Couch 182: Spiced Gingerbread.

I see R on skype.

Because I blocked him previously it wasn't working and I didn't know how to unblock him as he wasn't even showing up on my contact list. I emailed him this morning telling him this, he said he'd call me at the normal time. I called him on whatsapp- hey I thought we had a session at 5.05 when he didn't call.

We started at 5.25 on skype.

He said we'll it's been an odd session after 20 mins.

Logically I get it.

Emotionally I don't because I wasn't expecting him to include the previous time.

I get that it's my fault. But I don't want to live this way. So desperate and needy waiting for someone else to come save me from myself. The previous week was hell and the counter now goes back up to 168 hours.

And T just sent me a referral for someone H and I could see to help with D--apparently he remembered to send the request out to the listserv he's on after session yesterday. He said he has a few more as well.

Are you going to try the first person first or going to wait until you get the rest?

Three day work weeks are awesome. The inventory still isn't done but I don't think the President of the company will be in today so I might have a reprieve. I know the guys are working hard to get it done, they found five areas that weren't counted...might account for why the numbers don't make sense...at least in part. I'm not stressing about it as much as I was yesterday. Its out of my control. So therefore, why am I stressing about it? Kit.

He just sent me the other two, so might discuss with H. I suspect the first one might be expensive, based on his website (he's published a bunch of books and stuff). That one's a guy, the other two are women.

Today in truly random, yet painful injuries: Accidentally hitting myself in the lip with the metal plug to my hairdryer while hanging it back up. Currently icing it in the hopes that I won't have a fat lip...

He is seeing a psychiatrist. That's why he was on the Lexapro. First he was on Zoloft for a day. Then he freaked out and said he couldn't take it with his bp meds. His primary prescribed him Wellbutrin, but the psychiatrist said no. Then the psychiatrist prescribed him Lexapro at 2.5mg and he only took it for a day or two. What he's doing is going online and reading all the side affects and then thinks he has them. I know for a fact he doesn't have serotonin syndrome. Supposedly, it can cause a high heart rate. Well last night I got him to calm down for a few minutes and his heart rate went back to normal. An hour later he freaked out again, heart rate went back up, and he went to the hospital again. He just won't stay on his psych meds. And he keeps thinking he has some rare disorder and/or there's a problem with his heart. His cardiologist keeps running tests to reassure him, and they always come back normal. We keep telling him "There's nothing wrong with your heart!"

I don't know if marriage counseling will help. It might help with issues we have with chores and sex and maybe dieting, but with this? He needs his own T. And we can't afford it right now.

(((Scarlet)))

New Kitty is getting acclimated. She seems happy with our other cat and dog. She is getting more sociable and doesn't hide out so much. She's rather curious which is fun. The older cat seems to tolerate her better now. She even lets the little one come near her. I think they will be friends in time. Kit.

If they sell reindeer antlers to attach to your car windows for Xmas, why not turkey drumsticks for Thanksgiving? I think they’d look especially good with the Prius shape.

Instead of the rudolph nose it could have a pumpkin pie nose.

What's on your thanksgiving menu? We are having steak, corn, baked potatoes and pumpkin pie of course. Kit.

Sticking to my diet, probably soup, turkey, peas, and beets for dinner. Cookies (metamucil) for dessert. Goin' wild!

Will you eat breakfast? My mother never let us eat breakfast on holidays. The big meal would be served at our house or at a cousin's around 1:30 - 2. I will be having my usual coffee, oatmeal and banana breakfast.

I'm going to eat breakfast. I'm going to be at my parents house so my Dad will probably fix something like coffee cake for breakfast. We probably won't have dinner until like 4 PM. Or depends on when the football game is. Kit.

I'm sorry you didn't get your full session time. That sucks. Did you guys come to an agreement that you would only do once a week now?

Something that's worked for me when I'm feeling particularly needy is to try to just accept that that is where I'm at right now and to talk about those feelings with my therapist. He did not shame me or make me feel like he was going to abandon me for having these feelings. He validated them by saying they made sense and made me feel it was okay to have these feelings. Have you ever told R that you feel needy sometimes? I get the feeling that he would probably validate you if you talked to him about it.

Had a nice birthday lunch out with my unit, had pie and the notorious birthday song for afternoon break, and now I'm home. Cooking dinner seems sacrilegious! And no cake, the little is highly offended. Will see oldest on Thursday and we'll be eating at my sister's this year. Time for new traditions.

Have a good evening couch!

Thank you for your reply NP.

He did offer me a second slot when I got my new time table in october, but I turned it down when I was worried about running out of money when my grandmother was ill as I get £250 a month because of her. I asked for an extra session last week, but he said he didn't have any free spots and said something about sticking to our new arrangement.

He told me that he withdrew and hadn't been replying to my emails because he had noticed a pattern with me, and felt it would be better to wait until I was done emailing, as I was very ambivalent ie I'd send something then later another hostile email when I felt ignored.I wanted an immediate response so he knows how needy I am and I think he said that too. xD I'm not sure exactly what has triggered me.My first exams is still 4 weeks away, but I feel all over the place and by mood swings have been more rapid.

I guess I lost track of all the good stuff: in between he told me that he would trust as his doctor ( I've told him I want obs/gyn though! ) That had a soft spot for me and told me that he'd be reading the book I gave him for his birthday more (Oh the places you'll go by Dr Seuss) and thanked me again for it.

I hope you have a good breakfast!

I'm not sure if it was your birthday lunch but I'm glad you had a nice time.

Birthday= cake!

Can I come over?!?

I think it's linked to the stress of his job situation that's triggered this trip. Is the lexepro at the lowest dose available? Maybe he possibly had a bad reaction to it.

If he's panicking there's a lot of free stuff online about the window of tolerance and learning how to self soothe when hyper aroused.

My break from Info ends in about 25 minutes.

ETA: plus side, I actually looked good on the Target self-checkout camera just now.

Etaa: she just walked through the lobby to the restroom. Did not look thrilled to see me.

Today’s outfit, off the shoulder sweater tunic. Over sweater big belt cinched at hips.

Have a good session.

I do tend to leave out personal pronouns, I write as lazy as I talk. Yes today is my 45th birthday, and I didn't buy myself a cake, but I did bring pie to the little. The struggle is real, my diet causes Extreme Gastrointestinal Discomfort if I stray, and I would definitely stray over cake!

Happy Happy Birthday, Happy Happy Birthday! Cha Cha Cha!