica11

Nope . and Don't even read the reallllly long posts on this site.
Maybe if something is really hard to talk about with T. Start by just writing down what it is. But writing a while story. No way hosey.
Seems to a(n) nal

It's totally fine if it's not your style, and at the same time I think it's important to remember that different things work for different people, and a good T should try to help their patient/client in the way that's most helpful for them.
There's no right or wrong way to do it. If you're communicating with your therapist so that issues can be addressed, that's the most important thing.

The difference between posts on here and therapy is that people here are not under any obligation to provide time and support and emotional energy, and any amount that they do is a kindness. A therapist is being paid to prioritize effectively meeting your needs during that time.

[Fuzzybear]

We do indeed pay our therapists to put our needs above their own.. at least that is the idea. Not all of them are compliant though.

For some people who aren’t used to verbalising, writing things down can be helpful.. if this is allowed. Some therapists are so controlling and into themselves they don’t allow this.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I feel weird. I can type and print up to 50 pages, double printed, 12 pt font of journals to my T...

I'm at least as weird as you then. At the beginning of my therapy with current T I would give my weekly journals, routinely 25 or 30 single spaced pages, and he would read them. He would not usually bring anything up on his own, but he did thank me for the "feedback" when I wrote a long rant about an interaction where he refused to react like I wanted him too, which was to basically agree that I was a bad person.

Originally Posted by LabRat27

It's totally fine if it's not your style, and at the same time I think it's important to remember that different things work for different people, and a good T should try to help their patient/client in the way that's most helpful for them.
There's no right or wrong way to do it. If you're communicating with your therapist so that issues can be addressed, that's the most important thing.

The difference between posts on here and therapy is that people here are not under any obligation to provide time and support and emotional energy, and any amount that they do is a kindness. A therapist is being paid to prioritize effectively meeting your needs during that time.

Yeah, I'm glad some people don't impose their negative judgments on others and don't go around calling a bunch of other people an outdated Freudian term. Non judgment isn't something everyone values, unfortunately.

Personally, I'm glad my T is flexible and we have our own boundaries, just like others with their T.

Originally Posted by LabRat27

It's totally fine if it's not your style, and at the same time I think it's important to remember that different things work for different people, and a good T should try to help their patient/client in the way that's most helpful for them.
There's no right or wrong way to do it. If you're communicating with your therapist so that issues can be addressed, that's the most important thing.

The difference between posts on here and therapy is that people here are not under any obligation to provide time and support and emotional energy, and any amount that they do is a kindness. A therapist is being paid to prioritize effectively meeting your needs during that time.

I was saying how I feel about. It. Is thst wrong?

[LabRat27]

Originally Posted by Jessica11

I was saying how I feel about. It. Is thst wrong?

I think it might be more helpful to say something along the lines of "It's not something that I would personally find helpful to do with my therapist."
I try to speak from my own experience or bring up concerns that occur to me, or even make suggestions, but not tell other people what they should or shouldn't do (except in extreme circumstances when it's something really obviously dangerous).

I think there's enough self-shaming and self-judgement among members here (at least speaking for myself) that a comment calling something that other people find beneficial and constructive "****" is probably going to be hurtful, possibly to OP, and also possibly to the many members reading this who have done exactly this same thing with our Ts.

Originally Posted by LabRat27

I think it might be more helpful to say something along the lines of "It's not something that I would personally find helpful to do with my therapist."
I try to speak from my own experience or bring up concerns that occur to me, or even make suggestions, but not tell other people what they should or shouldn't do (except in extreme circumstances when it's something really obviously dangerous).

I think there's enough self-shaming and self-judgement among members here (at least speaking for myself) that a comment calling something that other people find beneficial and constructive "****" is probably going to be hurtful, possibly to OP, and also possibly to the many members reading this who have done exactly this same thing with our Ts.

So you're judging my posts. But thats OK. Behave. lol.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Jessica11

I was saying how I feel about. It. Is thst wrong?

I don't have a problem with anyone saying what they think about something and I didn't find your rather blunt way of saying so "unsupportive." If someone thinks your post is wrong, they can report you to a moderator. If the OP doesn't want to hear what you have to say, s/he can put you on ignore and so can anybody else, or anyone can just skip by any post that isn't helpful to them.

I think it's insulting and arrogant for any poster to tell anyone else how to be "supportive" to someone else and dictate the words that have to be used for that. It's your choice whether you want to follow the demands of other people who claim to be better than everyone else and know better what works for everyone else. I appreciate diversity in perspectives and in expression.

I also think, and you'll find other posts where this is true, that when questions are asked, like have you ever had this experience, it's a fine answer to say no you haven't. Groupthink is not required, nor is someone else's idea of conformity.

