[starfishing]

The short version: unintentionally learned some extremely personal information about my therapist, that I was absolutely not looking for and feel very awkward having. Wish I could forget it.

Long version: this situation is really bizarre, but I'm wondering if anyone else can relate. A coworker sent me a pre-publication academic article a friend of theirs wrote on a topic they know I'm interested in. One of the interview subjects in the article is almost certainly a family member of my therapist--you're going to have to take my word for it, but I am 99.9% sure based off of the details and circumstances involved, despite the subjects' identities having been (poorly) hidden. There is some VERY personal information in this article about my therapist.

Aside from the issues with the article (I'm going to have my coworker let the author know that some of the subjects are identifiable, since that's a big ethical problem), I'm at a loss for how to handle having this information. It is extremely intimate to the point of being things you wouldn't necessarily tell all of your close friends. It even alludes to ongoing very private issues in his personal life. I feel terrible about invading his privacy this way, even though it was a total accident, and part of me feels like I need to tell him. But it would be incredibly awkward to tell my therapist that I have all this information and figured out it was him. I have no idea how I would even describe it to him without having to recap all the details, since he likely doesn't even know his family member participated in this research, let alone what information is in the article, and even if he did know he wouldn't have expected the researcher to do such a bad job maintaining subjects' privacy.

AHH. I wish I could go back in time and not read this thing!

That sounds awful.
I wouldn't know what to do either.

[ScarletPimpernel]

When I used to research my T, I found something out about her that I wish I didn't. It's very personal. I found it on her blog, so maybe she did share with others, but I don't feel I have the right to know. I never told her I found out. I don't know what to say or how she'll react. One day I'll tell her. For now, I'm too chicken.

[Argonautomobile]

Maybe you can convince yourself the subject wasn't your T. Take that .1 % and really emphasize it in your head. That's probably what I'd do.

Good luck with it all. Sorry this happened.

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

Maybe you can convince yourself the subject wasn't your T. Take that .1 % and really emphasize it in your head. That's probably what I'd do.

Good luck with it all. Sorry this happened.

If only! If I'm really honest, I'm completely sure. It's his family member, and they're definitely talking about him.

[Lefty Seven]

What's your stance on blackmail?

[Echos Myron redux]

Personally I would have to tell him, but that's the way I am in therapy. It being a secret would feel like too much of a barrier for me.

More importantly though, what's your instinct? Is it likely to impact on your therapy and relationship with him? I agree this is the fault of the researcher. I wonder if it's worth contacting whatever institution the researcher is from if you wish to complain about the impact it has had on you.

I don't really understand. If you can recognise who /what /where then has this topic been talked about with your T already?
His works you pluck something/someone out of thin air and pin on who you know.
Maybe best to talk about it with your T after all. Perhaps, that way all that you think you know will disiputate.

It seems highly unlikely that it is your therapist, or at the very least, it seems like there will be a more likely explanation.

Were you shown the paper confidentially? Can you forward it to your therapist and explain that you are concerned it's them. That concern is more relevant to your therapy than the identity of the research subject.

[LabRat27]

Originally Posted by SorryNorma

It seems highly unlikely that it is your therapist, or at the very least, it seems like there will be a more likely explanation.

Were you shown the paper confidentially? Can you forward it to your therapist and explain that you are concerned it's them. That concern is more relevant to your therapy than the identity of the research subject.

Not necessarily that far fetched given that it's an academic article written by a friend of a coworker, so it's quite possible they're all in the same town.

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by Lefty Seven

What's your stance on blackmail?

I generally avoid it when the other party has just as much personal info about me as I do about them. But hey, maybe you're onto something

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by Jessica11

I don't really understand. If you can recognise who /what /where then has this topic been talked about with your T already?
His works you pluck something/someone out of thin air and pin on who you know.
Maybe best to talk about it with your T after all. Perhaps, that way all that you think you know will disiputate.

There are a lot of demographic and biographical background details mentioned in the article in addition to the personal information. You'll have to take my word for it, but this is not a conclusion I'm making lightly or something I'm projecting.

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by LabRat27

Not necessarily that far fetched given that it's an academic article written by a friend of a coworker, so it's quite possible they're all in the same town.

Ding ding ding! Yes, we're all in the same town, and all the research subjects were local.

[LabRat27]

Whether or not you tell your T, I'd definitely contact the corresponding author ASAP, preferably before it gets through review. You could even do so anonymously.

