[SummerTime12]

I worry often that my T will tell me that he doesn’t know how to help me any further or doesn’t want me to be his client anymore. He consistently says that this will not happen, but I still worry. I feel like at some point if I’m not improving or I fck things up too much, he’ll be forced to give up on me.

Possible trigger:

I tried to kill myself for the second time the other day. The first time was 3 months ago.

I honestly thought he’d be done with me after that. I was surprised that he stuck around. I guess I feel like I’m now both a liability and someone that he sees as going nowhere.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m purposely trying to push him away to test if he’ll for real leave (that was not the reason I did what I did though). What do you think would make your T be done with you? Do you ever think about it or talk to them about it?

[ArtleyWilkins]

I've never had a therapist give up on me.

My therapist did ask if I wanted to see someone else during a time when I was doing very poorly. It wasn't that he wanted to get rid of me; he was just wanting to let me know that he would completely understand if I thought I needed different help, more help, etc. I wasn't interested, and that was the end of the discussion. We moved on and eventually things headed the right direction for me again. During that period, I was hospitalized many, many times; he never gave up on me.

My pdoc did the same. In fact, he sent me for a 2nd opinion to be sure he wasn't missing something himself. I had great respect for him asking for that. The 2nd opinion confirmed his treatment and offered a few suggestions that we talked through and made decisions on together.

If you think you are testing your therapist, talk to him about it. It's not unusual from what I read. It is a good discussion to have.

[Waterloo12345]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

I worry often that my T will tell me that he doesn’t know how to help me any further or doesn’t want me to be his client anymore. He consistently says that this will not happen, but I still worry. I feel like at some point if I’m not improving or I fck things up too much, he’ll be forced to give up on me.

Possible trigger:

I tried to kill myself for the second time the other day. The first time was 3 months ago.

I honestly thought he’d be done with me after that. I was surprised that he stuck around. I guess I feel like I’m now both a liability and someone that he sees as going nowhere.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m purposely trying to push him away to test if he’ll for real leave (that was not the reason I did what I did though). What do you think would make your T be done with you? Do you ever think about it or talk to them about it?

It really depends on the context yr getting therapy in. E.g. if it was the NHS therapy may be refused or terminated on the basis you were not stable enough for it or not benefiting or whatever. They have to ration care.

If it's private (with or without insurance) and long term therapy then if you've got a good one then he won't give up. And sounds like you do have a good one.

I have talked to my t and doc about it. Took some courage but I was imaging worse case scenarios anyway so.....give it a try

And I've defo tried to push them away by being horrid, not turning up , cancelling, etc. It's fairly common.

[SalingerEsme]

Summertime, I hope he steps up and invests even more in you, and I hope you're okay.

[nottrustin]

I don't know what it would take. Probably threatening them or their family.

Both reassured me they are not going to leave me (unless life happens)

[Salmon77]

If I just stopped showing up, I suppose. Or if I was violent to him or something, but that isn't realistically something I would do.

[SummerTime12]

I did have a T lose hope in me before, so I guess that contributes to my anxiety over it. After going to partial hospitalization programs multiple times, I still was just as deep in my eating disorder and depression as before. So eventually she said “I just don’t know what to do with you anymore” and that was that. *

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

Summertime, I hope he steps up and invests even more in you, and I hope you're okay.

Thank you SalingerEsme, I’m doing somewhat better now and honestly he is a really good T. He’s there for me but still has good boundaries which I appreciate. He said he’s not giving up on me, but he is suggesting a higher level of care. He’s not forcing it though.

[zoiecat]

My T has it in our contract each year that he will not dump me in that year. But if I have not made progress each year he states he is ethically bound to refer me.

Luckily I am usually working hard at what he wants me to do to improve and that is not a problem although there have been periods where I go backwards and he worries that he is not helping me. He always tells me though he bases progress on the entire year because there will be times when I regress.

[Amyjay]

I don't consider my therapist to be in any kind of role to "give up" on me. I am not hers to give up on. I would think she would be willing to assist me in my work for as long as I am showing up for therapy, paying my due fee, remain to committed to my own process and generally adhere to the agreed upon boundaries and rules of engagement.