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I don't have a problem with anyone saying what they think about something and I didn't find your rather blunt way of saying so "unsupportive." If someone thinks your post is wrong, they can report you to a moderator. If the OP doesn't want to hear what you have to say, s/he can put you on ignore and so can anybody else, or anyone can just skip by any post that isn't helpful to them.

I think it's insulting and arrogant for any poster to tell anyone else how to be "supportive" to someone else and dictate the words that have to be used for that. It's your choice whether you want to follow the demands of other people who claim to be better than everyone else and know better what works for everyone else. I appreciate diversity in perspectives and in expression.

I also think, and you'll find other posts where this is true, that when questions are asked, like have you ever had this experience, it's a fine answer to say no you haven't. Groupthink is not required, nor is someone else's idea of conformity.

Think you. Refreshing. Post.

[stopdog]

I mailed a couple of longer letters to the woman. In my case, I did not really care whether the woman read anything I sent. For me, it was more to get it down on paper and away from me.

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by LabRat27

I think it might be more helpful to say something along the lines of "It's not something that I would personally find helpful to do with my therapist."
I try to speak from my own experience or bring up concerns that occur to me, or even make suggestions, but not tell other people what they should or shouldn't do (except in extreme circumstances when it's something really obviously dangerous).

I think there's enough self-shaming and self-judgement among members here (at least speaking for myself) that a comment calling something that other people find beneficial and constructive "****" is probably going to be hurtful, possibly to OP, and also possibly to the many members reading this who have done exactly this same thing with our Ts.

I definitely found it hurtful. The very fact that i'm asking this question on this forum implies that I already feel like I'm weird and I'm judging myself harshly. Everything Jessica11 said was fine until she called it '****'. There's no need for terms like that and name calling in a supportive forum... And it's your prerogative to not read long posts on this forum but then don't reply if you don't have all the information you know?

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I don't have a problem with anyone saying what they think about something and I didn't find your rather blunt way of saying so "unsupportive." If someone thinks your post is wrong, they can report you to a moderator. If the OP doesn't want to hear what you have to say, s/he can put you on ignore and so can anybody else, or anyone can just skip by any post that isn't helpful to them.

I think it's insulting and arrogant for any poster to tell anyone else how to be "supportive" to someone else and dictate the words that have to be used for that. It's your choice whether you want to follow the demands of other people who claim to be better than everyone else and know better what works for everyone else. I appreciate diversity in perspectives and in expression.

I also think, and you'll find other posts where this is true, that when questions are asked, like have you ever had this experience, it's a fine answer to say no you haven't. Groupthink is not required, nor is someone else's idea of conformity.

I didn't like the judgement used about how what and so many other people are doing is being '****'. That part I found incredibly inappropriate.

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Yeah, I'm glad some people don't impose their negative judgments on others and don't go around calling a bunch of other people an outdated Freudian term. Non judgment isn't something everyone values, unfortunately.

Personally, I'm glad my T is flexible and we have our own boundaries, just like others with their T.

Yes thank you.

And an update, I DID give my T my long letter, he read all of it before the session and said it was fine that I communicate in writing, that I'm brave for saying everything I did, and we had an incredibly useful, fulfilling, insightful, meaningful session because of it.

Originally Posted by Soybeans

And an update, I DID give my T my long letter, he read all of it before the session and said it was fine that I communicate in writing, that I'm brave for saying everything I did, and we had an incredibly useful, fulfilling, insightful, meaningful session because of it.

Bravo! Do what works for you.

I often find it impossible to verbally share some stuff with T (it's like the words won't come out), so I'll write about it for her to read. Sometimes it takes several rounds of writing before I can even bring it up briefly verbally (much less talk about it)so it helps me when T says she's read and she says it's OK if I never want to verbalize some things. For me personally, writing helps me process, and I explain stuff better via written word. Somehow knowing that she's willing to read (at her own pace, of course) helps me feel like I'm telling her things and not struggling alone... Some words or phrases I couldn't say even in a whisper, but slowly have been able to write the words in a letter then eventually text her the words then eventually whisper then say it aloud to her.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Soybeans

I didn't like the judgement used about how what and so many other people are doing is being '****'. That part I found incredibly inappropriate.

You get to say what's inappropriate for you, and I get to disagree, especially because I don't know what the astericked word is supposed to be and I didn't say "so many other people" do anything. I prefer to be criticized accurately but that doesn't happen so often for me. But I'm moving along here and I don't need to be part of this thread.

[piggy momma]

I frequently send quite lengthy ones to him. I express myself so much better in writing than verbally.

He knows I don't need a reply - i'm just giving him a head's up for our next session.