[SalingerEsme]

I know a few personal things about my T bc we have a mutual college friend of which he is unaware. Sometimes, this helps with my ferocious tussle with the power imbalance, and how scared I feel to be confiding csa for the first time in a peer aged male . It gives me a tiny bit of comfort that it isn't as unilateral as it seems, his knowing me but my not knowing him.

[DP_2017]

I'd tell him if it bothers you, but it's up to you.

I've personally been honest with mine about anything I've found online etc involving him. However in my case, I also know a ton of personal info because he willingly shares it so I'm used to hearing such things.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Just forward the article to your therapist and say, perhaps you are mistaken, but this article seems to perhaps be referencing him, and you thought, if so, he might want to know. Out of your hands into his.

[Myrto]

I don't get why you feel like you need to tell your therapist. It seems to me that this is about you, not him. You found out private info about him and somehow you want to discuss it with him even though it's got nothing to do with you and he already knows about it since, well, it's about him. What would be the point in telling him?

[Pennster]

Originally Posted by Myrto

I don't get why you feel like you need to tell your therapist. It seems to me that this is about you, not him. You found out private info about him and somehow you want to discuss it with him even though it's got nothing to do with you and he already knows about it since, well, it's about him. What would be the point in telling him?

Ah, I think part of the problem is that in therapy, it’s supposed to be about the client. So if a client finds out something distressing about the therapist, it can have a big impact on the client, and a bit impact on their therapy, and that’s important.

Originally Posted by starfishing

Ding ding ding! Yes, we're all in the same town, and all the research subjects were local.

It sounds like there is a possibility that others might be identifiable? Do you trust in your friend to fix that? Could you email the IRB anonymously? If edits are done that remove the possibility of identification, maybe I wouldn't say anything knowing that you could always bring it up later when the initial feelings subside.

If there was a chance the paper would be published despite the possibility of identifying people, I'd feel compelled to tell T. He could, however, be open about whatever it is and not be concerned - or - it could be very awkward. But how would you know.

[nottrustin]

Could you bring a copy of the article to your appointment with T and explain how a coworker gave you the article and your suspicions. That would allow the T to decide what to do. Maybe he does know about it and is okay with it.

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by LabRat27

Whether or not you tell your T, I'd definitely contact the corresponding author ASAP, preferably before it gets through review. You could even do so anonymously.

Yes, I'm definitely letting the author know via the friend who passed along the article. Ship already sailed on before review, but I think at least it hasn't gone to print yet.

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I'd tell him if it bothers you, but it's up to you.

I've personally been honest with mine about anything I've found online etc involving him. However in my case, I also know a ton of personal info because he willingly shares it so I'm used to hearing such things.

I see where you're coming from, but this is rather emphatically not that kind of personal info. This is the kind of personal info where a therapist deliberately sharing it with a client would be a serious boundary violation that could result in disciplinary action. Obviously my therapist did nothing wrong in this case, since he had nothing to do with my seeing it, but maybe that gives you a better idea of the situation.

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by Myrto

I don't get why you feel like you need to tell your therapist. It seems to me that this is about you, not him. You found out private info about him and somehow you want to discuss it with him even though it's got nothing to do with you and he already knows about it since, well, it's about him. What would be the point in telling him?

I actually very much don't want to discuss it with him. But I feel like I might have to in order to not let it impact therapy in a problematic way for me. And as far as what he knows and doesn't know, obviously the facts involved are known to him, but some of the information is focused on the therapist's family member's personal feelings and reactions to the situation, and thoughts about my therapist's personal feelings and reactions, which they may or may not have shared with him. And I don't know if my therapist knows that his family member participated in this research interview at all, let alone that it's being published and that these excerpts are being used.

Originally Posted by starfishing

I see where you're coming from, but this is rather emphatically not that kind of personal info. This is the kind of personal info where a therapist deliberately sharing it with a client would be a serious boundary violation that could result in disciplinary action. Obviously my therapist did nothing wrong in this case, since he had nothing to do with my seeing it, but maybe that gives you a better idea of the situation.

You said he didn't do anything wrong in regard to the article, but I'm inferring the subject was something unethical he did in the past?

It appears you are still processing all the feelings about discovering the issue. But after reading what you write here, I wonder how you feel about what he disclosed and how that might change things. It would be too difficult for me to not talk about.