[Anastasia~]

I don't know. He might be frustrated with me now. But he doesn't seem like he is giving up on me.

[stopdog]

I don't think it is the place of a therapist to give up or not give up on a client. They are hired to sit there. They get no stake in my life.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

My T has it in our contract each year that he will not dump me in that year. But if I have not made progress each year he states he is ethically bound to refer me.

Luckily I am usually working hard at what he wants me to do to improve and that is not a problem although there have been periods where I go backwards and he worries that he is not helping me. He always tells me though he bases progress on the entire year because there will be times when I regress.

Did you ask that the contract state he wont dump you or is that his standard practice

[LonesomeTonight]

Mine has said, on multiple occasions, "I'm not going anywhere." He's said the only time he terminated a client was when they physically threatened him, to the point that he had to call the cops. I still worry a bit...because ex-marriage counselor also said things like "I'll never abandon you." And he didn't fully abandon me, I guess, but he did abruptly say I had to reduce contact. Which felt like abandonment. Current T knows that full history though, so I'd like to believe he wouldn't make promises he doesn't intend to keep. And he's said that he would be honest with me if my contact is even approaching an issue for him, that he'd give me plenty of notice, that we'd work something out. I'm doing my best to trust him...but as someone with anxious/preoccupied attachment (in general), it's really difficult...

Nothing. She's not a quitter

[captgut]

My T says "I feel powerless", "I'm not helping", "Can I help you in any way?". I think he already gave up on me.
He also says he's ready to work with me "another 10 years or more", but I think he's tired of me.

[Anastasia~]

My last T terminated me because he told me I wasn't making any progress. Really, he just hated me.

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think it is the place of a therapist to give up or not give up on a client. They are hired to sit there. They get no stake in my life.

It might feel that way, but they are ethically bound to refer you if you are not making progress. They cannot continue to take your money but be of no use for you. Whether it's a bad personality match, or you're beyond his scope of competence, or something else altogether, your T does have the right and sometimes the responsibility to refer you elsewhere.

[winterblues17]

I'm not sure, probably lack of progress but I wish I knew!

[piggy momma]

I live in fear that my T will terminate me, but we talked about it recently and I am trying to have some trust in him, since he said he won't.

I do know, however, that if I try to take my life again we're done. He doesn't work with suicidal clients and he already gave me one extra chance. I think that's pretty much the only thing RIGHT NOW. I suppose things could be different down the road.

[SalingerEsme]

My T has been devoted, but I still become scared at times. I am more worried he will move away, than actually refer me out, or that he will take progress as a sign I don't need hm as much.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

My T has mentioned he couldn't deal with it if I killed someone, so probably that would make him give up. Other than that I can't imagine anything that would make him terminate me, especially since he reassures me of it almost every session.

[junkDNA]

I'm not sure. I've pretty much crossed most every line save driving by his house which I wouldn't do.. or anything to that effect. heavy drug use... sh... sui... even homi... threatening him and cursing /yelling....harassjng him via text and email. not saying I'm proud of all this. I'm quite ashamed of it actually. but I mention these things bc t has not given up on me and States that he's not.... he gets frustrated though of course

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by piggy momma

It might feel that way, but they are ethically bound to refer you if you are not making progress. They cannot continue to take your money but be of no use for you. Whether it's a bad personality match, or you're beyond his scope of competence, or something else altogether, your T does have the right and sometimes the responsibility to refer you elsewhere.

I know some therapists claim they have this responsibility, and I think this could apply if the therapist feels they're actively doing harm (or significantly risking harm) by continuing to see a client, but I find the idea of a therapist cutting things off because of supposed "lack of progress" to be completely disgusting in a case where the client disagrees and wants to continue. I think the responsibility to respect client autonomy is the actual ethical imperative in cases where therapy isn't harmful.

After all, why should the therapist get to impose their idea of what "progress" looks like over and above the client's?

[here today]

Mine did give up on me. She said it was her own issues, and I believe that, but still. . .it was devastating.

Nevertheless, I don't think it was anything I "did".

[Merope]

I don't know what would make mine give up on me. There are the obvious ones like threatening him or stalking him...but sometimes I feel like my mere existence will make him give up on me.

I live in constant fear of it happening, even after he has reassured me.